misfit seeks equally odd friends

[misfit]

Do you feel as out of it as I do in 'normal' conversations and settings? If so, would love to discuss why. Don't know where else to start this thread.

I love nothing more than buying books for our two. As I betrayed in my post, I'm not much of a shopper but books I could buy forever! Luckily we have an independent bookshop in a local town and live round the corner from a library (heaven!). Again though people think I'm mad paying more for books from the little independent shop when you can get them sooooo cheap from the supermarkets or Book people. You just have to go with what you believe in at the end of the day and hope that some of it rubs off on someone else!

Lunavix good luck with your business, sounds like an uphill struggle though.

Well I'm hoping between it and another similar venture I might meet similar minded people!

I get definate shocked looks breastfeeding in public. Although I also get the usual HV 'you're STILL breastfeeding?' comments. DD is 3 months.

This thread has inspired me to e mail the WEN rep in our area to see if there are any meetings coming up. There was one that I found out about a year ago but I was so bogged down with dd (1 at the time) that I didn't make it. In the last year I've trained as a "Nappy Nanny" with the local council and as a breastfeeding helper with the BfN so I am trying to do my bit and, like you say, meet like minded people.

Have just started buying cards from a "Phoenix Cards" seller round the corner from us. The cards are fab, I can choose them in the comfort of my own home and again I'm supporting a small business.

Sleepless, you wrote:
I think the reason we scare the pants off them is because they just don't get it. Their so wrapped up in trivial,materialistic, insignificant rubbish, we threaten to take them out of their comfort zone by forcing them to think of things they'd rather not.
I think you're right. This LAHLAHLAHLAH-talk-very-loudly-and-i-won't-hear-you-keep-my-head-in-the-sand approach to life is what has got us into this stupid bloody environmental mess.

Tbh it's not so much that they don't care about the environment that bothers me, it's the fact that you can't get through to them about things liek fairtrade and justice issues. I can't find anyone who agrees with me about how appallingly we treat asylum seekers, for example.

I don't understand why people can't think what it might be like to be shot at, have your kids shot at, be persecuted because you're gay or this religion or that colour. I suppose it's much more fun to talk about your ipod... Don't get me wrong, I don't think we should be talking about serious things ALL the time, but if everyone put some thought to what kind of world we would like this to be SOME of the time would be good for all for all of us, surely?

Nearlythree, bloody Daily Mail! !!!

it's like you have a disease if you want to have such a discussion with people - it's our society, for us to shape, for god's sake!

nothing wrong with iPods!!

My insight into it is that I think that most people will avoid someone who talks endlessly about their own interests, without taking an interest the other person.

I believe that most people's small talk is not a sign of an empty head but basically a social construct, similar to apes grooming each other. The words are almost irrelevant - there is a general sense of well-being that is gained from being in a group.

Once you get to know people better, they tend to open up and discuss things that are important to them too. You just have to get through the layers of small talk first!

goingquietlymad, I agree and disagree. I'm crap at smalltalk, so don't get as far as going beyond it, but am willing to believe that you can get through it to the other side with some people.

However, I don't comment from the perspective of having banged on about my issues with no interest in the recipient. In fact, I have shown endless interest in other people and asked many questions, but have not received any in return. And when I try and do the talking myself, whether big or small, I feel most people are simply waiting for their turn to talk and couldn't give a bollox what I have to say.

As for getting comfortable with people, doesn't a smile, a willingness to listen and be open and friendly, go anywhere along that road? Why do I have to talk about any old rubbish I'm not in the least bit interested in for approximately two years before someone opens up and tells me something real about themselves?

There's small talk and there's small talk, isn't there? Chatting about the kids, where we live, what we do is good and shows interest. Talking about how drunk you get or your latest gym session or mobile turns me right off. But then that crowd don't want to talk to me anyway!

Misfit, are you me?

I've had exactly that feeling reading this thread, Dumble! I'm not feeling quite so freakish today.

Yes, I can happily do small talk like that nearlythree. I can listen to stories about other people's kids for hours and think of a million things to ask them.

But the other day someone was talking about whether or not to spend money on a boob job, and I couldn't even think of what to do with my face, let alone my conversation!

PMSL. I can't stand small talk either. I just want to get right in there with a stranger and say, "So what do you think is the meaning of life then?" but they back off really quickly if you try that. My life is full of people standing more than a barge pole's length from me for fear I will engage them in what I call conversation!

Sorry, I didn't mean that to sound as though you were just banging on about your subject - it was aimed at the general gist of the thread which had started to blame other people for being empty-headed and I'm not sure this is fair. Just because people are different, doesn't mean they are idiots.

However, it was supposed to be constructive, not patronising, which it probably sounded - tripping over myself here.

I think the answer is to find like-minded people. I miss the deeper friendships I had at university where intelligent conversation was the norm. I think the people you meet when you have children have different interests and are perhaps harder to connect to for that reason?

Mind you, just wanted to add, that a lot of my supposedly intelligent friends have abandoned interesting conversation for worries about bl**dy school places and the food their children eat. Maybe I am just as bad.

The "Campaign for real conversation" begins here.

Dumbledores I completely relate to the barge-pole situation!

GQM, no offence taken - I didn't think you were being patronising. What you said in that post about social construct, though, got me thinking... I sometimes feel like there is a code that lets other people know you are 'ok', and I don't have a clue what that code is.

I know. I think I have spent a lot of time thinking about this, because other people seem to gel together very naturally and I never understand why.

This is where I started to talk to people who I considered very socially fluent and it seems they didn't have to try, it was instinctive.

I don't think it has ever come naturally to me, hence analyzing it endlessly.

Right, am off now before I make myself sound really stupid.

misfit i agre with you about a code

How does everyone feel about xmas commercialism/presents. I ask because I've been banging my head against a wall the last few years trying to convince my parents to do the Oxfam unwrapped thing (alot of other charitys have started doing the same) I'm not tight but i would rather receive/give token presents to adults be it charity or a bottle of plonk. When I suggested the Oxfam unwrapped to my family last year my dad just scoffed which made me it makes me very sad to see familys fall into the trap of getting in debt to buy their kids the latest plastic crap which will be destined for land fill in the next 12mths. I think xmas is for children and by all means they should get presents. I love xmas but I hate the fact it seems to bring the worst out in some people. I've been nagging my parents not to go over the top this year with DS (it's his first) I just don't want him to turn out to be a spoilt brat

'Mind you, just wanted to add, that a lot of my supposedly intelligent friends have abandoned interesting conversation for worries about bl**dy school places and the food their children eat. Maybe I am just as bad. '

I often think I have done the same! I did look at the WEN and it certainly looks interesting.

GQM, I don't think you sound at all stupid.

We are a pack animal by nature I think. That's why 'freaks' like me hate feeling left out, and why we all analyse the ones that seem most successful within the pack. doesn't make me less of a person and a social success more of a person. Just means I'm less canny, they are more 'fit' in tems of survival of the fittest.

We think that society means we have supressed our survival of the fittest nature, but that's such bollox - popular and general shared cutlure are blatant representations of it in a complex and very human way.

And don't even get me started on commercialism/christmas.... Sleepless, what a shame you've made a stab at sharing something less commercial with your family and it was scoffed at. Don't let the knock back stop you making Xmas as uncommercial within your own little family unit, though.

sleepless, just get everyone the Oxfam things anyway, and donate the tat you get in return to them after Christmas. If you annoy people, tough - think of the message you will be giving your dcs.

As for conversation, I probably do talk about mine and other children too much, but not about schools or diet, it's about what they say and do. I find their ideas so fascinating, I actually get the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end sometimes watching my dds esp. when they are being creative.

Totally agree about the pack thing. I think the fact that I see it all as so pointless and shallow is one reason my face doesn't fit with the 'in crowd'.

nearlythree, well I've decided to compromise those that don't get oxfam will get environmentally friendly gifts. I've also asked people not to spend more than 5 to 10 pounds so here's hoping