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Original poster

misfit seeks equally odd friends

74 replies

misfit · 22/11/2006 22:51

Do you feel as out of it as I do in 'normal' conversations and settings? If so, would love to discuss why. Don't know where else to start this thread.

OP posts:
joelallie · 23/11/2006 12:14

Some other freaks! Yay!

I am good at small talk - I can do the chat thing and and ask questions about people and genuinely find it interesting. But that isn't enough to sustain a long-term friendship. I have loads of aquaintances who all think I'm 'lovely' apparently but no real friends. My interests are not usually those that other people care about and I do tend to become a bit earnest and serious, and I've become resigned to potential 'friends' glazing over and then making excuses for disappearing into the distance as soon as I start getting into subjects that interest me . I find big social occasions really trying most of the time. Even DH laughs at me sometimes but he has got used to me and loves me as I am thankfully. So I either stick on the meaningless chat level with most people and rely on the odd long-distance friendship that I've had for years.

Original poster
misfit · 23/11/2006 20:17

I'm so relieved to read all this!

A few of you have mentioned about people looking at you like you're mad when you talk about things you're interested in.

I've always wanted to get into the mindset of someone in that position. So often, I've been talking to someone in my usual earnest way and spot look on their face that indicates they have realised that there's something not quite right about me and now want to get away.

Can someone tell me what it is about 'freaks' that scare the pants off 'normal' people? I'd really like to know what that person sees.

OP posts:
joelallie · 23/11/2006 20:19

I like to think that it's because they realise that we are just so much more intelligent than the are and don't want to be shown up .......but I may be kidding myself......

Original poster
misfit · 23/11/2006 20:40

I'd like to think so too!

Opposite ends of the spectrum:

  1. We're much more intelligent and will show them up
  2. We're wierd and freak the hell out of them.

Where is the reality barometer pin pointing?

OP posts:
joelallie · 23/11/2006 20:46

Perhaps we're aliens? It sometimes feels like that.... I started discussing reincarnartion in the pub with one of DH's football mate's wives. I think I scared her ....

Original poster
misfit · 23/11/2006 20:50

That made me laugh! I've been JUST THERE so many many times joelallie!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
misfit · 23/11/2006 20:50

Why did you even try with a football wife???!!!

OP posts:
joelallie · 23/11/2006 20:57

Because she was talking to me and I like her .

Note to self - just because you like people it doesn't mean they are as odd as you. Must remember that....

lunavix · 23/11/2006 21:01

Thoroughly agree.

It stresses me out, as I'm standing at pre-school and all the mums are chatting and I can't think of a single thing to say to them. And when I do, it doesn't seem to be the right something. I'm not entirely sure I'm approachable either, as people don't tend to talk to me much either.

Part of my problem is that I'm a fairly young mum (23) and I feel there's an age barrier irl - it might just be a 'me' barrier as other mums I know my age chat to those older just fine! But I can't relate to mums nearer my age, who aren't interested in cloth nappies, sustainable living, breastfeeding, indie music, or cult tv.

Original poster
misfit · 23/11/2006 21:48

My DH says that it's not me that's wierd, but the weirdos that can't cope with people that are different to themselves (eg. I once met a bloke who thought that anyone, particularly a man, who ins't into football is weird). He thinks I need to meet more poeple who are into the things that I am into.

It seems that there are enough people on this thread that are into sustainable living, cloth nappies, non-materialism, spirituality and being 'real' - honestly yourself. But I don't meet any in the real world.

OP posts:
nearlythree · 23/11/2006 22:03

I so often find the same thing. I am into the environment but don't really manage to live it as much as I'd like, but am into ethical shopping, spirituality and theology, justice issues, peace...I find it so hard when the other mums are talking about their shoes or their hang-overs and I just stand there thinking how sad (in the old-fashioned sense of the word) their lives are.

Original poster
misfit · 23/11/2006 22:38

Anyone got any advice on how I can meet some like-minded weirdos in London?

OP posts:
nearlythree · 23/11/2006 23:05

There just has to be London-based groups supporting Greenpeace, Friends of the Earth etc.

nearlythree · 23/11/2006 23:06

WEN? They must have a group too.

Original poster
misfit · 23/11/2006 23:09

thanks nearlythree. WEN?? What's that?

OP posts:
nearlythree · 23/11/2006 23:14

Womens' Environmental Network.

Tatties · 24/11/2006 13:02

I have found some like-minded people at my local LLL group

trying2bgood · 24/11/2006 13:22

I can relate misfit. I have found that since becoming a SAHM it is very hard to find people in my day to day life who feel or think the same way. I can do small talk but that does not stop the feeling that I do not really belong here.

I am lucky in the sense that I have friends from my pre-mum days who keep me sane otherwise I think I may have relented and gone ga-ga!

Bizarrely, am also into the environment, politics and current affairs. And also like to discuss 'big issues' which most other mums just not want to do hence fall into the same small talk. Am trying to seek others in RL but do not want to appear desperate!

fennel · 24/11/2006 14:10

Places we have found parents who are into the environment, politics etc include the local Real Nappy campaign group, Green action networks, Woodcraft folk, cycle campaign groups (some of these have family events).

all the above are full of fascinating weirdo misfits.

there are websites and magazines for all sorts of green parents, or try a local radical magazine or bookshop for adverts about groups and things going on.

Original poster
misfit · 24/11/2006 16:09

Thank you all for these suggestions. Time to search out some fascinating weirdo misfits!

To be completely honest, trying2bgood, I am desperate! I like my own company and love my family life, and have a couple of beautiful souls for friends, but something about becoming a mum has made me realise I can't be so insular and issolated, and that I need to feed my life (and DS and DH's lives) with more from the outside, and not just what I cherry pick from books, etc, but real people.

But it's not just about finding more people like me. It's also about finding a way to be around the 'normal' people that is less negative without putting my personality in a box.

I'm so glad I started this thread - 'meeting' you lot has made me feel so much better. Thank you

OP posts:
trying2bgood · 24/11/2006 17:45

I know what you mean. Sometimes I think that I think too much when I am out and about. I do find that I have more fun if I just do not take anything seriously and suspend my 'internal' dialogue.

sleeplessinhants · 24/11/2006 21:19

Misfit, I think the reason we scare the pants off them is because they just don't get it. Their so wrapped up in trivial,materialistic, insignificant rubbish, we threaten to take them out of their comfort zone by forcing them to think of things they'd rather not. That's my theory anyway. Have any of you seen the film an inconvenient truth, I think its out on DVD. I raved about it but so many people responded by saying well it wasn't very entertaining was it.

DingALongCow · 24/11/2006 21:38

Oh thank goodness, another wierdo here. I can completely identify with pretty much everything that has been posted here.

Have a very outgoing and friendly DH so most of my acquaintances are his. He does most of the talking so I can slip into the background and into my own thoughts. I have one really good friend I feel comfortable around and that suits me pretty much, I have a library and I am happiest curled up on the sofa in there, or lecturing my family on environmental/food issues!
I have been forced out of my comfortable little internal world by the arrival of DD and the move to another country. Iam getting out (have to for DD and own sanity) and meeting people but the thinking in two languages thing is making conversation even more awkward LOL.

northender · 24/11/2006 21:54

Have skimmed through the previous messages but can relate to a lot of this. I'm fortunate that since we've moved back to my roots, we have a group of friends all of whom are very different but everyone is very accepting of everyone else although they might have very different views/personalities. Also no one feels the need to change who they are to fit in which is great. However we've had some funny moments, one of the blokes in the group has been a friend of mine (more like a brother) for many years. He's now married and his wife doesn't understand me and my hippy environmental tendencies one iota! Normally I avoid these subjects with her but after one to many ciders at a barbie in the summer I decided to try to explain why I won't buy meat from a supermarket and pay more for ds' school uniform because I buy it from a small local shop rather than a supermarket. It rapidly degenerated and we've avoided the subjects ever since!

Nothing wrong with having views and ideas that swim against the tide, if you ask me! One day they'll see we were right all along!

lunavix · 24/11/2006 22:32

northener - I know what you mean It's actually so sad in my area that I've started a new business which involves basically party planning (like ann summers etc) so you are meant to contact close friends local people etc to hold them. Except the company sell diverse childrens books... and noone I know understands the importance of reading Out of the four people I'm fairly close to in the area, not one has bought their child a book in the last six month, nor will do this christmas words fail me, they really do. And I feel so sad that these are the only people I seem to have managed to communicate to, but they don't understand anything I believe in.