roll call for any Aussie mums in London who want to meet up?

[quokka]

Been here 7yrs now have 2 ds's 2yrs and 6months and am married to a pom so looks like I'm here for the long run! The closest I get to an aussie now is watching neighbours (I know its quite pathetic). Anyway if there are any others who fancy a catch up, I'm in west london?

quokka did you have a doula for both your births? i am interested in a home birth next time and would like to look into having a doula as well as MW's

i loved my MW's but i think a doula may have been good as i really didnt know what i was doing at all and having someone there like that may have helped?

No doula and very little midwife care, we seemed to be alone for most of the time - which was fine for me. I'm thinking of becoming a doula when the boys are older. I would love to have a home birth if I had a huge house! Mind you I was only in the hospital for 6hrs after ds2.

Oh thats good, we were lucky in that DH was able to stay with us overnight, (ds born at 2247hrs). But i have heard sad stories of my friends babies being born and the husband promptly having to leave as it was beyond visiting hours!!!!

the birth center was great we were the only ones there after the midwives left at about 1am so we raided the cupboards and fridge, i was starving as i hadn't felt like the meal they cooked for me after DS was born.

I haven't read back over earlier posts as there are heaps, so you may have covered this question. Anyway sorry if you have but just wondered, did you guys originally intend coming over here to stay or did you come over to travel and ended up staying. For example i came over 8.5 years ago on a working holiday visa intending to stay for 18months and well i'm still here, met a fella (also Aussie) married and had my lovely DS. I have been wondering how many others (antipodeans) have done similar. In my ante-natal group there are 3 couples where at least one parent is Aussie or Kiwi and came here to travel and ended up staying and obviously producing offspring.

I took a year off uni and travelled through europe then met dh in London 4 weeks before I was due to leave. I'm still here 7 years and 2 ds's later! I had a British passport so we didn't have to worry about my visa. Which was great, as it took any pressure off marriage for us, well for him anyway .

Any plans on moving back?

Oh god, think I might just crawl into a hole and try to forget all about this giving birth idea!!!!!!

In answer to your question veggiemummy, I came on a 2 year working holiday, met a Pom, extended my stay by getting a student visa for a year, got married and am still here! Though we do plan to move to NZ next year

Quokka, guess I just have to find a post office that will do it, mine only checks UK passports

Dh was able to stay the entire time I was at the birthing centre, and we had a private room. I think it's an extra incentive to go to the birthing centre just for that.

Kaybee its gonna have to come out sooner or later! Better to be prepared than in denial . Just think of all the other women that have managed to do it, some of them more than once!

oh Kaybee i know how you feel but it really isn't all bad, i think it is really important to look forward to it positively, the fear of it is actually one of the worst and hardest things to deal with, as you are fearing stuff that hasn't happened and is unlikely to happen, so you cant fix it. so you get all tense and squeeze all those already tight muscles together, which makes you feel even more tense and scared. You'll be fine, and actually i agree with Quokka look into the doula thing?

Unfotunately you tend to get told a lot of bad stories and hear all the negative things about birth, when in actual fact most of it is actually really good. apart from the fact that you finally get to see you baby face to face, it is also an amazing lesson in how awesome the female body is. I was not into femisism and all the girl power lark before i had DS but now i have turned into a real "women are divine goddesses" type, because... well we are, we can have babies!!!

As far as going home, up until this year, we kept saying next year, next year. Now we have bought a house and accepted that we may be here for a few more years yet. Although next year we are planning to live in taiwan for 6 months.

Quokka where did you have you DS's?

Totally agree veggiemummy it is an amazing and positive experience , and we are all godesses !

Queen Charlotte in West London, I was lucky enough to have a birthing centre (and pool) on the NHS. I even had the same midwife for both LO's, she remembered dh rather than me!

cheeky thing.

Kaybee if you have any questions that might make it easier just ask, i can always answer positively, and it doesnt matter how stupid it sounds. I have to say the only negative thing was that the 2nd stage took ages, 3hours, i was shattered and i really felt that i had no idea what i was doing. I had gone to a hypnobirthing course which was great, but the only thing is the teacher kept banging on about how my body would know what to do and that i had to trust my birthing body to know instinctively how to birth my baby. well it obviously worked he came out but i still didnt know what i was doing, i often couldnt tell if i was having a contraction so would just push anyway. Also i think as so many women told me how painful it would be i was expecting something amazingly excrutiating and in the 1st stage it hurt like bad period pain, but not in the 2nd stage. Quokka can you shed any light on that having had 2, is the 2nd stage supposed to hurt a lot more? do you understand what i mean?

I guess I just feel like the area I live in doesn't offer very good birth options on the NHS. We can't afford private as I haven't been working for a couple of months, we just bought a house and I don't get any maternity pay (I was only temping AND conditions of my visa say no recourse to public funds ).
I am just worrying that at the hospital I will be stuck in a horrible room with no choice but to lie on the bed (which I have heard isn't the best way to give birth) and suffer
Do you think I have left it too late to find a doula now, quokka ?

what sort of visa do you have, I have a right to residence which also says that i think and i got maternity leave both from my employer and the statutory leave payments after my employers contributions stopped. I never thought about the fact that i might not be entitled, i guess HR sorted it out for me and they knew my residency status. Not that the stautory is much but is better than nothing.

I am able to get a passport now or even change to spousal visa but just haven't been bothered to do either.

money is big problem, DH has a good job and my pre baby pay was ok but we also cut out all but one holiday for the year to pay for it, plus we hadnt yet bought our house and were renting cheap through a friend.

i guess you just need to decide what you want and push for it, but i imagine a doula would help advocate thaht for you.

oh plus you might be worth contacting the NCT rep in your area who might have some advice or even might be able to shed light on the hospital and how good it is.

oh man this work i am doing is now starting to do my head in, i am quitting work and have a month and half of work until i finish up, and my boss is trying to get everything out of me that she can, hence i am currently here in front of my computer trying to write job descriptions to a new format that the NHS wants AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

I have just read through my hospital notes and it does say in there they encourage people in labour to move around, use the pool or balls, and they have a birthing stool... so sounds like I may just be panicking for no reason. I am going to go on a hospital tour on Tues to have a good look at the labour ward!
I am on a spouse visa as my DH and i only got married earlier this year. It clearly states on the visa 'no recourse to public funds' so am assuming that includes SSMP etc

I'm sure you could find a doula, theres quite a few on MN. Wait until you have your hospital tour maybe? You might feel better once you've been and had a look and a chat.

well with ds1 the labour was longer and the second part of labour hurt a bit more. With ds 2 everything was easier as I'd done it before. I didn't really have to push as long or as much with him and even surprised the midwife as he came out so quickly. The water helped with the first stage for ds1. I think the longer you leave the pushing stage the better. I knew with both that I need to start pushing as I couldn't help but push! Also they were monitoring the heartbeat and every time she did that she was going lower and lower. so I could see where he was, if that makes sense?

Kaybee I'm happy to give you as much support as you need by the way, just ask

mmmm... not sure my sister in law is on a spousal visa but i dont think she even needed ssmp as her company paid a full years maternity leave!!!

i will ask around to see how it works, i'm sure someone will know. I have a friend in australia who is an immigration lawyer for OZ, i know it is here you want the information for but she may know.

I think when they say no recourse to public funds they mean, single parents benefits, the dole, or student benefits or that government wont pay for your education if you wanted to do a public course. But if you have paid tax i think you are entitled to SSMP, just not sure how you apply for it, actually your midwife might be able to help you with that, as they are the ones that sign things to confirm that you are either pregnant or have just given birth.

oh maybe that is why the 2nd stage didnt hurt too much, my MW was really chilled and let me do what i wanted but when it came to pushing she was really strict and wouldnt let me until i was fully dilated even though i really wanted to at 8cm. actually that was the hardest bit not pushing when i desparately wanted to, i made a pact with her that i would not push for 4 sets of contractions then she could check again at which time i was 10cm. those 4 contraction were really difficult as i soooooo wanted to push. Instead of pushing i squeezed my dh's hand so tight and so hard that he ended up have a sore chest the next day where i had squeezed and pulled so hard that i nearly pulled him into the pool with me the only way he could stop coming in was to hold his chest against the hard edge of the pool. but at least i waited until it was the right time, so possibly making it more comfortable, oh and i sucked the gas and air back like there is no tomorrow. It doesn't help the discomfort, but it feels sooooo good in your head.

I was so tired that I was falling asleep for 30 sec between contractions right at the end for ds1. Sounds like you had a great mw. I didn't like gas and air for ds1 but loved it for ds2?

Kaybee are we making you feel better or worse

Hahaha I'm not too sure!
Am feeling a bit better. I know it will be fine, I just wish it was all over , then I can get on with the worrying about the baby part!

ok we'll stop talking about labour and take babies instead!

really it's not as bad as everyone lets on, it's just really tiring, it's like running a marathon but in a marathon you know in the back of your mind you can stop anytime even though you probably wouldnt. but with a birth you have to keep going and no one can help you, you have to do it yourself. quite daunting but also quite liberating..better stop before i start with the goddess thing

oh babies are good, so cute and small and they smell nice.