Should I stop language lessons and focus on solo learning instead?

[Crispychillifriedbeef]

I’m living overseas and trying to learn a local language. I’ve been going to individual lessons for two months, twice a week,

I dread going to lessons. I cried in my last lesson! And I’m not retaining much.

I’m autistic so I really struggle with being put on the spot and also with learning. Pushing myself to do things just results in burn out and melt downs. There is no “oh just get over it and push through” with it.

I think I will just stop lessons and do some solo home learning with zero pressure to perform or retain information…any thoughts?

Can’t you go to group lessons instead? Much more fun and interactive. You will make new friends too.

What language is it? French makes me weep!!!

It’s Russian…

I think group classes would be even worse having to perform in front of others! 🙈

If these are private lessons that you are paying for and they are making you miserable- quit!
You cannot learn if you are stressed and upset.
If they are a freebe, is there some way to make them work for you?
Either change the teacher, or get the teacher to do what you want to do in the lesson. A good teacher will want to facilitate learning and should have noticed by now that you are not happy.
Best of luck!

Where are you where you feel the need to learn Russian? If it is 'a' local language you might be better off learning some Estonian, Kazakh, or whatever, or just not. Emphasis probably on 'not'.

Russian is a challenge, especially if you are older. I was an international kid and my mother, first language Russian, decided we were not going to speak it at home. Mistake. So I'm fluent in Spanish and English and blunder along in Russian and Ukrainian.

You might like to take some time out. Learn Cyrillic. It's the gateway. Note that to anyone coming from English there are a lot of apparent B/b letters that are anything but. But guess what? Some of them aren't sounded. Get over that bump and at a reading level things are pretty much phonetic.

Reaching say 40% proficiency in English from another language is easy. Getting there in almost any other language FROM English is challenging, unless you are one of the lucky ones.

I won’t say the country as it’s very outing but somewhere where Russian is the second language but younger people are now learning English and not Russian. I thought Russian would be useful for future postings.

Some of it is pressure on myself to learn, so we don’t go home after 3 years and I can only use basic phrases in restaurants or shops.

Do you have experience of learning any other foreign languages as an adult? Maybe it's language learning in general that you find difficult, rather than Russian/this teacher?

It might be better to learn a basic level first, eg in a group class or self-taught, and then have 1-1 lessons to polish what you know and progress with topics of your choice.

Realistically though, will you be comfortable practicing talking to people in real life and basically stumbling through in poor Russian until you get better at it?

I've tried learning foreign languages as an adult and have never been able to overcome my reticence in speaking, even after 3 months of daily lessons living in the country itself. I think it's an overlooked fact that to become proficient in speaking in a foreign language you need to be someone who is naturally chatty and not overly self-conscious talking terribly and making mistakes. If you can't overcome that you can advance in reading and understanding but they will far out-match your ability to converse.

People have different ways of learning, if solo is better for you, then great.

Years ago I tried learning Arabic as a young adult when I wanted to be Carrie in Homeland 🤣

I did a group class at a local college but quit after a term.

And I can basic phrases like in a taxi or cafe but I’m too nervy to try proper speaking. And I find people here often get exasperated with you trying and either switch to English or Google Translate.

@Crispychillifriedbeef
As a language teacher, and also ND, l’d definitely reassess the situation.
In my opinion there is definitely a percentage of people with ASD who would make much quicker progress in language learning via apps or AI.
It eliminates a lot of the difficulties they find ( I won’t go into them here) which are nothing to do with the language.

Of course there are plenty of people with ASD who benefit from real life teacher, but, finding a teacher who has enough experience of teaching, and also the ability to adapt their style in such a way as to compensate the differences of each client, is like finding a needle in a haystack.

That said, if you are able to, a combined approach might be the way to go, but only if you are sufficiently aware and capable of clearly explaining to the tutor what you need.
For instance, if you have a demand avoidance profile for instance , you may find it easier if you are more in control of the lessons and prefer to notice your own mistakes and have the chance to self correct, rather than a tutor jump in and start correcting what you already knew was a mistake.

Objectivity speaking, learning a language, whilst being a worthwhile thing to do, should be a neutral/ positive experience rather than a negative one.

I'm ADHD and always find solo learning so much easier than lessons or group lessons. I find lessons good for the social aspect though. So I do some group ones for the language I'm learning, but most of my learning comes from self study.

Reading really helps me more than practising the speaking and listening as I can create the structure in my head and recognise it from previous learning. Rather than trying to memorise from the sound.

You say posting implying you are there for a short period and then expect to go somewhere else. I don’t think you need to put pressure on yourself to learn Russian if it stresses you out that much as if you get posted somewhere that speaks it you can learn immersively then. I’d learn the first language of the country you are in (if you don’t already know it) to help you in day to say life as you can practice it, or something else that might generally be a helpful language like German. Or just give yourself a break as you are already coping with living in a foreign country and all that that entails. You could do some Russian on Duolingo which is less stress.

I'm a language teacher, and I'd say if you're stressed by the lessons then leave it for now, try a good phrasebook first, get some everyday sentences and vocab under your belt, work on pronunciation, and try to use them as much as you can. Then maybe you can go back to having lessons. Also at home try talking aloud in the new language, eg I'm having a cup of tea, I'm sitting and reading a book, I'm eating bread, etc etc, and get in the habit.