Crying every Sunday

[Custardapples]

Having a bit of a midlife crisis and don’t know how to move forward. I was very academic as a kid (high pressure childhood) and ended up working in universities because academic setting was all I really knew. It became so awful in terms of pressure, misogyny and the amount expected of me in pastoral care for students (which I loved but was taking everything from me).

I moved into a comms role in a charity which has been a relief in lots of ways but I’m nearly 3 years in and I can’t do this forever. There’s not enough job satisfaction, particularly following an ill-thought-out restructure, and there’s no scope for promotion. So much of what I do seems to make no difference to anything and yet I still feel drained at the end of each day.

At the moment I am crying most Sundays because I feel so lost and the Monday morning blues are really getting to me.
I’m 42 soon and feeling like I’ve failed at life.

Factors for context:

• 2 young kids, one with additional needs
• I’m autistic
• I’m the main breadwinner on £40k
• I don’t live in London or a major city

Skills I have:

• Writing, copy editing, researching
• I was great at teaching but it wasn’t valued and I did find it stressful
• Public speaking
• Problem solving
• Creative thinking
• Computer skills come naturally but aren’t a passion

Things I like:

• Identifying problems and coming up with solutions (but I prefer not to be the one implementing them!)
• Being the expert on something
• Learning new things
• Helping people and making a difference
• Being outside
• Working with children and young people

If you were me what would you do? I feel useless at the moment! Any help much appreciated. Thank you!

I wish I didn’t live in a major city - it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

can you join a recruitment agency I. The forked of work you want to be in - that way you’ll gain up to date experience and insight whilst applying for jobs

The obvious one would be HR or organisational learning & development (L&D) perhaps with an apprentice or early career focus.

Or this kind of thing:

https://www.education-jobs.co.uk/job/223936529/Curriculum-Manager-Vocational-Training

Identifying problems and coming up with solutions (but I prefer not to be the one implementing them!)

So a strategic role rather than an operational role.

You haven't failed at life. You sound very skilled but also very hard on yourself.

I just want to say I feel a lot
of this and you are NOT a failure. All of what you have done is impressive and worth it. Sometimes being academic and having an academic background can put a lot of pressure on everything. Do you think youd like to do a similar role but somewhere else? Or something else completely?

Hi, reading your post I just want to give you a big hug. We (women especially) are so inclined to beat ourselves up when it is really the amount of things we have to be strong and show up for and shoulder that makes us feel beaten down. No matter how much we have achieved outwardly, there is always the risk of falling into the pit of self-loathing/despair. You are NOT a failure, you are absolutely amazing - the family breadwinner and mother to two children, one with additional needs. You are a winner, every day. I also succumb to such feelings sometimes (today even) - that I haven't managed to achieve anything in life, make a mark on anything. And yet I have a PhD (which was published), and other qualifications, years of teaching experience, including overseas; I feel like I SHOULD have had a glittering career as an academic, didn't manage it, have given up chasing that now, done different jobs, 'diversified' my skills and now at 53/54 just feel like a dillettante at everything, and I am working in a support role in education while I provide (solely) for my 9 year old. And living in a fairly rural area. I also feel in a hole, and wonder how I might climb out, or if...it's sad how we measure achievement in terms of money and outward success when really survival at times is just as much of one.

Might not earn you quite as much as now, but Data Manager in a secondary school might work. You have teaching experience so have an understanding of that, you'd get to work in an environment with children - our Data Manager does a playground duty outside each lunchtime, and you'd be making a difference for the lives of some of those kids simply by spotting trends and watching progress.

You could also get involved in extra-curricular stuff, like being on the set/costumes team for school productions, or helping out on the Duke of Edinburgh expeditions etc etc.

Worth a thought?