I’m not sure I can do this

[Newyeargymwanker]

Looking for some words of wisdom really - I retrained as a carpenter after being a SAHM for 11 years and after having very successful treatment for breast cancer. I am now two years clear. I have four kids under 11 , the youngest is disabled - mobile but non-verbal and will need life long care.

I’ve gone and gotten a job (after several knock backs and a little pivoting) proper paid employment - with a salary, pension scheme, holiday days, the whole thing.

There’s no way I’m going to be able to do this is there? I’m bloody 45, hitting perimenopause with no hope of HRT, and I’m really not a very good carpenter. Enthusiast, yes, but good, no. Until two years ago I had never really even held a hammer.

How the hell am I gonna rock up next week into a room full of competent blokes and carry this off? I’ll be the same age or older as them, but way way worse.

honest, I wish I’d never started this stupid idea.

What exactly does your new job entail? Will you be trained on the job? I think it's incredibly impressive that you retrained after a career break and you are probably much more competent than you think.

It’s a bit niche?
I applied to a large organisation for an apprenticeship, and they gave me an actual carpentry job.

I talk a good game, but I’m a bit shit in practice.

Why is there no hope of hrt? Nice guidelines state you can have them on symptoms along after the age of 45.
I have just retrained as a radiographer in full blown peri. It's been hard but I've done it. Due to start new job soon. If I can do so can you! They've seen something in you! They won't expect you to hit the ground running. Come on, what gave you got to lose? You'll kick yourself if you wimp out now!

@LadyFooFooFrankentits
The breast cancer sadly makes HRT a non-starter for me. The GP wouldn’t prescribe so referred me to the clinic at the hospital, who refused the referral and wouldn’t even discuss it. Theory is a couple of rogue cancer cells may have escaped during the mastectomy, not gotten hit by the radiation as it is so targeted, and would activate with the application of HRT.

Being a radiographer sounds so cool - hard and clever and cool. I hope you love your new career

You see this is a massive downside of all this handwringing about menopause. Any woman who isn’t insanely bursting with confidence and is not in the first flush of youth is just being bombarded with “youre falling apart, dont try anything new” messages.

I retrained in a new job as an apprentice at 50. I went through menopause on the job and yes they were all blokes half my age and better at the job and yes they think I’m a right freak, but fuck’em.

Youre a warrior! Congratulations on the new job! Congratulations on beating cancer! Congratulations on all of it! Go and fuck up a bit and just do it anyway like all the young blokes do. What’s the alternative? Grow old on min wage or benefits? Fuck that

Ah, sorry, had not appreciated that. That's a bit pants.
But I really really think you should give the job a go. Feel the fear and do it anyway. I read something a few years ago that stuck with me. Ask yourself, 'if you knew you wouldn't fail, what would you do?'. It's made me try things I would have otherwise not have attempted and usually it's fine!

You'll get better working on the job, every job has a learning curve. I'd crack on.

Congratulations!

Grab it with both hands. Why do you think it will be a roomful of blokes? And even if it is there’s no reason to think they wouldn’t be hugely supportive.

The thing is - your four children are going to need a working mother. You don’t mention a partner - but either way, you sort out your childcare and roll up your sleeves and get on with it. That way you’ll have a portable and possibly lucrative skill; an outlook and a world beyond home - which will be of direct benefit to your family; and you’ll know you can provide for them.

I know it’s daunting - but you’ll thank yourself in ten years.

When are you due to start?

You can do this.

You are full of self doubt.

You are far better than you think.

You will learn a lot and very quickly too. You sound so capable and forward thinking.

Have faith in yourself. Be ready to learn - you already are.

In three months, you will look back and be amazed at your progress and professionalism.

All power to you.

You see this is a massive downside of all this handwringing about menopause. Any woman who isn’t insanely bursting with confidence and is not in the first flush of youth is just being bombarded with “youre falling apart, dont try anything new” messages.

Glad im not the only one.

I see all the menopause handwringing as misogyny. Yet another way to beat us down and tell us we shouldn't or can't do things because of the hormones.

It's no different to the usual period put downs we get.

@Newyeargymwanker how is it going? Hope you’re settling in and even enjoying your new job.

Wow congratulations on your new career!

I’ve done something similar recently (also 45) and yeah some of the younger ones have a bit of skill I don’t have (yet) but I’m waaaaay better at talking with customers, understanding what they want, clarifying etc you’ll have loads of skills that others will appreciate learning from you too. See yourself as being on a team with your colleagues.

you’ll be an amazing role model to your kids too.

deep breath, you’ve got this

I’m dying to know how you got on OP? Please give us an update?

newyeargymwanker how's the career going?

I hope you went for it, do let us know.

Men do this all the time - they think they are better than they are and talk themselves into jobs. Of course you can do it. At least give it a try! You might find you love it. If not, think about setting up on your own building individual bookcases or storage systems for people.