Single SAHM mum struggling to get work

[doingitalone635]

Hi, wondering if anyone can help? I'm a recently single SAHM to 4 year old twins. I left an abusive relationship and am trying to rebuild our lives from scratch after dealing with family court and criminal court, due to ex's continued abusive behaviour.

I rather foolishly (though I don't regret it) gave up work to raise my twins while ex worked. Now I am financially dependant on child maintenance payments which ex uses as a means to still control me. I do get benefits but want to work and be financially independent.

The problem I am encountering is trying to get suitable, part time work that fits around childcare. I am on my own with very limited family support. I have been applying for jobs in my old career in libraries, but keep getting rejected, although I am getting loads of interviews. I am applying for entry level positions, despite having a few years experience and previously being in a more senior role. I keep getting good feedback from interviewers, but no one seems to want me.
I feel like I have no place in the job market anymore and wonder whether being a mum to young children, or being out of work for a few years is having an impact. I feel like my previous work experience and experience as a mum has no value, even though being a mum has changed me so much for the better.
I'm thinking I need to retrain in something, but have no idea what I'd be good at anymore. I was considering law, as I always did well academically and think I'd enjoy it but it seems a but impossible at the moment financially.

Just wondering really if anyone else is experiencing this at the moment? I have never struggled so much to find a job. Lots of jobs also appear to want really specific experience or qualifications whereas transferable skills don't seem to count for much anymore. I know it's my own fault for not developing my career enough before having children, I just didn't think it would be this hard.

Anyone else fancy a moan lol?

I'm in the same boat. I've had 5 years off to be at home with my 2 kids (one with various health issues and many hospital appointments).
Before kids I had a well paying job in a corporate environment and could walk straight into any job I applied for. Now I can't even get an interview for weekend retail jobs, it's so depressing.

I hire a lot of people in my role and I'm always wary of people going for roles more junior than their experience. It's felt they won't be happy to work at a junior level and will get bored. It can be difficult to manage people like that too, as they often feel they know more than you. Not saying you'll be like that but it could be a concern of those recruiting you. Could you aim higher and go in at the level you left at? Have you explored different part time options, so maybe three full days rather than five short days etc. I'd also maybe try some temping to get your hand back into the work place. This can always lead to a permanent position, good luck, it sounds like you deserve a luckily break x

Are you telling the interviewers that you're a single mum to 4 year old twins with no support? If so, they may make a lot of assumptions about your reliability. Try not to divulge too much about your personal circumstances.

There are Women Returner programmes out there also, have a google

Teaching assistant? Not well paid but obviously fits in with school holidays and school day. At the school I worked a good 20% of TAs were single mums to kids at the same school. useful for pick up and drop off time! Being a mum will be in your favour as you've got experience with kids.

Libraries are notoriously difficult to find jobs in - they're cutting right back on staff and so the entry level positions are now being taken up by graduates or by people moving from other library posts that are fixed term or have been made redundant. Your experience as a SAHM counts for nothing - many employees are parents, so taking 3 or 4 years out of employment doesn't give you additional skills. If you've worked at a professional level in libraries then your skill set will also be very different from the entry level jobs. It's not you - it's the job market in libraries.

I would definitely look at retraining - or would you be able to do a voluntary role in libraries for a few months if that's the field you want to stay in? Women Returners programmes as suggested by @TeachesOfPeaches sound good too.

I would also suggest applying for roles that are closer to your previous work level. We too are wary of people taking big drops in seniority, they often feel unfulfilled and leave.

If you’re getting interviews that is a good sign, your CV must be a good fit. Have you had some interview practice, running through your answers to common key questions? That might help sharpen things up.

I do also agree about not explaining your family situation (if indeed you are) as it just isn’t relevant. You can explain ‘I took some time off for family reasons and I’m now eager and committed to returning to work’ but leave it there on the family chat and instead look forward to why you want this role, the skills you can bring, the relevant experience that you have (and always use examples and mention results / impact of your work)

Also do reflect back on your weaker answers, think about how you would rephrase your reply were it asked again.

Something will turn up, keep applying, polish your interview skills, if you’re getting interviews you will land a role.

The reality unfortunately for us mums is that we have to work like we aren't parents and parent like we don't work while the men just have to get themselves dressed and turn up.

Wishing you lots of good luck in your job search!

These recruitment processes can be soul destroying and it sounds as though you've missed out to someone who more closely meets the set criteria - it's not a reflection on your value though, and just getting interviews and good interview feedback is in itself encouraging.

Are you looking for a role with some flexibility for right now, whilst you think about longer term options?

Have you tried any public sector organisations? Local authorities, the civil service and government agencies tend to offer more flexibility than the private sector in my experience (flexible working arrangements, flexitime) - are there any opportunities like that near where you are? Some organisations might even sponsor qualifications.

Can your experience in Libraries translate to the education sector more generally - schools, universities and colleges or education providers?

I've had friends who have worked from home for education providers as EFL teachers to overseas students - they didn't have any previous teaching or language experience and they received full training.

Not to put you off the law route, but I wouldn't recommend paying for law conversion courses yourself without getting a training contract with a law firm. There just aren't enough training contracts for the numbers of people who do the courses unfortunately.

Training for Law is a lot of work and frankly I think you’d struggle right now. By all means see if you can get a few days in a solicitors’ firm or barristers’ chambers - but even that wouldn’t really prepare you …

As everyone says - if you’ve gone into interviews waving a big ‘ SAHM With Four Year Old Twins’ placard you can’t expect to be hired. You probably haven’t done that. It’s probably the years out, combined with applying for junior positions you’re theoretically over-qualified for.

If I were you - I would call on the contacts you have from university / professional training and discuss how you can move forward. Whether that means a refresher course of some sort, or a few months volunteering in a thriving library. Something new to put on your CV.

Have you ever worked at

Gladstone’s Library?

That might be a lovely experience as well as useful new experience.

Hi, thanks so much for the advice, it's really helpful! I understand what most of you are saying about going for more junior roles. There aren't many senior roles that have come up and I thought a step down would suit my life a bit more at the moment as I have alot going on in my personal life. I would like to progress again in the future, when things are a bit more settled but I can see how my experience could be off putting.
Yes, law is a bit of a pipe dream at the moment and, as I said, I've got too much going on at the moment to commit to that level of work.

I just got some feedback from my recent interview and it was really positive. They just said someone who had worked there before and understood slightly better how they run their specific services got the role. Sounds like I was just unlucky this time as I don't think there was anything more I could do. Maybe it is also the situation in libraries at the moment, as someone else mentioned. I could try and research the company a bit more for next time I guess.
@Justnippinginthegaragelove I'm sorry you're going through this too! It sounds like people might be getting put off by your level of experience too. It really is a difficult position to be in as if you're not in the running anymore as you've been out of work for so long, you're overqualified! I can't get retail jobs either. Sometimes you just need a job to live and it's so frustrating when you can't get anything at all, despite working hard to achieve qualifications and experience. I'm sure we'll both get there in the end.

@SirChenjins oh that's really a Shane isn't it? I mean I don't think I have more experience than other mum's who are already working. But I do think being a mum has helped me develop so much on a personal level and I'd be a much better worker now in so many ways as a consequence. I think being a mum is such a worthwhile experience and just as worthwhile as any employed or voluntary experience. I mean it's the hardest job I've ever had to do and it's such a shame it's not valued in the workplace.

@TeachesOfPeaches I agree! I don't see many men having to deal with these kind of issues.

Sorry no idea why some of my paragraphs have merged together.

I don’t see it as a shame, no. I’m not quite sure why you feel giving up work to be a parent gives you additional skills that women who’ve had children and continued working don’t have? I don’t want to get into a debate about sahp v wohp but unless your time away from the workplace enabled you to build skills specific to the roles you are applying for then being a parent isn’t something that employers are interested in.

@SirChenjins sorry, I think you're misunderstanding me. I don't think I have more skills than women who choose to stay in the work place. I'm talking about myself on a very personal level. I am a better person now, for very personal reasons, after becoming a mother. I'm sure many women who aren't mother's, for example, go through their own personal growth in many different ways. Just, for me, it has been very impactful in my life personally. People discuss how they develop skills in all manner of situations and experiences, I would like to be able to discuss my experiences as a SAHM mother as one of them. I really don't think I'm better than mothers who work or who choose not to have children.

When I talk about being a "better worker", I mean compared to myself when I was younger, not other women. It's a very personal experience for me. I am not competing with other women who have their own paths, no better or worse than mine.

I'm in a similar boat OP, I considered law and looked into what it takes to actually land a contract once you've finished the training, and the requirements are out of this world. They all seemed to want to look at my A-levels which rules me out for the best jobs. Law is very poorly paid if you don't get into one of the "big" companies.

I had a thread a couple of months ago asking about my specific situation. The consensus seemed to be that tech/cybersecurity is still a good place to retrain at the moment, and there are free/funded skills bootcamp courses run by local colleges that are distance learning. If you're already qualified in information management for libraries this might be a good shout for you, too?

If you just want a job for now while you work out your next move, how about food service? Lots of places are only open during school hours around here, and lots of other places will give you the hours you can work (e.g. McDonalds is quite good at giving you set hours within your own schedule, as long as it matches up with the needs of the business). You would need to weigh up what it would do to your UC and whether it's better financially than being on benefits though.

No words of wisdom, OP, just wanted to wish you good luck in your job search. I really wish society would start seeing the value of SAHMs and that employers would give more chances to SAHMs returning to work.
I am so lucky that a family member has offered me very part time work while I'm a SAHM (by choice) to keep my foot in the door, otherwise I think I'd spend my years at home worrying about how I'd get a job when I eventually returned to work.

I do understand what you mean, but I wouldn’t refer to your children or your being a parent when you’re interviewing for a role - unless, as I said, you’ve developed a very specific skillset eg you’re applying for a role with a charity that supports parents who have a child with a disability and your child has that disability. Being a parent is the most important thing you will do in your life and in the life of your child, but in the workplace it’s just something many of us do outside the 9-5.

@SirChenjins don't like full-time mothers much, do you.

I agree with this.

Thanks everyone for your advice. I did get a part time job in the end, albeit fixed term, but it's something to tide me over until my children start school next September. I really found it much tougher getting a job after being out of work for some time and I still find it disheartening that mentioning your skills as a SAHM are not seen as relevant in the workplace. Even as working mothers who do it all, including mothering at home, being at home full time with children is still an experience worth noting in its own right in my view. Being with children full-time at home is bloody challenging in it's own way (not to compare with the equal difficulty of splitting your time between work and home). Both situations help you to develop skills that I believe are relevant to the work place and therefore of note. But I understand my view might be in the minority.

That is great news!

I guess it pisses me off that these kinds of issues rarely affect men yet the mental load of mothering full time or without much support, while working or not seems to fall on women a lot of the time. And, I think this she be recognised more as we're usually doing more and the work done at home is just discounted. Meanwhile men don't take any hit to their careers much of the time - but I might just be bitter as my ex was and still is useless.

Totally agree. They can be abusive but their workplace does not acknowledge this when in fact they should, as many jobs such as labourers are entering peoples homes with women and children inside. Even ones who have been in prison for stalking women and harming children still can work in the public with no supervision or DBS check unless it is a caring role. I know I would not want a man in my home doing building work with a record that's for sure. And yet if it was a woman who was abusive her career would be affected and DBS etc that on top of bringing up their children when the father can be an absent one etc. Not on is it.
I also agree that the skills a SAHM aquire should be acknoedged within the workplace as it develops time management skills, organisation skills , patience , team work , admin via emails to schools etc and sheer resilience etc. All of which is needed within a workplace. Some places do acknowledge this such as working in women's support services however there is still a long way to go within the country.
I can tell you this work ( even fast paced and long hours ) was far easier than when I was a SAHM because you get breaks, are around adults and childcare took care of a lot. However I went part time due to missing out on the kids upbringing and no amount of money was worth that for me. And my degree and countless amounts of qualifications barely counted for anything in jobs even with no gaps. Women don't get it easy.