How busy is too busy to do a PhD?

[PhDdilemma]

I'm thinking about my future options and I'd love to do a PhD. It would need to be a funded post, and would be in a science/health type area. But I also have a very busy life, with SEN children who need a lot of support (youngest is 12), finishing off a house renovation, and my own chronic illness.

My husband in the past has said he'll support me with things, but in reality is not much help. Weaponised incompetence, genuine incompetence, or whatever it is, the end result is that I have little support. There is no family etc nearby that can help either.

I feel like now is the time, before I get any older, so that I can rebuild a career, and do something with my life and my brain. But it would be such a lot of work. I don't know if I would cope.

I'd really appreciate any wise words of advice. I hear of people completing PhDs while starting their family, or with very young children, and I know I wouldn't have managed to do it when mine were younger with their particular needs.

Another worry is the impact on my children. What will the cost to them be if I am busy and distracted during exams etc? Is it better to prioritise helping them through their teenage years, particularly as they need a lot of emotional and educational support? Morally I feel they should be my priority, but I'll be in my 50s when they're all over 18.

Scattered thoughts that I've been pondering for some time. What would/did you do?

Is this a career change plan for you or a way back to work? I take it you have a science background already, eg an undergraduate or Masters degree?

What makes you want to do a PhD? It is hugely rewarding but requires a lot of resilience. And STEM ones are more likely to be career related but still competitive.

It would be a tangent from my previous career into research. Yes, I have plenty of experience and qualifications (including a recent Masters) and think I'd stand a good chance on the right project. There are other career options, but research really appeals and I'm good at it. The Masters was doable part time, but part time funded PhDs are rare and unlikely without at least starting it full time.

I completed my biology PhD in 4 years, which is the standard for the UK. It was full time and I was in the lab/office Monday to Friday 9.30 to 5.30 ish.

Parents do complete PhDs, of course, but if you're intending to do a research PhD part time I can see it taking a lot longer.

I'd think carefully about doing a Ph.D, what would it help you move into exactly? Are you motivated by what you feel would be the prestige of having a Ph.D.? How would it impact your finances during and after. While it can be a very rewarding thing to do if it isn't something that will take you much further in your career then it can be an expensive and resource heavy (in every way) thing to do and there is no shortage of people with PhD's that have not really done much for them. Only you can answer these questions and say if its worth it.

My advice would be to have a very clear idea of the purpose of your PhD and where you are hoping it will take you. My experience was that it is too easy to start with the idea that it sounds like a nice thing to do and might facilitate a career change in some sort of unspecified way, and then when the going gets tough you wonder why on earth you are doing it. So I'd recommend really thinking it through- is it for personal interest, to make some sort of specific career change, for the challenge of it- all valid reasons but worth really thinking through what it is that you are hoping the PhD will offer you, because they are long and they are challenging in a way that a taught degree isn't. If the aim of the PhD is to help you rebuild a career, I'd do your research into the doors it will open for you and whether there are any other ways to open those doors.

I did mine in 4 years while also working 1.5 days a week and having kids (although no SEN or health issues). It's definitely doable and a lot of my fellow students also combined their research with other commitments- family and/or work such as teaching.

IME children need support during exams but they certainly don't need you to be available 24/7 and it can be very good for them to see that their parents also have interests and commitments.