Please can I hear positive stories from low stamina people

[achipandachair]

I have always struggled with my mental health.
I need a lot of down time to cope. I could work a full time job in the old fashioned 9-5 with short commute sense, but during my working life that has not been possible. I need 8 hours sleep, time to see friends, time outdoors, time to do creative things, time to cook proper food. Every week I cut corners on most or all of those.

i have oscillated through my whole working life between periods of success, reduced performance and full on burn out. I will commit to what is needed, do my best as long as I can, then either go flakey or have a collapse it takes time to recover from.

I’m 53. I’m a single parent of two kids. I should be able to design a better life for us than this.

Please can I hear positive stories from people who have made a working life work while not working / commuting the standard 50/60 hours that seem to be needed?

bump

any ideas please?

I think you need to be realistic.
I'd love 8 hrs sleep every night, time to see friends, time for family, time for hobbies,time to exercise, time to cook healthy meals from scratch everyday...but I can't do all that and be in a high level high performance job.
I guess if you are doing all that then you're not low stamina you are just expecting you should be able to have all the things you want and not feel tired/burnt out etc
Perhaps take some time to work out priorities..and accept we'd all like the life you describe but it's just not possible

Oddly enough I recognise exactly what you’re saying, @achipandachair - and wonder how you navigate bringing up two children in the midst of it all.

My observations are not encouraging I’m afraid - you either need to inherit enough to live at your own pace, or acquire a wealthy and indulgent partner. It can get tricky when neither of these apply.

But you’ve put this on the Mature Study & Retraining board - so are you considering a course of study, or retraining? I’d advise doing something you’re really, really keen on, even something you feel compelled to do - because it’s the adrenalin that will get you through. Whether you emerge with a new and sustainable career is a different matter.

No, @Theredjellybean - it’s not that I do all that. It’s that I don’t do anything but work and take care of my kids and as a result my health lets me down, badly, on a regular basis.

@KomproMatilda yes I am trying to retrain but at the moment it’s not going well as I’ve hit a patch of burn out. I’m not sure where to go from here

What income do you need to live a reasonable life (pay bills, contribute to a pension, save a small amount, one 'away' holiday a year)? Eg 20-30k, 30-40, 40-50, 50 plus?

Is that the income you have now?

At 55 I would say one of the reasons I can manage my job and enjoy life is because I've been doing my job for over ten years - there are aspects of it I can do without strain. I definitely don't have the cognitive flexibility I used to have, and I'm more tired than I used to be, but I don't have to put every bit of me into my job any more, and i can choose to work in a job that . That worries me slightly in the context of you retraining, but presumably there are good reasons for you doing that.

My answer to the question above is 30-40k. If I chose to be really frugal I could probably do under 30k but I would have to cut a lot of things I enjoy.

Are you hoping that people will tell you you should stop? Walk away from the retraining because it’s too much for you?

Please don’t do that. You will feel a hundred times worse about your life if you give up. And I cannot express to you just how buoyant and triumphant and renewed you will feel if you successfully complete whatever you’re doing. Remember it’s highly likely that everyone following the same path will at some point feel terrified and exhausted - not just those suffering from ‘low stamina’.

I recognise what you are saying op. Retraining is very energy intensive. Are you doing this to get a higher salary/more flexibility? When I worked full time I also went through periods of burnout. I now work two days a week but my husband also works and we own our own house. I think you need to have a serious think about how much money you need & how to earn more money working fewer hours. Are you a very conscientious person? I took on a huge mental load trying not to let anyone down. Hope you manage to find a better work life balance.

I think define which specific aspects of work or study that drain you and which aspects that you find very easy and find suitable roles accordingly.
I know people who hate working alone or doing repetitive job, to me that is heaven and working in a 'lively' and busy environment is my hell. Someone else I know hates a commute so he chose a job 5 minutes walk away that doesn't pay as well but he is happier for it. Sometimes being in a lesser paying job long term is more financially and career wise rewarding than bursts of well paid roles followed by burn out out of employment periods or zigzagging in different jobs and seriorities.
Be honest about who you are and what you offer rather than your fantasy or once upon a time version of yourself. Be real about what you can and can't do.

@KomproMatilda thats really helpful. Thank you. No, I was afraid that I’ve embarked on something insane and I really do want to see it through and not be told to stop! I appreciate that post very much.

@Lovelyview , exactly, the goal is to increase earning potential and flexibility. I’m on my own but I dream one day of moving in with dp when my kids are older and hopes working less. If he hasn’t given up on me by then. I’m hard going right now

@Finnyfinfin I think I literally just need as a key thing much lower volumes of work than seems to be considered normal in the types of jobs I seem to end up in. Some people can stand longer hours as standard (apparently, they seem ok, I hope they are ok) and others actively seem to make extra work and drama wherever possible. I would like clear objectives, manageable workload, analysis and presentation are things I’m good at and enjoy, that’s pretty much it

Hi @achipandachair , how are things going now?
I'm currently on the retraining rollacoster too, and today has felt particularly hellish. Not for any real reason, just finding the work plus learning plus wondering what the hell I'm doing has all got on top of me today

I’ve been in Oxfordshire recently, and whether in the city centre or in surrounding towns every coffee shop has a small huddle of bright eyed, bushy tailed postgrads, each brilliantly disguising one screaming thought - What Have I Done??

Hard to believe I was one of them just a handful of years ago. (Different city.) No one seeing me in the midst of my peers back then would have known what an impossible leap it took to be there. Or how many times during that year I almost wept with terror and exhaustion on the journey home after long punishing days convinced that I was the Worst Student Ever.

I wasn’t. I survived. I would give an enormous amount to do it all again …

Your career sounds like mine.

Get a hobby you can do in some way on your commute. Even if you drive you can listen to podcasts about it and develop knowledge.

How well are you doing all of these things when you do them op?

One of my sisters takes ages to do things because she is a perfectionist and does everything to a very high standard and basically wears herself out.

Having said that, being a single parent to two kids is hard. You must never get a break. So maybe you are being far too hard on yourself? And your expectations are too high? Retraining on top of everything else is very demanding.

Last suggestion; have you considered that you may have ASD? Flaking out or needing a lot of recovery time and regular eating and sleeping schedules sounds like it could potentially be autism. And the fact that you have always struggled with your mh. Do you have any sensory issues? It might be worth pursuing a diagnosis as work are then obliged to provide reasonable accommodations.

Does it feel slightly different now we are past the darkest bit of winter?