Post-dissertation doom

[StaceyLacey94]

Hello lovely academic folks. I did a full time masters this year (what was I thinking at my age, 36). It was an amazing year, it was very daunting at first, but I made some great friends in the end and wouldn't change my decision to go back to uni for the world.

It was a very tough year though. I'd left my full-time job in audit to study something completely different, lots of family and friends thought I was a bit nuts, but i was miserable doing what I was doing before. Sadly, my fiance and I also split during this year, so our wedding this summer was not meant to be either. I'd also been working on a business I run on the side this year as well, so it's generally been overwhelming with customers needing me too.

The past few months, alongside my business, I'd been working non stop on my dissertation. I don't remember the last time I had a day off or free time really. The dissertation took it out of me, I almost could not finish it as I was feeling like I was at burn out point two days before submitting. But I got it handed in and now I feel... bleurgh

Firstly, I'm panicking that the dissertation is complete garbage, that my supervisor will laugh at it when she sees it. I didn't get much supervision at all apart from a few meetings, they promised to comment on our draft diss but the supervisor never bothered. Even worse, I am not confident about my data for it, and worried i've completely cocked up this part of the analysis and it's all wrong, wrong, wrong. Then I'm also panicking about plagiarism - I cited every source, but I'm just really paranoid that I'll be called into an academic hearing and told i've copied something, or self-plagarised. I know I was already on track for a distinction and just needed to pass the diss, but I'm in a loop of negative thoughts now. I never thought this would be how I feel after completing the masters.

Secondly, I've felt a HUGE sense of anticlimax. I felt like I'd achieved a huge amount on my diss, but none of my friends and family really cared, haven't bothered to read it yet despite telling e.g. my close family this is my biggest achievement. I shared it in a WhatsApp with family and all I've seen since is the usual stupid memes, not even a congrats or well done from my sisters. I also feel like since doing this masters, my friendship from before have felt different and like they've drifted. I don't know, it feels weird.

Thirdly, I've been EXHAUSTED ever since handing the diss in. I missed an appointment this morning because I overslept, I've not left the house yet, I have no idea what to do with this additional free time (outside of my business), and just feel a bit lost. I'm planning to start applying for jobs relating to my masters soon, but I've just been completely exhausted.

Have any other mumsnetters been here and felt like this? I don't get my grades for months, not sure I will cope feeling this way for months on end.

Hi OP - firstly, well done in completing it and submitting on time! I am in the death spiral of mine and submission date is this friday. I am nowhere near complete and starting to feel a bit sick with dread at the thoughg of getting it complete. I too fear it will be complete garbage and I will have totally embarassed myself to my supervisor, plagiarised myself, cocked up me references…. The list goes on. my research question left a lot to be desired but I have also had one w*nker of a summer, which left me totally behind.

i’m so sorry that you’re relationship broke up. Could it be that you’ve thrown yourself into the D as a means to get through the break up? I can’t believe you kept up with your studies throughout that, and you must have a sound grasp of your subject to be on the path of a distinction.

re the family, I’m the first in my immediate circle to fo a Masters (I left school at 16) and only 4 of us in my extended family to do a postgrad. They just do not get it, nor do they care. I certainly wouldnt ecpect them to read it, as they wouldnt have a clue what to look for and - quite frankly - I’d be seen as a bore.

i think you need to allow yourself this time to be exhausted. Walk. Eat well. Plan fun activities for September and October. You need to process the year before you start something new.

Well done. I suspect you've done incredibly well because these feelings are most common among students who have worked really hard.

You're exhausted, rest and sleep. If you've handed it in it isn't your problem any more- good luck 🍀.

Oh, and if it helps after handing in my PhD I called in on my parents, in theory for a night, on my way home. I don't think I left the bedroom for days. I was like a hibernating bear!

It's true other people do t care when you get extra qualifications later in life. They may even be jealous.

Also if you've been so focussed you probably haven't been available to others do you're probably getting kick back from that.

There's also some misogyny thrown in.

Sorry it's been tough.

Well done you for getting through your course, especially during a break up. I hope you're really proud of yourself!

As was said upthread, my family and friends would never have read my dissertation and I wouldn't expect them to. It won't be interesting to them, they won't understand the style of academic writing and refs etc.

It sounds like you're on a big come down now, understandably. Rest, be kind to yourself. And maybe try focus on job hunting to keep you busy?

Waiting for results is horrible, but there's nothing you can do. Just ride it out. You're on track for a dissertation, but frankly nobody cares about masters results- just having one is an achievement enough!

You've done amazingly well! I remember how I exhausted I was after finishing my first MSc - and that was part-time over four years while working full-time, don't recommend!

I just finished a full-time PGDip and will wait a year until I attempt the MSc top-up 😜.

Have some rest if you can - you've earned it.

Totally normal to feel like this. How did do get on BTW?