Feel stuck, too many ideas, nothing feels right...

[NotAllWhoWanderAreLost121]

Hi everyone, just wanted to see if anyone has been in the same boat, and can relate. Also would love to hear from those who were in the same boat, but managed to stumble upon something that became a fulfilling lifestyle change / career for them. Also, if anyone has suggestions or ideas, those are welcome too.

At the moment, I am in my late thirties, an expat living abroad and not planning to return to the UK, one pre-school child (not planning any more). Have been a SAHM for 3 years, and now thinking about career directions.

I have a huge bucket list of what I want to do, but nothing feels 'quite right'. On the bucket list, I have things like have a successful career coaching business (have some training in this field already), train as a clinical psychologist / psychotherapist / counsellor (have a degree in psych). I also have things such as music, fine art, jewellery design, creative writing (I love reading and have a few novel ideas I want to write) and poetry on my bucket list, as well as completing a PhD in a topic that interests me (I think I would enjoy academia, I like giving presentations, etc).I have also considered librarianship.

Committing to any one thing fills me with dread, as I then worry about missing out on everything else (I suspect I have ADD, which makes me want to do lots of things at once).

I also get anxious that something won't work out, and I've invested time and money and it was a waste of time.

Also, studying psychology can be quite 'heavy' and one needs time to reflect, debrief and look after one's own mental health too.

I sometimes think about doing something totally random and unrelated (a complete fresh start), such as virtual PA, or art and design. But then I know I would miss psychology, I absolutely loved doing my degree (it didn't feel like work at all...) I read a lot in the field of psychology, I know I would absolutely love working with other people to help them overcome obstacles, etc. But it is a massive commitment, and requires a great deal of determination.

I just feel a bit stuck and indecisive - all options seem good, but equally all options seem scary and like I'd be missing out on something else. I must add, I used to work in the corporate world (HR, etc) and that just isn't for me. I am more of a creative type of person, somewhat introverted but also enjoy meeting other people and connecting with them on a deeper level.

As I child, I wanted to be an actress. I had this very strong sense of "this is it, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life" about acting and performing arts. But then I developed confidence issues as a teenager, and stopped going to drama clubs, etc. I tried to get into it as an adult, but just couldn't take it seriously. I do enjoy singing / songwriting now though as a hobby.

I just miss that feeling of 'knowing' that 'this is the career for me'. I haven't had it since. I also envy people who randomly did a course in something, then fell in love with that one thing, and have been doing it forever since. I'd love to experience that! I also envy people who have a portfolio career and somehow make it work (and pay!).

As a parent of a small child, I can't be too wild with my ideas, and need to be home for her to some extent, so the hours need to be reasonable and I can't be away at all hours. I don't really know how to proceed with all these ideas / thoughts floating around in my head.

I hope the above makes sense, looking to hear from anyone that can add their two cents. Please be gentle, it's taken me a while to pluck up the courage to share this one. Thank you :) 😊

Hey.

That's quite a long post and does bounce around a few issues.

Have you been assessed for ADD? Worth considering that. I know ADHD meds can be transformative but not sure if they also work for ADD. I do wonder if without this you will continue to struggle with that sense of restlessness.

Also, I don't think many people have a sense of purpose in the way that you're describing. Lots of career established people question whether they are doing the right thing for themselves at points along the way. This sometimes leads to portfolio careers! To some extent life is about just making the next right step and a career is made by building on what went before, even when going through the inevitable moments of itchy feet that occur across a long career - resolved by making a shift or change within the career, not always leaving entirely. Please remind yourself you are probably looking for a mirage here. It's rare to have that.

I think your "bucket list" (though that's not how I'd use that term) is obviously unachievable. You could think about what is ok to relegate to hobby or retirement pastime and what is more what you would want to do as a job. Do you need to earn money? Build a pension? You could also do some values type quizzes and personality quizzes to help you think about your values and strengths and therefore what might suit. I'd recommend seeking work experience before making expensive commitments to study.

Some things can be combined - psychology could easily combine both psychotherapy type activities and academia type activities under one umbrella. If you are interested in this, look carefully at training routes and professionalisation. It can be tricky moving these quals internationally as there isn't standardization - its harder than medicine.

More to say but kids calling. Best wishes...

Thank you for reading my lengthy post and replying with some really good advice, Henchilada :) I've just started working with an ADD therapist, I've decided to actually save this post and show it to her at our next session. Haven't considered meds yet, but will definitely look into it. At the moment I'm trialling mindfulness meditation. I've also noted down your advice about work experience before committing to any type of course. I'll definitely do that. Also, it's good to hear that the whole 'career as a calling' thing is rare and probably a rather elusive goal to have...particularly in adulthood!.

Yes … It doesn’t sound as if you’re at the right stage to commit to any particular route yet. The therapy sounds like a good step.

I do think you need to move past the ‘bucket list’ mindset. Rather than looking for what might entertain you, as an employee, think about what skills and qualities you could bring to your work or study.

Hi @NotAllWhoWanderAreLost121, as I was reading your post I was reminded of a book I read recently: Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher.

Basically she writes about people who have many interests, can't seem to stick to one thing, feel like they're missing out on other things if they do commit to something and are scared to choose a career in case they choose the wrong one. She calls these people 'Scanners' and there are many different types -she helps you identify your type and how you can use your many skills and talents in a career, or sideline hobby, whatever you want to do.

I can really recommend this book; I thought there was something wrong with me for being interested in so many things before I read it!

Hi guys, thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

@PerditaProvokesEnmity Perdita, thank you for the tips, that's a very interesting idea to move away from the bucket list and towards my skills and abilities, and seeing what kind of work they would translate to.

@itstoopeopleyoutthere thank you for the book recommendation...I do actually have that book on my book shelf, though I haven't read it yet! It's going back on the to do list. Glad to hear I'm not the only one!

Hi I have just come across this and wondered how you are getting on as I am in a vv similar situation to you! (Abroad, diagnosed ADHD, have been a SAHM for a ridiculous amount of time, feel a total fraud, feel like this is my "big" chance to do something different but don't know exactly what - even have the interest in psychology and background in creative work!)

Something I did decide was rather than trying to focus on an end goal and then work out how to get there, I thought why don't I look at all the options which are accessible to me from where I am right now and just pursue any which sound interesting.

Anyway, I have found an occupational therapy apprenticeship degree course which I think I'm going to go for, I do need a better language qualification, but now I have this in mind I think this strategy might work quite well rather than starting with the end goal and then trying to work out how to get there. I think this is a bit backwards compared to what is usually advised, which is what I generally find with ADHD - whatever the normal advice is, do the opposite of that or the opposite way round!

But yes - bit of a revelation for me. So what I did to find this was looked at local job openings, I even applied for quite a few jobs, unfortunately for me this was back in 2020 so you can guess how that went. Then I had another baby anyway. But that gave me an idea of what kinds of work I could do at that point in time, and helped me develop I think about three different CV/profiles which I could pursue concurrently. If I was going to do this again I think I'd also identify local companies that are in the right kind of field so I could keep an eye specifically on their openings or make a speculative application.

I wasn't looking at training then because the idea was for me to have a salary ASAP. However this has now changed and is not such an urgent requirement, so I started looking at training courses. I got stuck for a really long time because I don't have a degree or even A-Levels so I kept looping back to wanting to do a degree. However the problem with this is that most degrees don't typically steer you into a job, and don't give a huge amount of practical experience with jobs. The fact I'd have to do a preliminary qualification as well to qualify me to start the degree was just ludicrous so I gave up on that idea, then I realised that my GCSEs count as the same qualification that you need to do an apprenticeship, so I started looking for those instead, and that seemed useless for ages as the ones I was finding advertised were totally different fields to what I was interested in, and then I randomly saw a billboard ad for the OT course. Initially thought it sounded boring and then realised that everything I've been fed by social media algorithms over the last few months is OT, speech therapy, SEN support and I've been looking longingly at this content thinking awww if I'd known that job existed when I was younger. I suddenly put it together and literally did a cartoon "Wait WHAT?"

So now I am looking at/for local FE type colleges/adult education type places to see what they have on offer. Pursuing that one specifically. But looking at others too. I don't want to do distance learning because I know I will be crap at that, but identifying a couple of potential job paths and concurrently checking courses that I'm qualified for now (or could get qualified for fairly easily) seems like a good route to do for the moment anyway.