Dealing with anxiety/pressure

[OctoblocksAssemble]

Any tips for this? I'm feeling so crap after another night of broken sleep (can't get back to sleep after kids wake me).

I'm currently on year 2 of a diploma. First year did not go great, but due to assessment all being in the second year my chances of passing weren't actually damaged, but I my head I have so much doubt about my ability to pass and actually do the job (the diploma is very industry specific).

I'm drowning in misery, terrified of the start of assessment, worried I've wasted the course fees, cursing myself for being useless and not having sorted a decent paying career before kids. I'm awfull to live with right now too, and I can't complain at home because it was my choice to do it in the first place.

People that love study/pressure, how on earth do I get into that mindset? How do I not waste the opportunity I have when inside I hate the pressure and just want to run away.

Well, I never got into the mindset of enjoying it, but I have just finished a Master's (part time) while working full time and it was torture. I hated it. However - I had to do it, I paid a significant lump of money towards it, so I did what needed to be done. I constantly reminded myself that I didn't have to do it perfectly, that all I needed to do was pass. That took a lot of the pressure off. I wrote down why I had started in the first place, and I went back to that loads. It was a means to an end.

Now it is over, I can reflect on the benefits that I have gained (apart from the qualification). It has deepened my critical thinking skills. It has contributed to my self esteem. And I have role modelled tenacity and sticking with something difficult for my kids (now 11 and 14).

But yeah - hated every second. Struggled loads. Did it anyway. Best of luck to you.

Oh well done, that's an amazing achievement.
It's good to hear that hating it doesn't necessarily equate to failing. I will try to write out why I started this course for motivation.

People that love study/pressure

Ha! I’ve rarely met one and I’ve been through countless august academic institutions. Pretty sure most people with an entire alphabet of letters after their name would rather be curled up on the sofa watching Boiling Point than concentrating on work.

I certainly don’t love pressure, and three quarters of the way through the postgraduate degree I took in my fifties I was convinced I was going to fail. Left with a Distinction. Partly because I really, really loved the subject - even though I felt useless at it, partly because I could not face disappointing all the people who knew I was doing it, and partly because my tutors were relentlessly encouraging when I wanted to give up. I astonished myself and - sorry to sound cheesy - you can too.

While I agree that most of us would prefer TV, I meant more the difference between work and study. My husband would love to do a PHD, not for any specific career goals or subject love but because he wants the kudos and genuinely prefers study to work. Mysteriously he hasn't been successful with his applications 😏
I vastly prefer work to study. Focusing on what I don't know as opposed to what I do plays havoc with my self confidence.

People that love study/pressure

That's me. I did crap at school and have meandered through higher education throughout adulthood, and recently finished a PhD as I head towards 60. I've only ever studied stuff I've been interested in, and never with a goal in mind, but it's all been useful in different ways.

I think people underestimate how exhausting thinking is, and perhaps mistake the pressure of intense thinking for stress. It is hard, of course, but incredibly satisfying when you pull everything you've been learning into something organised and cohesive.

Focusing on what I don't know as opposed to what I do plays havoc with my self confidence.

That's all in the framing.

You could say studying is about focusing on the great things you can accomplish and your amazing capacity to progress through a qualification. As opposed to plodding along at work with the same stale stuff.

Change the lens you're looking at it through and your feelings can change too.

It’s a really interesting distinction, @OctoblocksAssemble.

For me - I feel almost zero confidence in what I’m supposed to know (and in my previous profession I was paid to be the most knowledgeable person in the room). So burrowing down endless rabbit holes discovering new stuff is both a relief and an adventure. Finding things out, discovering how other people think, making connections between diverse pieces of information - it’s what brings colour to being alive.

Interesting points of view. My previous field involved a lot of technical knowledge, and I loved the feeling of being specialised and having the answers. Even if I didn't know exactly what was needed I could sound like I did until there was time for a sneaky Google. I also did well by learning here and there to solve specific problems.
My issue now is that I've left my little pond, and am now adrift with the amount I need to learn...for no immediate specific problem. I don't get the 'yay, solved it' reward, so it doesn't feel like I'm actually achieving anything. It isn't a modular course, so I've literally got nothing to show for it at the moment. I can’t currently see myself loving this new career either, unless I can use the qual to move slightly sideways. The straight up job I will qualify for is much less appealing in reality than in theory.

Hmm that's tricky. It might just be one of those things where you have to look after yourself while feeling uncomfortable. As lame as that sounds.

That middle period where you're too invested to easily walk away, but not far enough to bank anything and stop is probably the hardest bit mentally. Like being halfway through a long journey stuck on a boat with motion sickness.

Worse case scenario couldn't you do a credit transfer to another institution to sidestep into something slightly less specialised?

What's put you off the new career since you started the course?

Sorry for the slow reply, it's been a busy month.
Re what's put me off. There's a lot of things I can nitpick at, but I think ultimately it comes down to the fact that I thought being qualified in a professional career would give me some self confidence, but so far all I have achieved is imposter syndrome...
Assessment has now started. I feel utterly sick with embarrassment at the thought of submitting anything, but I shall just have to suck it up and give it a go.

I feel utterly sick with embarrassment at the thought of submitting anything

I've struggled with that feeling when trying to write and it was stopping me from getting anything written. What helped me was separating the task of writing it from the task of submitting it.

Nobody's looking over your shoulder reading or judging while you write it. Nobody can see it and nobody will ever know what your first draft looked like.

So nothing to feel embarrassed about while working on the assessment. Don't let your emotions trip you up because they're several steps ahead of where you actually are.

I thought being qualified in a professional career would give me some self confidence, but so far all I have achieved is imposter syndrome...

You need a chat with your Student Services department! But I’m not quite sure if your course is face to face or online. Either way, there ought to be non-teaching staff available to whom you can offload your doubts and fears. They’ll have seen it all before and should have strategies to help you.