Just started masters - having a wobble!

[Dishy707]

Sorry for the long post in advance.

I started an in-person masters this week. Full-time and on campus. I’m in my mid 30s and dealing with a range of emotions. Mainly “what have I done” and “what am I doing here”. Everyone seems so young and in just a very different phase of life. Why did I think this was a good idea?

I don’t feel like I have any confidence at all. Not to speak up in classes or socialise with others. I never expected to feel like this. It’s massive imposter syndrome like I’ve never felt before, and I was very senior and accomplished in my previous career so it’s not necessarily a competency issue.

I am trying to tell myself the experience will be what I make of it. I’m not interested in parties, student union politics or becoming BFFs with everyone. I have a family and friends outside of uni life. But I just feel lost and lonely already.

The uni has tons of resources and support but I can’t help feeling just so out of place and like I don’t belong here. I also spent almost two hours today just trying to connect to the bloody WiFi and get my calendars synced from the uni email system, then the rest of the day as well as yesterday making sense of all the different systems and software they use. For all high responsibility jobs I’ve had in the past, I feel so stupid too!

The people I have met who are mostly much younger have been nice. But it’s hard to relate to them on many levels. I am not staying in halls, I thankfully have my own house, I’m not overly worried about jobs at the end of the programme as I guess I am privileged to have my previous career to fall back on if I really had to. I don’t know, I’m in some WhatsApp groups with my cohort and there is so much stuff being posted that I wouldn’t personally stress over. Maybe it’s life experience but whenever I look at the WhatsApp’s I just want to tell them all to calm down, they do seem to stress about the most inconsequential things. And then there’s the students who can’t be bothered to find information themselves and spam others with basic questions. Argh, I know I just need to suck it up and remember I will also have a lot to learn from them.

I feel like I’d love to be put in touch with a mature students society or officer to talk through these issues as I don’t want to let it ruin the experience and to feel this way all year.

I’m also feeling a really strange longing for the security in my old life before I blew it all up. Stable salary, network of friends and colleagues. I left all that behind as I was miserable as in my career, but now I just feel totally… unmoored, uneasy and the most unsure I’ve felt about myself in decades.

Is this normal?

Sorry, nothing helpful to say but this all sounds a normal reaction to any big life change. An amazing and positive step forward, please give yourself time!

I agree this sounds totally normal response to a big change in life. It sounds like many of the other younger students are also feeling unsettled and are just articulating it differently. I did my MA at a similar age, I wasnt doing it to make friends, have plenty of those, although did end up making some pals along the way and am still in touch with one who was in her early 20s then.
I agree I wasn't in it to be daft, to party etc. What I loved was the opportunity to learn again, but with my more sensible head so I really focused on the learning not the fun times like I had at uni the first time round. I relished really giving myself over to the learning, time in the library etc.
I think deep breathe and things will feel more settled in a month and keep focused on why you are there. Oh and mute the group chat!

Mature masters students are wonderful to teach IME - wait until you start lectures and get to know your teachers - go and see them in their office hours and talk about your interests and goals. We often sit there all alone and nobody ever comes to see us! Start up a mature student group in your Dept if there isn't one already - ask the post-grad secretary or the director of taught PG students - we have one and it can be a great place for support.

University systems and software can be a nightmare to navigate and get to grips with -you are not alone!

I did a masters in my early 20s. There was a woman in her 40s in the class and a man who celebrated his 60th birthday during the course. Nobody batted an eyelid and they were an absolute joy to do assignments with. You should be proud of yourself. 30s is still very young. Some people spend their whole lives studying.

Retired professor here - my oldest student was 82.

Thank you everyone! I’m feeling a bit better today. Still feel like a fish out of water and like a loner too. BUT the uni have been amazing. Faculty staff, library and support services have been incredibly helpful and I’ve asked them so many questions. Was even the only person in one of their welcome sessions this morning. I guess I’m finding it almost easier to chat to them as they’re a similar age if not older and passionate about education too.

Good news! There must be a mature students' society. I'm sure we had one and it was called the fossils or something 😂. One of the members was mid 20s.