Anxious about becoming a mature student

[misskellyb]

Hi

I guess I just need talking down really. I tried my luck a few years back doing an undergraduate
Degree in graphic design and within 3 months I found out my partner had been cheating, my son was referred for an autism assessment and my mum was sectioned. I'd just recently had a baby too. All while I was struggling with the software content of the degree. I unfortunately had to drop out.

I'm now debating starting again with the OU. A different course this time. English lit and creative writing. Ideally I'd love to be a writer as anything creative just feels right for me. But realistically, I know the careers I would like in the end require postgrad study but in the meantime I'd really just like to achieve this for myself and open some doors in the future. I guess feel a sense of self worth and achievement too.

However I'm worried for a number of reasons

1. If I start, something bad will happen to my family or my life that will postpone or stop the degree from happening. Just like last time, or worse. Maybe this is just my health anxiety speaking but it happened last time, why not again? I just feel it all seems too good to be true that in the next 10 years I could have a complete career change, a degree and some job/self satisfaction.

1. That I can't commit even to part time, never mind full time. I'm a carer for my son. He is starting school in a few days and I don't think it will be smooth sailing with his needs. Basing this on nursery. I already feel snowed under by all the appointments, paperwork and care I provide etc never mind adding school meetings and the absolute additional worry that he will be away from me. It's heartbreaking. I just worry I won't be able to focus on study, in the spare minutes I get.

1. I have 2 young children, one is not even in nursery yet. I have no family support. No childcare options. I have worked out I spend roughly anywhere from 90-110 hours a week awake with them. The rest of the time I'm either asleep, cleaning, doing household admin, or spending minimal downtime. How can I add 16 hours study to this? I absolutely can't do this during the day.

I'm questioning if I should just look at a level 3 course instead back in the graphic design field and look at freelance work but these courses all seem to be at college and full time and I just can't do this as I don't have the childcare. Plus they all cost physical money, there's no student loan option. And since I was 19 I've just wanted to complete a degree but lacked confidence and always talked myself out of it.

My life just feels a mess tbh and my emotions are all over the place. I don't know what to do. Everything has changed, I have no social life, no friends, no hobbies, no escape and no one to turn to for advice.

Can anyone please tell me if I'm being crazy to consider studying? If my anxieties are just anxiety and that I'm being silly to over worry.

I know I could rethink this idea again in a few months but I keep doing this. I have for 12 years. And in that time I could have completed two part time degrees 😂

Any experiences? Any advice? Should I look at other options and be a mature student later on? Any way to break in to the creative arts or arts and humanities sector would just be a dream for me, and to combine that with a career would be amazing. Maybe a degree is the wrong route given my personal circumstances?

Thank you

Anyone?

Creative writing is fab, as is the OU. I'd say absolutely go for it with one proviso- very few people turn it into a career. If your motivation is passion and personal fulfillment, absolutely yes. If you're looking for something to earn you a regular salary, then no- you'd be better doing something else, then once established do creative writing part time or even the short courses that the OU offer. Why not dip your toe in the water with a short course? Good luck

@Basildeleaf thank you for your reply.
Did you study creative writing?
See that's what I've heard and that's why I know further education after will be necessary. I'd look at the possibility of teaching, speech and language therapy as my local uni will accept a degree that has English lit and experience so i know in my head my study won't finish there. I just feel without the degree doors are closed, as up until now they have been. Most jobs of interest over the years requiring a degree of some kind.
Anyway, I've considered other degrees in STEM as that seems to be where the career options are available, physics and astronomy and space etc really interests me but maybe more to the level of I need to know if aliens exist 😂and just pure fascination but genuinely I think I'd struggle with the maths and don't even know what career path that would lead to. I just don't think that is actually for me and feel creativity of some kind is.
I'm so indecisive clearly. I may just have to bite the bullet and if it doesn't work out, accept uni isn't for me.
Short courses I've considered but they all cost upfront from what I've seen.

As I understand it, you can defer modules if you start and then something happens. You can also take study breaks. As long as you complete the degree in the maximum time limit, you can take a slower path.

So I don't think it would necessarily come down to dropping out entirely if life throws something at you. Very few people are going to get a run of 6 years with nothing unexpected or difficult cropping up.

If you're doing it to obtain a degree that will open doors to general graduate schemes and graduate employment routes, that's as good a reason as any. It needs to be a subject you will enjoy and be motivated by to sustain studying. You don't want to spend 6 years struggling with a topic you find dull.

The OU has careers services too. You might have a different vision of where you want the degree to take you by the end of it.

Whatever you decide you need to make the right choice as this will be your last chance to secure funding ( you only get one 'soare year' which you have already used

As cliche as it may sound, I do think you need to go into it with the mindset of it being a positive endeavour where you can succeed - even if there are challenges or bumps along the way, you can overcome them.

If you go into it with that undercurrent of "this is all going to go horribly wrong" it will make you more stressed and anxious, which will disrupt your ability to study effectively or slow you down if you're panicking etc. And then it risks becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Part of exam and study technique is managing nerves, the way you talk to yourself, strategies to deal with panic under pressure, managing self-doubt.

The OU has lots of student support resources about how to look after yourself while studying and manage anxiety, so do check those out.

The fact that you've come through all these horrible things in your past and you're still here saying "I want to give this another shot, how do I make this happen for me" is amazing and a testament to how capable you are. I think that's the part to focus on.

I rarely, if ever suggest holding off on academic study … Are you planning to begin at the same time as your elder child starts school - because I think you’re right, the first few months might be a bit full on in terms of settling him. And you’re going to feel despairing if you’re not able to concentrate on your coursework.

I do have a question - are you actually involved in any creative writing pursuits at the moment? You’re obviously extremely busy, but from experience of doing a postgrad degree in the creative arts, I’d say the work is easiest and most fulfilling if it supports and stretches an established practice. Then you have the confidence of bringing something to your coursework.

So … If (understandably) you’re not writing at the moment, I’d consider spending maybe the next six months trying your hand - in a completely un-pressured but focussed way. Get hold of some writing textbooks, maybe do a couple of free Coursera or other short courses, but essentially explore what it is you want to write. Try to complete something, in whatever form suits you. Enter a competition or two.

I think if you can use some of the school hours to concentrate on this you’ll feel in a much stronger position to move forward. I completely understand why you’d feel superstitious about trying another degree - but what if it all goes wrong? really is too much pressure. You need to undertake a course at the point where you know you can do it and it’s within your control. Prove that to yourself first.

Gosh - had forgotten I wrote that!

What excellent advice. Hope it’s been helpful to someone.