Studying PTSD

[theniceunderstandingone]

Posting here to see if anyone answers.

I'll try and keep this brief

From 2013-2018 I studied to be a midwife.
I got to the 3rd year but my first son at the time was a teenager and caused a lot of problems (disruptive in school, expulsion, went to a PRU, then started running away, going missing and got trafficked by drug dealers etc). I had SS involved. My youngest son was having night terrors.
There was also 4 family deaths. I still ploughed on but then I had to step off the course twice.
I went back to finish my last year but I couldn't pass my last competencies or the dissertation because of the above issues.
I never qualified.

I now have a 10 year old (DD) and a 2 year old (DD)
I want to study but whenever I look into it I start shaking and having panic attacks at the thought of essays and revising etc.

I was thinking of doing an NVQ in childcare. Not really my passion but I would need it to work in community nursing or mother and baby units etc.
I love Midwifery and everything mother and baby related but I wouldn't be able to start the midwifery course again because of childcare issues and nights weekends etc.

I just feel so lost career wise.

Has anyone experienced this or know a way I can get over my fear now
Or shall I just settle for the fact I will have to wait until they are much older before I can do anything?

How about a newborn hearing screener. Set shifts and probably more money than nurseries.

Hey OP not sure if you're still here.

Sorry to hear about the deaths, that is horrific. And what happened to DS also awful. I'm not surprised you couldn't finish!

You are currently restricted by the effects of trauma and somewhat by childcare. How about freeing yourself of one of them? I think that EMDR could really help you. It's an evidence-based trauma treatment. Might be best to go to the GP and get on a waiting list. If - when - you are able to study again then you'd be able to look at what you'd actually like to do, rather than what involves fewer academic skills (I'm guessing the NVQ requires less). I'm not sure how that works financially, but it seems a shame to have your future controlled by PTSD/trauma symptoms if it doesn't need to be.

@Rayn22 oh I ever thought of that one but I've just looked and they still want weekends which will be tricky as I have no childcare on weekends

@autocollantes thank you for your reply

I've never heard of EMDR so I will look into and see if my GP can refer me for it. Thank you again