Finding it hard to celebrate my successes

[LovelyNanny26]

Hi I'm 35 and I have recently graduated from The OU after 6 long and hard years.In the meantime I had a baby just before first lockdown and I had to support my husband after his sister took her own life and be a mum to my baby.As you can imagine it was hard and I felt like giving up many times.I should be proud of myself and be happy that I have managed to get an education while juggling so many commitments.I always want more and I never feel satisfied with myself.My parents never celebrated our achievements and we don't have the best relationship.However, I'm always supper happy and make a lot fuss when my toddler does something great/funny. Anyone in the same situation and is able to help me stop feeling like this.Thank you.

I’m not in this situation, but wanted to say Congratulations on getting your degree, especially with the other things going on. It shows determination and persistence.
Maybe the fact that your parents didn’t celebrate your achievements has something to do with the way you are feeling-that somehow it’s wrong to be proud of yourself,
which it isn’t of course. It’s good to read that you are not doing the same with your child.

Congratulations on your degree.

I think childhood is definitely a big factor, I have two degrees, the second an OU one I got whilst juggling postnatal mental health issues, the death of my father and the birth of my second child but I've never seen either of them as an achievement. Partly because my parents were a mix of "we expect you to excel" and "nothing you do is perfect so why celebrate".

As you say, I think breaking the mould for your own kids is the important bit. Have you considered therapy to unpick your childhood a bit?

I'm in the same situation, have my last OU assignment left to hand in at the end of the month and I'm done. I didn't have any of the sad things you experienced happen to me but I'm a single mum and have had job promotions at work which also required lots of additional working from home and I've found this last year particularly hard to stay motivated.

I was brought up in a very supportive household, always a card and a cake for passing exams, driving tests etc. My parents have looked after DD a lot when she was young when I first started the degree (she was 6 now almost 13). My dad - whilst supportive doesn't actually get that it's a real actual degree although will enquire if I've done my homework like I'm 14 😁

I think the end of the OU degree is quite anticlimactic though, you submit your assignment and its done, you've got your life back. No song and dance. Are you going to a graduation ceremony? You should do, it will be great for any children to see you achieve and you could make it a celebratory weekend away to say thank you to those who have supported you through it.

Thank you so much for all the replies.I'm definitely going to the ceremony booked my tickets yesterday.

Congratulations! 🎉🎉🎉

I’m so glad you’re going to your graduation. Do try to invite someone (partner / friend) who can hold on to your toddler while you’re collecting your certificate. It will be wonderful for your child to be included in photos of their mother celebrating her achievement.

Oddly enough I was thinking about exactly this issue (witholding of family encouragement / celebration) when I saw your thread. I’ve just achieved something I’ve wanted to do for years - and there is deathly silence from relatives whose support has previously been important to me. Now I just press on, regardless.

Thank you.My toddler is staying with my friend.We decided to treat it as a date night too.We haven't been out as a couple for the last two years.