At what point do you give up

[Mol1628]

Rejections or just being ghosted. One job I did get was so awful I had to leave. I was promised a volunteer job but then they just didn’t get back to me. So I can’t even get unpaid work.
Had an interview on Monday. Not heard anything back but they’ve been active on social media since. It’ll be another no. It was always going to be the same. I was perfect for the job but there’s always someone better.

Can’t keep using my time and energy and effort into this. It’s just so bad for my mental health I can barely muster the energy to get out of bed and shower.

I’ve got a good husband lovely children and everything but if I miss the days where I was free and independent with my own money and goals and aspirations.

Sorry to hear you're in this position Op.

What were you working in before?

Just keep going, don’t give up !
What did you do pre-kids ?

What type of work are you looking for? Is it possible to get temp work in that area? If it has been a while since you have worked they may be employing people who are more up to date experience - you'd be able to update your skills by temping.

Are you getting help for your MH ?

How long have you been looking? It took me four months last time. Remember you’ve actually landed one job already, but it wasn’t right for you – and good for you leaving it rather than staying and being miserable.

Job hunting is incredibly demoralising and dispiriting: you need to preserve a sense of self and work hard on your MH when doing it, I find. Remember you’re not your job: it’s just a thing you do.

@stuntbubbles

How long have you been looking? It took me four months last time. Remember you’ve actually landed one job already, but it wasn’t right for you – and good for you leaving it rather than staying and being miserable.

Job hunting is incredibly demoralising and dispiriting: you need to preserve a sense of self and work hard on your MH when doing it, I find. Remember you’re not your job: it’s just a thing you do.

@stuntbubbles

I totally agree with "you're not your job, it's just a thing you do", especially concerning non professional (unskilled work) for which there are now 100s applicants. This kind of work doesn't define most people.

I feel exactly the same! You're not alone. I used to have a good job, they wouldn't let me return part time after the birth of my first child. 7 years on with 2 kids I feel I am totally over looked. I have worked part time in a supermarket for a few years now and absolutely hate it, and all anyone sees is a mum and shop worker, nothing I did pre kids even comes into it! But don't give up, I know I'm not going to. If we give up, then society wins! There will be an employer one day who will see what you're capable of and give you the opportunity you deserve. Maybe you need to have a little self motivational make over. Having recently realised none of my jeans actually fit and some of my tops I'm wearing are still maternity ones, I've decided to revamp my wardrobe, and might even change my hair that's been the same for years. A lot of my problem I think is confidence, perhaps you can relate to that? I can't help but look at the other mums who work, and envy their seemingly effortless ability to juggle parenting and working and looking presentable! I'm sure it's not really like that, but as they say, fake it till you make it!

I was only 23 when I had my first child so I’d just done retail/customer service stuff.

Can’t do temp work I have no skills or experience for those type of roles.

The jobs I’m applying for are only very basic no experience type ones. The most recent rejection they didn’t even take CVs it was super casual- but it still went to someone else with more experience…. It was unskilled 2hrs a day doing something I had done before as well! Which I told them. But still a no.

Most retail type jobs are on ever changing rotas and want flexible availability over all shifts which I just can’t do as I have no childcare or family help.

I think I’d be capable of the jobs , just no one will give me one.

It was a year ago I got the job I had to leave, that was the first one I applied for. But as my hours and availability is seriously limited I can’t even bother applying for most things.

I feel your pain.

SAHM then serious illness and been looking now for years.

I was offered a job late 2019 but the offer was withdrawn due to system accessibility because of my disability (I am visually impaired, and this was a government organisation).

Had two interview invitations withdrawn for the same reason, first was as a customer adviser where the agent said “it would be unfair on a sighted person if they missed out on the job because we gave it to you and it then turned out the system was inaccessible.” And the second was with the London ambulance service where I requested reasonable adjustment to complete part of the assessment which was an online typing test.I just needed to be able to access the text to type, I’m a better typist than most people I know and have 0 doubt I would have been ok. After saying they would look into it they withdrew the interview invite and ghosted me.

Unable to do e.g. retail work because of system inaccessibility so working in a restaurant or e.g. sainsburys checkout is not an option.

Unfortunately job offers being withdrawn for esp VI customers is on the increase. I have now reached the stage where I might as well just give up.

The latest job advert I saw was actually for the RNIB who state that in order to do the job you need to be sighted. This is an organisation who claim to represent the blind and who have only a 7% visually impaired workforce.

Oh goodness @AlternativePerspective that’s dreadful I’m sorry.

It’s SO frustrating wanting to work and just not being able to.

You have got to interview an job offer stage so you must be doing something right! Keep going, a large part of it is a numbers game.

In the same boat, even down to the voluntary work not wanting me. so offering a wave of support.
Alternative perspective, that is awful. So sorry.

Mol1628, what’s your highest qualification? And is there any area of work you would like to move into if you had the qualifications?

There’s a fairly new ‘Mature Study and Retraining’ board, here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mature_students

which might suggest some new options to you. There are threads on everything from retaking Maths GCSE, to Access courses, right through to training for medical careers and what to do post-PhD.

Importantly, lots of threads there cover issues of childcare and how to fit study or training into small amounts of time. And there’s also plenty of discussion on finance and funding for study and training.

I was the same, applying for positions I was qualified for and had experience/volunteered in, always getting down to the final 4-5 but never getting the job. It is so demoralising. I've decided to retrain, I'm going back to uni in September and I can't wait to get started.

Have you ever considered retraining? Is there anything you've always wanted to do? A career goal? Even if you have to go back to the beginning, ie GCSEs or an Access course, it will feel like you're progressing towards your goals.
www.prospects.ac.uk/

You can also do apprenticeships now at any age and with different entry requirements, it could be worth looking into.
www.gov.uk/apply-apprenticeship

Don't give up. Good luck.

I’ve got a levels and a level 3 BTEC as well. But they’re all useless so may as well not have anything!

I would like to train I just really don’t think there’s anything I can do.

Okay … It’s understandable that you’ve lost confidence in the future.

But there must be a reason why you started your thread? And I’m sure it wasn’t because you’re hoping a miraculous stranger will lift you out of the doldrums and straight into a high flying profession?

Your A’ Levels and BTEC are not useless - they’re the cards you hold. The important thing is to build on what you have.

What do you want to do OP. I can see that your self-esteem has taken a knock but if you know what you want to do there will be steps you might be able to take to get you there.

If you've got A-levels (and therefore GCSEs) that's a great start. Some people have to start from scratch, you're almost there.

Have you any ideas what you would like to do?

I have to do it around school hours as I have no one to help so that limits me massively.

I’ve just been applying for very basic positions. Shop work, entry level office stuff , voluntary stuff.

In an ideal world I would train to be a veterinary nurse but that ship has sailed. About 12 years ago I got down to the last two people to start a job and training to become a VN but didn’t get it. I wouldn’t be able to do the hours for something like that now anyway. Some voluntary stuff I’ve applied for has been related to this but it never works out.

I see where you are now.

Half your head is stuck in the past - in what you’ve missed.

And the other half is (slightly stubbornly!) rejecting any possibility of working with what you have.

Bu all means continue to apply for basic jobs that you’re not going to find satisfying. But you must already have grasped that the older you get, the harder it’s going to be to compete with younger people who want the same jobs.

You really would be better off to actively look towards some sort of study or training to enhance your prospects, rather than focussing on perceived barriers. Life isn’t all or nothing …

Think about your current financial situation. How much do you need to be earning right now? And how much time might you be able to carve out for study? You’re fortunate to have a presumably supportive husband - surely between you, you could come up with a timetable that enables you to spend time on something that will improve your quality of life?

Have you looked at what sort of courses are available (perhaps in the evening) at your local colleges?

Or online, of course.

You’re right exactly are you in my head?!

I’d love to do training or something but I can’t think of anything I could do that would lead to any sort of employment I’m not really good at anything and I don’t want to start something and waste my time.

I’ve applied for another voluntary admin position today. I know nothing will come of it but it’s better than not trying for anything, right? 🤦‍♀️

OP
I know I'm coming from a different perspective as I've had a professional career.

But - can you set your sights high and look into things you'd not considered, especially if you can progress some of the study yourself.

E.g - training to be a solicitor. Where I am, there's first an entry exam for non graduates. Self study so you can study in your own time and then turn up to the exam.
Then a set of legal exams- same thing, get the notes, study in your own time.

Only after that do you need to apply for a training placement with a solicitor, in order to be accepted for the next stage of study.

That might be hard to get but thinking creatively, having those sets of exams could get you a job as a legal secretary etc.

I'm sure the system in England would be similar.

Anyway this is just an example.

Or even if you want to start small - have you done the various Microsoft etc courses that would help with an office job?