I have been vegan for close to 10 years.
Over the least few years I have gained a lot of weight and in the last 7 months I gained a further 5 kilos(!). I hate the way I look and feel and I can tell my DP finds me less attractive based on how little sex we're having and the fact that he's always turning the lights off all of a sudden. My face looks fat and if I look down at something I develop extra chins. My clothes don't fit. It's humiliating.
Out of desperation I have cashed in my ethics for my vanity and I am eating fish and green veggies for dinner. I don't really like fish but somehow I can't yet bring myself to eat chicken. Breakfast and lunch are still vegan and low-carb, with most of my carbs coming in at breakfast in whole wheat form.
I intend to see if a month of this makes a difference to my weight all else being equal. So far I notice that I am not hungry later on in the evening or even morning. In fact I don't feel like eating until after 10am. I think I could probably skip breakfast comfortably altogether if I had lunch at 12pm. I am annoyed that it's made such a difference.
Previously I kept my weight under control my running but shin splints put a stop to that. I can't run 2k without pain and difficulty walking for days afterwards. I have orthotics and physio but a year later it's not made much difference. It no longer hurts to walk, but I still can't run. The gym does bugger all for me and I am so, so frustrated. There's a long list of things I can't do at the gym for medical reasons. I had an eating disorder in my teens so close calorie counting just sets me off again and I feel ridiculous throwing up or starving myself as a grown woman with a job and bills and responsibilities.
I don't really know why I'm posting this. I suppose I need to get this off my conscience and I have no one to talk to in real life who wouldn't either be aghast or smug.