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My son will only ever be my first choice..but its hard to live without the love of my life

4 replies

Elmtree1Ems · 09/07/2010 17:12

Hi to all on the board, i'm pretty new to mumsnet, been lurking a little.

I have been feeling a little low regarding my relationship. I've been a single mum for over two years now and for the most part enjoy it, I don't regret my decision to leave the father of my son at all and things between us are pretty ok for the most part.

Over a year ago now I met a man on the internet and he quickly became someone I felt a lot for. The trouble is he lives abroad and right now cannot travel to England.

Details aside, it is unlikely he will be able to come here for at least two or three years, not least because we are neither of us are well off. There is a possibility he may never be able to emigrate here (I know thats vague, sorry). I have flown out to see him three times now, but that is not going to be an option again due to finances and also my son starting school in September. We both feel that in each other we have found the 'one' / soulmate, and seriously it is out of this world the way we are together. I honestly never ever realised relationships between two humans could exist like it does between us, i just know him and he me on levels I can't explain. (Gooey I know but I want to get across how much of an impact this man has made on me)

I could marry him and pack it all in and live with him and I know it would make me incredibly happy. I would love to truth be told. But I have my son who I cannot take abroad (his father would not allow it and I wouldnt feel right morally to seperate him from his dad) and who I would never leave behind.

I guess I am lucky to have met a man who I feel so much for, i've been around the block enough times to know how special what we share is, but it is a bit of a double edged sword because the two people I care about the most are in seperate countries.

Some days when its tough here I wish there was someone else here at home, someone closer, who could help me to provide, keep me company and all that, but I know in my heart I would be settling and I think in some ways that would be worse than being in this long distance thing. I don't want a medal for knowing my son comes first but I find it hard some days to think that I may have to give up with this relationship and sacrifice it in order to make sure I focus on my son. That if he can't come here, I can't go there and thats it pretty much.

I guess I just wanted a whinge lol. I love my son dearly but some days I feel like when he is grown and gone I will have given up so much and wonder what I will be left with. guess its the choice we make when we become parents right?

(p.s I in NO way blame or resent my son for any of this, I just feel sad for myself, if that makes sense?)

OP posts:
Sanesometimes1 · 09/07/2010 21:38

Just read your story - it really is sad - I;m sorry but I don't think I have any advice to give you - just wanted you to know that sometimes it's good to just talk - I hope someone who has perhaps had a similar experience to you can help x take care x

Elmtree1Ems · 10/07/2010 00:15

Hi sanesometimes1. I never planned on being in a long distance thing, couldnt see a way it could really work tbh, but now i've met him no-one else is going to measure up i'm afraid!

We just had a long chat on the phone and had a giggle and it was really nice, made me remember why we are doing this and what it means. I think its worth all the heartache just for the chance to be together permanatley. Just wish life would hurry up and get us there!

Thank you for your kind comment

OP posts:
noraa · 10/07/2010 07:33

why can't he come here?

Elmtree1Ems · 10/07/2010 09:36

Hi noraa.

Well I feel kind of bad for spreading his private stuff on here, which is why I was a bit vague. Basically there is an issue with him getting a passport. I doubt it will mean he will never ever be able to come here ever (although it is possible) but it does mean it could take years and a lot of money to sort out.

Whether we can survive seeing each other maybe once or twice a year for years and years is another matter. We have phone and online etc, but of course it is not the same.

I tend to try and think positively, that it can be sorted quicker and so on, but somedays (like yesterday lol) I get really down about it.

Grrr. Tell you what I am never EVER doing long distance again!

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