I can't win....dating sites

[uandme]

I have put myself on dating site, as you all prob know.

I have been open and honest about being separated and the fact that i have 3 kids.

One of the guys i was talking to on msn, said he didn't believe me that i have been married and that i have kids, cos i don't LOOK like it!!!!

I mean honestly, here i am trying to let them know from the word go and still i am accused of lying.

If i keep this from them then i will be accused of witholding info...

I mean 'What am i supposed to do?'

It feels like i will be stuck on my own forever, cos i have "baggage".

I think he was trying to compliment you...

It didnt sound like it....
Im pretty sure he meant i was lying.
Do u think i should give him another go?

I would take it as a big compliment . I left a colleague speechless recently when I told him how old I was (he thought I was 10 years younger!).

it was a compliment.

It wasnt u was it |Niceguy2???
lol

If he says it once, it's a compliment.

If he labours the point, he's a twat.

Nah, i'm retired from dating sites.

Sounds like a compliment to me, be proud of your achievements. I believe if you don't see yourself as having 'baggage' others are also less likely to see it that way too...now get out there and be proud!!

A compliment.

Also, I wouldn't describe my daughter as baggage. I increasingly find that if I see guys on dating sites in my age range (I'm 40) who have never married/been in a LTR nor have kids, they sound...well...kinda boring.

QoW - I know what you mean - ok - fine you're divorced no kids, never married with kids........but never married/no LTR and no kids

Agree it is a compliment, kids do have a habit of making parents look knackered and old! if he says it again then don't take it any further.

Captain...tell me abt it.

I have grey hairs coming through...and dark circles.
Which lets me down abit. I tend to hide behind dark glasses.
I have started talking to him again and see where it goes.
I have never dated in my life as mine was an arranged marriage. I am ok talking to them on msn, and then they ask for my no. And i just freeze up. Im usually very chatty.
I cant bring myself to talk to them in RL.
I just feel very scared...i'm not sure what of though.

Def a compliment.

Meet him, dont talk for ever and ever online because you will both build up an unrealistic view of what the other is like. Go on, get yourself down to Costa for a coffee with the chap..

Ok, not now because of course weekend first dates are not cool, tis premium time when youa re far too busy doing other more exciting and glamouous things. But book it now, meet him monday and dont talk again until then.

That is my advice.

This post is actually a perfect example of why talking online too much before meeting is a bad idea.. you can never tell the tone of typed words.

I've been talking to someone else for 2 days now, along with the other guy as a friend. Who has mentioned meeting up (obviously in a public place).

We chatted online for hrs and then txted aswell.

Spoke to him for the first time today. Then he said he had to go and will prob be in touch later.
Im not sure what he thinks of me....i am nervous, excited and i feel like i am in love. What a fool i am.:-s

Its strange how i didnt seem to freeze up at the thought of talking to him. I was a little bit nervous but that was it.
I felt like i was just chatting to a friend, getting to know them.

He offered info abt what kind of girls he has been with. They sounded like short term encounters and nothing serious.
He gave the reason cos he hadnt clicked with anyone.
Should i be worried?

Im trying to keep my feet on the ground, but cant stop grinning like a cheshire cat.
Im thinking abt what to wear IF we do meet up.
Do i dress up or dress down?
What abt physical contact?
Is it good to have any or none?
Lord knows how desperate i am right now for a mans touch....LOllll

I told my friend that im thinking abt meetin him but she said its too soon.

Thing is he lives an hrs drive away and is only off on tuesdays.
Now what with the summer hols coming up i could prob only meet with him whilst the kids r still at school.

I feel like a bloody teenager....lollll

Am super excited for you Uandme! But please dont pin all your hopes on this guy, just go along with an open mind and see what happens... this is another reason I dont advocate talking'for hours' online and texting before meeting as it puts too much pressure on the meet up.

If youve decided you like him so much before you have met you are likely to either gloss over anything you dont like about him so as not to disappoint yourself..or judge him too harshly because youve built him up to be better than he is.

Wear what you would wear to go and meet a girlfriend for coffee and get down to see him on Tues.

Why does your friend say its too soon?

(Ps I have researched the business of online dating quite extensively so I do know what im talking about!)

I was chating to him online today and he said he needed to tell me something....my heart just sank.
Apparently he came here a while ago and overstayed his welcome.

Is that the reason why he got in touch with me in the first place.

For my British passport, he says it isnt.
But i had my doubts in the beginning abt why would anyone want to be with a woman with 3 kids.
But i still tried to trust again after having my trust badly broken in the past by my ex.

Dont know what to think now...

Thats not good uanme to have a bad feeling from the beginning.

There are a certain breed of man called 'cocklodgers' (I think this is an MN term maybe made up by someone like solidgoldbrass) who prey on single mums who are vunerable and so keen to find a partner that they will put up with any old shite just to be 'loved' - these men must be avoided at all costs.

But there are heaps of guys who would be interested in someone with 3 kids! Why not?! Maybe he loves kids but cant have his own? There are hundreds of positives to being with a woman who is also a mum.

I am 100% a nicer person since I have had children, and my partner loves my DD as much as he loves me!

The problam is that you need to be secure enough at this point to know that you can spot the difference...??

I cant tell if you are looking for faults in him to protect yourself from getting involved... or if you have good intuition and this guy is no good..?

which do you think?

A couple of things here,

I am a dating site expert haha! I've met quite a few guys through them. I know the excitement of talking to someone you click with and how easy it is for your thoughts to run away without you. I have spoken to an awful lot of guys. they tend to fall into one of these catagories:

Nice but boring

Just out for sex

Good friends

Totally weird/old/boring/all of the above!

There is probably one in a million who doesn't fit any of these and that is the one you're looking for! I think I may have found mine, but we'll see. One thing I have learned is to not be too eager and try and push things. The guy I'm currently seeing, on a rather comfortable and laid back basis is also a single parent of 2 young girls whom he has full time. I think that helps because we understand each other and the pressures we both face.

On the whole, I think dating sites can be a lot of fun and a bit of a window to the world/taste of freedom for those of us stuck at home with kids every evening, but I would not get too carried away, there are more frogs than princes out there and there are definitely a few with ulterior motives. Trust your instincts, if alarm bells start ringing then listen to them, and talk on the phone before you meet. I have found more than once I get bored with people after 5 mins on the phone, so I figure there is no point meeting.

The best place to meet is a coffee shop on a morning/afternoon when you're free, as neither of you would generally expect that to last more than an hour so you can make a quick getaway if he's not what you expect, also safe and public, and if you do hit it off you can always arrange to meet again for a longer date.

uandme. Sorry but he's just after one thing. And its not your body. He's only after a visa.

Best to avoid.

Oh dear, do be careful. If you are going to start thinking you are 'in love' before you've even met a guy, you are unfortunately going to be a prime target for cocklodgers and worse - as you seem to have been with this visa-hunter. Remember that it's fine to be single, that when you meet someone on a date you are checking that person out and you owe him nothing - if he's hostile, or he smells, or he wants sex straight away and you don't, it's fine to get up and walk out.

SGB, I knew cocklodgers was you!