went on a date

[Dominique07]

Oh Gawd was I just wasting his time?

SOMEONE on here mentioned dating for parents so i gave it a go, got chatting to a guy, really friendly and he said he had 2 children from previous relationships.

He seemed interesting and easy to talk to and we've been chatting online.
There is an age gap between us but I thought, maybe not important. (he is 10 yrs older)

Met him tonight, he was lovely, perfect gentleman, but I felt really distant from him, I don't know how to explain but there was NO chemistry, it was almost like I felt scared of him. (And I am the one who usually thinks there is no way a man and a woman can just be friends)

I think we managed to talk and chat for 5 hours straight but I felt nothing, he reminded me of my uncle actually.

He paid for my taxi home and all of my drinks! I hate that he paid for me but he knows I don't have any money and would have rather had a cheap date so to speak.

He has text me "missing you already",
and about how much he likes me
and suggested a date for tomorrow.
I feel so awful, how can I let him down gently?

Also... When he went to the toilet he said; If you are going to do a runner can you text me so I don't make a fool of myself?

Help me! Help me! What do I say?

?

Was he serious when he said that!??!?! Or was it like said as a joke?

There are two options. Firstly to tell him the truth (ie. I don't fancy you). Or secondly lie.

I vote for the latter as I've always been useless at the truth when it comes to dumping women. I find crying usually makes me feel even worse than I already do so I lie!

As for paying for the tax etc. I wouldn't sweat it too much. Most men expect to pay for the first date anyway. It's like tradition and lets be honest, not very attractive if at the end of the night he whips out a calculator.

So in answer to your question, you could try:

a) Sorry but you are not my type. Have a nice life.

b) Sorry but you remind me of my uncle and whilst i think you are lovely, I can't help think its a bit...well...weird. Have a nice life.

The latter acomplishes what you want and doesn't leave you open to being talked to death about "Why????"

I think a serious comment which was disguised as a joke.
He made another joke about me drinking till he was good looking too, comments you don't make if the thought/fear is not already in your head.

Ok thanks so much for your response I didn't want to get it horribly wrong, b) it is. I'm not looking forward to this.

OK, so it sounds to me like he has self confidence issues which is not attractive.

I agree with you that these comments disguised as jokes are because those fears/insecurities are already there.

Lastly, don't fall into the "lets just be friends trap." It doesn't work and he'll just see it as a possible chance

aw he sounds like a genuine fella , even if a little insecure.

but if you say you weren't attracted to him he may have been getting those vibes would explain his comments. sounds like he was secure, or digging around for a comment or hint you found him attractive.

but.. you have to make sure you dont go on another date and allow him to pay for it as you feel unable to let him down.

being truthful and causing him a little sadness in dumping him now is far better than letting him pay for evenings out or get his hopes up and getting attached to you when you already know there is no chance of it going anywhere.

Ooh, awkward.

I think I'd probably just be busy, very busy for while, a long while!

Or I'd just ignore completely, I did this after a date with a guy I'd met online, not the nicest way of doing things but I find it impossible to tell someone I don't want to see them again/don't fancy them/think they're a twat etc.

oh niceguy - you've nailed it!!!

Similar to the OP I went out on a date on Saturday - we spent most of the day together and had a lovely time. Perfect gentleman, blah blah and while I wasn't unattracted to him I wasn't exactly smitten either.

I'd got the "losers" checklist (as frequently linked to by AF) in my mind, and even read through it again when I got home and it was nothing on there that was niggling me.

But you've got it - he was insecure, like the OP little "jokes" about disappearing off, or that he wasn't going to get a 2nd now now etc etc. Nothing sinister at all - but no chemsitry and the niggle and niceguy has just nailed it for me (thanks niceguy)

If it was the other way round, wouldn't you just want to know? Show him some respect and just send him a text saying thanks, lovely time, don't see things developing between us, good luck and take care. I know that's what I would prefer.