Hi Worldexwife
Gosh he sounds like my ex husband!! I was with mine for 15 years and split 2.5 years ago.
People say to me "dont communicate with him" but its easier said than done. I try no communication then he will say something or do something with the kids (such as keeping em up till 10.30pm on a school night when they're up at 6am the next day which makes em exhausted )knowing full well they will tell me & I have to react. It seems to be a form of control.
My ex too resents me having the house even though I paid off his large gambling debts & gave him a payout for the house. If I paint a room, he tells the kids I should be spending the money on them. He also resents paying maintanence too & never pays it on the correct day or the correct amount. He waits till I text him to ask where the money is. He also tells the kids that this money is to pay me for looking after them.
I have always tried to be amicable for the sake of the kids but his mum & him are very bitter negative people. The fact I moved on & now very happy with another partner means they cant control me anymore, this winds them up & infuriates them.
My girls too are completely aware of how nasty he can get. Their behaviour changes in the half an hour before he picks them up. Yet they think the world of him because he is their dad. They go visit him desperatly wanting him to change & then return disappointed cos he has again been nasty & negative about me.
I tried telling him numerous times the affect he is having on the kids but his reply was that "he is a perfect dad & it was me brainwashing them" I have now lost patience & tell them its up to them to tell him cos he isnt listening to me.
I decided to get proactive this week to get him out of my life.
I have sorted that the maintenance will be done via the CSA & to be taken directly from his wages.
I have told the kids that its up to them to ask to go to bed at their usual time. If they go to bed late then the day they return they will be going to bed at 7pm. This is working cos I just ask my youngest(age 7) what she watched on tv.
I have told the kids I will no longer fight their battles & whatever happens at their dads stays at their dads. If he is moody & shouts then they need to tell him they dont like it(Obviously I have said if its serious then they must tell me).
I have also given them the option not to go even though I need rest time due to being heavily pregnant & working full time.
No longer will he control me!! 2.5 years ago it was a hard decision to walk away from a 15 year relationship & be a lone parent. Now my life & the relationship with my kids is so positive. We giggle, we luagh & we get on really well. Yes its hard work & I am constantly on the go but I nolonger have a negative lier controlling my life who made me miserable.
I realy hope you get things sorted. I am gonna really try to stick with "threeblondboys" advice & stop any communication!! If he misses out on their lives its his loss"" Ignoring him will mean he loses any control & will no longer get a buzz from winding me up!!
Good luck :0)