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Im confused, dont know if I want to get back with ex, please help.....

9 replies

npg1 · 27/06/2010 19:41


Well split with ex in feb, things not been right for years, we have 2 gorgeous girls.

I am still living in the family home with him coming back every other weekend to see the kids. It's quite tough and he keeps trying it on with me.

I feel so confused at the mo, I feel like im doing the wrong thing, im splitting up the family when most other people I know are with their husbands and are happy. My mum did exactly the same, had me when she was young and then split with my dad and I just feel im doing exactly the same as her.

I have been so much more happier since we have split up, I have got a great social life and have met a man but I just dont know. I know this life wont last forever and I will eventually settle down with someone but I dont know if it will be any better than the life I had before.

Please give me some advice........

OP posts:
SandyBits · 27/06/2010 19:45

Why did you split?
If you are happier then you have done the right thing. Too many people think they should stay together for the sake of their children. It is far better to have 2 happy parents living apart than 2 miserable ones staying together in your name imo.

npg1 · 27/06/2010 20:13

Basically he is a control freak, workahoholic and never here for me and the kids which got worse.

But I just dong know if it will be any better with anyone else.

He keeps promising me these things, councelling, which I wanted in jan and he refused to go and now he is saying he will go.

OP posts:
SandyBits · 27/06/2010 20:18

YOur first sentence says it all. YOu don't need to get back with this man.
Your second sentence says more though. Why do you have so little faith that you will find someone else? Or, why do you assume you have to? I think both you and your dc deserve some time while you are on your own. 4 months is a very short time indeed and if you have already met a new man then no wonder you are confused.

npg1 · 27/06/2010 21:01

I know, I know!!!!!

I really dont think I want to be with my ex and I have been such a better mum since the split.

I met someone a month ago, Just abit of fun and company in my opinion but he is playing me abit i think so im abit upset. Im not really interested in meeting anyone at the mo, just want to be happy and be myself. I really cant see I would settle down with this guy but also part of me does feel guilty for seeing someone else.

OP posts:
NETTEYJC · 27/06/2010 21:22

Things wont change if you get back with him, he might say they will but they will soon get back into the same old pattern, he'll still be 'a control freak, workahoholic and never here for me and the kids'.

You are considering taking him back because he is like an old pair of comfy slippers ... but even those need to be thrown away evenually.

prism · 27/06/2010 22:51

Not suggesting you get back together but counselling is a good idea whether you stay together or not. My ex refused it when we split up ten years ago and we finally went together recently- well worth it.

SolidGoldBrass · 27/06/2010 23:01

DOn't take him back just so as not to be single. Being single is great. It's much, much better than being in any old rubbish relationship - and by the sound of it what your XP wants is not you because he 'loves' you - he wants his dinner cooked, his pants washed and his dick sucked and thinks a few bunches of flowers now will secure full domestic service for him again.

yellowishpurple · 28/06/2010 11:15

Run like the wind. Never look back. People don't change that much (and esp that quickly).

And I don't understand why he's only seeing the kids every other weekend. surely if he wants you all to be a happy family he'd make an effort to see them every day (assuming you haven't told him he can't).

And it might not be any better with anyone else, but fear of being alone is not a good enough reason to stay in a bad marriage and anyway, as SGB says, being single is great!

Niceguy2 · 28/06/2010 14:14

Sounds like you are not missing HIM but just a loving relationship.

You are probably fearing this new guy is playing you so yearn for the "security" of your ex.

It's probably a great fantasy but the reality is way different.

I'm with the others, avoid!

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