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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

why do you think they call this section 'lone' and not 'single' parents - it sounds so negative

26 replies

innerstrength · 26/06/2010 20:24

I've been a single parent for 17 days.

Was really pleased to find this section, but please tell me while they call it 'lone' parents; to me the word just is so negative and implies 'lonely' and sad, whereas the word 'single' sounds independent and empowering.

Please explain mumnsnet people, and does anyone want to join my campaign to change it ?

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

Monty100 · 26/06/2010 20:29

Inner I'm not sure, my understanding is however that single implies that a person became a parent while single iyswim, where lone parent implies the person became single after becoming a parent.

Might be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time.

It doesn't matter why a parent is 'lone' or 'single' really.

TheLifeOfRiley · 26/06/2010 20:32

I would prefer single too and have often thought the same.

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 20:32

I don't know. A lone parent is a wider term perhaps... It could be a widow or a widower or a divorcee or a tradition 'single mother'. That is the term that has negative baggage imo. I always describe myself as a single parent though.

thisisyesterday · 26/06/2010 20:33

i suppose also it might be that you could be in a relationship but not living together. so you are parenting on your own, but you aren't actually single

said · 26/06/2010 20:34

mn asked at the time they set up this section. And this was the decision.

Monty100 · 26/06/2010 20:36

I'm divorced and prefer 'lone', I have bf so I'm not single.

Think that's it summed up. Parenting alone but not single?? Iyswim.

Ahhhh, I've got it.

Lone means NOT JOINT PARENTING? but not necessarily single????

Monty100 · 26/06/2010 20:37

Inner - I'm very sorry, I just re-read your post and absorbed the 17 days.

Are you ok?

FabIsGettingFit · 26/06/2010 20:38

Completely off topic but what bugs me is that single mother = negative conotations whereas single dad sounds quite cool. The majority of single mums are only single because feckless men have fucked off.

toccatanfudge · 26/06/2010 20:44

so true Fab...........and one of those feckless men is about to get an earful from me.....

I need to know once and for all if he's going to start seeing his children regularly or not, because I can't keep stringing my boys along like I have beeen for the last 4 months with the "I'm sure he'll ring soon" "I'm sure you'll see him soon" bollox

Monty100 · 26/06/2010 20:51

Fab - that's very true!

Tocca - that's tough.

FabIsGettingFit · 26/06/2010 20:52

Tocca - how old are your children?

toccatanfudge · 26/06/2010 21:13

Fab - they're 9,6 and 3. And we live literally 1 minutes walk from his house, and he's not working.

I've just had it out with him on the phone - he's having them sat/sun during the day next weekend.

RESULT!

And I just ignored all the passive aggressive "that's why you want this" "it's not about this " bollox

chrysothei · 27/06/2010 16:39

I assumed it was because people associated the term 'single parent' with Daily Mail type 'single mother' judgemental comments so had opted for 'lone' to avoid those connotations. I also prefer to be called 'single'; think 'lone parent is a bit po-faced and trying too hard to be PC

ivykaty44 · 27/06/2010 16:42

resident parent - would be ok?

Original poster

innerstrength · 27/06/2010 20:27

Yes I'm ok thanks Monty. Still at the stage where I vere between sobbing and then actually feeling very empowered. I know it will get easier. This section has been very inspiring this week, although I'm afraid I still don't like the sad 'lone' title.

OP posts:

anothermum92 · 27/06/2010 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Meglet · 27/06/2010 21:21

I don't mind it. It sums up my position as I really am on my own, XP hasn't seen the dc's in a year now so I am painfully aware the buck stops with me.

ninah · 28/06/2010 20:54

i quite like it
a bit heroic, like Lone Ranger

Magalyxyz · 29/06/2010 15:06

lol I like that. You're right, it's not vitimy it's heroic. I'm going to say that. "I'm a lone ranger parent".

MissHitchens · 29/06/2010 18:04

I agree 'single' sounds a little more positive.

gillybean2 · 30/06/2010 09:58

I know several lone parents who aren't single. They either have a new partner, or are still officially married but separated.

Also I think lone parent can apply whether you are the resident parent, contact parent or have a shared care arrangement. So not sure resident parent as suggested above is appropriate.

I prefer being lone rather than single. Was not terriby impressed when at the hospital having been in an accident that my mother felt it necessary to tell the staff I was single. What business is it of theirs!? Same with parenting. It makes no difference that I am single as a parent, but it may be relevant to school etc that I parent alone.

cestlavielife · 30/06/2010 14:18

"The majority of single mums are only single because feckless men have fucked off. "

dont know if that true.....in my case i am single because i had to leave an abusive man...

sure is case for many...

some are widowed.

all sorts of reasons...

Harimo · 30/06/2010 14:21

it bugs me that there is a LONE parent section and a STEP parent section.

my DH is as active as it's possible to be, but we def. fall into the STEP parent section... We pay, we get told what to do.

I feel for LONE parents, single parents... but lots of single parents still have the emotional and financial support of another parent.

piratecat · 30/06/2010 14:25

iswym, lone does imply that lonely thing!

i guess it implies better tho, that the majority of us were with partners/dh's when child was born?

Fab you are right, single mums v single dads

scrounger/hero.

Harimo · 30/06/2010 14:41

It's sad, but lots of ex wives perpetuate that...

My Dh's ex is VERY well off, but claims EVERYTHING she can. My DH deserves a medal for even seeing thte kids - his ex has put every barrier in the way..

So, for me, I can see the whole Scrounger / hero. sad to say, but I can. She IS a scrounger and he IS a hero for putting up with it.

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