crying again

[shimmerysilverglitter]

Ex just been to pick kids up.

Two hours late, kids going up the wall because he had not arrived on time. Also I could have done something with them had I known real time he was arriving.

First - I rang him to find out where he was, his reply don't ring me in front of kids and give them negative impression of me.

Second - on arrival he tells them he was not late and Mummy go time wrong - I didn't

Third - I know he is late because he went out on the piss with money I lent him (i know, i know), he asked for more when he got here I said No and he said "Oh welching again are we? Fine I can do that too." Meaning that he is threatening to withold Child support. Then said well "it is the kids treat money, so they won't be having anything today"

Fourth - talking very passively aggressively to kids in front of me "not brushed teeth yet kids, yuk, lets get that done shall we", (kids just been eating so always wait twenty minutes till after they eat to brush) and "dd I know you are only little but do YOU know where your hat is?" because I hadn't put it out yet.

Fifth - brought up something I am ashamed of from my past again because I wouldn't lend him the money that he wanted.

So the kids and he gone out for lovely day, I am left sitting here feeling shite yet again.

I only wanted to write it down really because I struggle to deal with things in my head. Just read back over that it helped to see what an total c*nt!!!! he really is. If I didn't write it down I would be sending myself nuts.

Thanks if you managed to read it.

look,i sympathise having been through this myself,but really.....no communication!! its the only way with men like this

dont let him in your home
dont lend him money
dont engage in long conversation
dont enable this behaviour

is there a third party to do handovers?

He really does not sound very nice at all. And it'll be him behaving like that, not you ringing him, which will give your kids a negative impression of him. Poor you. Why don't you go out for a lovely day yourself?
Re the money, so he gives you child support and then expects you to basically give it back to him? Nice. I can see why he's your ex.
Don't let him get you down.

No there is no third party.

The money thing ends today, he already owes me some but I am prepared to just let that go now as long as I am not having to lend him any more so it is cheap at half the price to lose what has already been lent.

I didn't talk to him, I went to my bedroom and stayed there while he was here, I came out to help dd go to toilet and find her hat and he followed me around talking crap.

It helped just posting it really, just getting it out. The man is a grade A prick of the first order and no-one seems to get it except people on here who have been through the same kind of thing.

well i understand.....my ex used to turn up and make a scene

the only way is to be strong and set some ground rules. assume this isnt court ordered access?

dont have him in the house,seriously.....just do handovers at the door

Thanks.

No not court ordered. Trying to do it "amicably" Ha!

I think that the not lending him money thing will help to sort a lot of the issues out. I resent it and worry about getting it back etc etc.

I think that I just will not speak to him about anything except dc. Screw this trying to amicable crap. It is not working.

He's using it as a chance to be abusive. He needs to be on time too, if he isn't, then just go out so he gets the message

how often does he see them?

Every day , every single day.

I won't stop that though as dc need to see him, especially ds, he is autistic.

I generally manage pretty well. He comes here and I go out immediately, or I take the kids to meet him at the park for a couple of hours.

He is a fine example of the abuse cycle, even now though. We can go for weeks being polite and all of a sudden he will get an idea in his head of how unfair I have been to him, then the sarky comments, nasty little digs etc, this will go on until there is a big upset and then he is fine again for weeks. Doughnut.

I can usually deal ok with it. Not living with him anymore is blissful. I guess old habits die hard with him though but it doesn't affect me the way that it used to, each time it is easier.

Big hug. It does get easier and we do get stronger. Can only repeat what others have said:mine used to come late and so I started arriving back with dc late to meet him waiting on door step-it worked. Everyday is hard though and makes it hard to move on, can't he at least a few days a week pick them up from third party, nursery etc. Keep working on it and try to enjoy well-earned time alone, it is blissful without them!