Contact advice help please, long sorry

[roundthebend4]

Not going to namechange as it is a genuine ask for help advice
to give brief background me and exh split up several years ago together we have dd now 7 and ds almost 5.( I have ds1 and ds2 from previous realtionship)

For a few years he had regular contact with children taking them out and seeing them in my house all done without hassle of solictors .Ds1 used to go along to help with looking after ds3

He then made a few shall we say unwise choices realtionship with a 16 year old girl ( hes 38) which in a small town started causing serious problems to point he was beaten up and was shouted and spat at when he had the children with him.

I then made choice for a while that he could only see children in the house or out of small town we both lived in as reached point my daughter asking whats a paedo .

Things then escalted after realtionship finshed , stones thrown at my house etc i was yelled at as was children as seen as tage as everyone knew they was his children yet same people knew i was divoiced
he then got involved with a 19 yo whose family have a erm rather unsavoury reputation and between them and his circle of friends and the other trouble .

I ended up with dogcrap smeared over door through letter box , windows smashed etc police was called knew who was but could not proove they even admitted sadly that he had brought a low upon himsleF and sadly the children were just inoccent tagets in it

I asked him to leave town move little bit further away as children were settled had been there 12 years he only lived there 5 he refused .so in end i moved away with children giving up my council house etc .

He then refused to answer phone he changed it and moved house with no forwarding adress i never gave him my new adress for obvious reasons but he had my mobile and knew was on Fb.

sorry here it comes

6 months later children are now settled new home which i have furnished i left everything other than their clothes and childrens toys .He finally makes contact yelling about solictors seeing kids etc .

Told him fine you can see the kids every other Sunday all day or Saturday afternoon they have clubs they enjoy on a saturday . if day needs be changed due to comminments or anyonje being ill would dicuss and switch weekend around.

said he can see them more in school holidays couple times a week ,

my only rule and is one i live by to .is that there is no interducing the children to anyone unless that relationship has lasted 12 months or 6 months with discussion first.Lot harder for me as single parent to 4 of them

But when tried to call have his now g/f (19yo ) who is expecting screaming abuse why your talking to her you dont owe any explanation etc.
If he goes to solictor what are they likely to say

i am trying work something out but he is admant she is there when he comes see the children ,but considering her family was part of reason I moved away i just want to hold her at arms lenth to sure ,1 he is ready to comit to seeing dc regulary and 2 that their realtionship works out.

He cant take dc on own as ds has quite complex sn and by his own admission knows no sign language or anything about epilepsy and has never shown any intrest even when had regular contact i used to give him details of all the courses he could attend cheaply and not hard as is not working

and if made to end thank you and ongratulations

oh and for obvious reasons i wont allow him to know my new adress but have offered him my parents for anything he wants to post etc am happy and want to meet up on netrual ground he can do own thing with them and i would stay out of way but near enough if ds needs me or if he was to fit

sorry dont quite understand things, why are you not allwoing him to know your adress if you allow him contact to the kids? was it other people causing problems for you and your kids or him and his gf? How long has he been with his gf and is she pregnant? do you have reason to believe there would be a negative effect of your children spending time around his gf considering her family or her aswell?

i dont want him knowing my address as it was a mix of other people see the paedo bit and then a mix of his gf family and a mix of their friends . police was involed as damage dont to house in night etc including petrol poured on porch

they thought i was being unfair by asking eh to help with cost of school uniforms , never asked him to help with cost of ds3 sn equipment that dla did not cover

they have been together on and of for 7 month split 4 times she is 6 months pregnant.

Hand on heart it is paticulary her family i am worried about , between them they do have long record for violience.Was advised by the police unoffically really the best thing I could do would be to move away from it all

She is also not keen on me could hear her in background calling me money grabbing bitch and that wtf am i telling him that they need to mention to the midwife about ds3 problems , dont think she realise d i knew about preganacy
as the sorry hate using this word that the retard side is from my side not his .It was agenunie to xh as some of the stuff he might not known as only just come to light and it was agenuine thing on my side as i am aware if it is un dx has serious medical implications ans wish on noone let alone unborn baby .Mind not after that i am keen on her anywhere near ds 3

I am happy to reconsider 6 - 12 months down the line

he is more keen on access to dd than ds as at one point he stopped seeing him as he could not cope with ds sn

i have no idea about what solicitors would say. i was personally worried when my ex looked like he was going to get together with a complete psycho bitch who i wouldnt want my children around, so i can understand how you feel. the 6 - 12 months thing to me sounds like you are stalling this happening.

your ex sounds like a shit, i dont agree with older men and young teenage women - speaking from experience, i think there is alot of power and manipulation involved in that kind of relationship.but then i was with my then 42 yrold from when i was 18 for 8 years. i dont think the thing to worry about is whether they will not stay together and children getting attached to a temporary person but their wellbeing in the time they are around this person. and he sounds to be a typical crappy non commital man when it comes to your kids. but actually i think when it comes to the courts the question would be the safety and wellbeing of the chidren around this person. if it was me and imy ex was seeing that women i mentioned, i would have pushed for supervised contact only or in my home ect so i would know it was not around her. although i dont know the llaws take on this one.

i think a free half hour with a family solicitor would help with a bit of clarity here. mediation would be offered before court proceedings.

its his access he would be applying for,not hers. so stipulating he cant have a girlfriend introduced to dc will get you knowhere here. he can do as he likes if no welfare issues are present.

stuff with her family. do you have some proof....police records etc?

yes long list of case numbers .

but seem its all sorted have recevived very long message one from him that he feels atm it be better all round if does not see them due to personal reasons .and that it was dd he wanted to see as he felt he never bonded with ds but then he has never tried learning signing or pecs despite me giving him course information

and a longer one from her telling me to drop dead and to feck of and take the retard with me

threeblondeboys

i am more than happy to go to mediation to see if we can work something out but he does not want to was all talk of solictors and courts

there is welfar issues and 5 of her close family have police records and not hearsay i used live in same small town . infact next door to her older sister till she moved

but looks like all died back again and would be once i had started preparing dd to see him .Ds does not and could not understand

oh and the police thing was bad enough that they offered to fit panic buttons and was talking about safe rooms as council would move us safe room preferd option

hence why I walked away from it all just me the kids their clothes and there toys here I don't have to listern for noise outside can sleep with window open

He is not a danger as such it's family and their aquaintenaces he by own admission has made some bad friend choices ,why have been trying to sort out contact with him like adults .but as of tonight not going to bother anymore he wants to do offically at some point we can , but realistally know he won't bother fir another 6, 12 months couple of years

Just wait for a solicitors letter or proper communication then. You'd be best off with a full 'finding of facts' hearing if he wants contact. Too dangerous by the sounds of it!!

I totally agree with ThreeBlondeBoys. Get clarity and law on your side. A calm but clear solicitors letter should show that you are serious about your childrens health and welfare where he and his inapproprate girlfriend choices are concerned. If at the moment he says he doesnt want to see the children for personal reasons, well he can't turn them on and off like a tap and see them when he chooses. Maybe you need to decide whether and when (if) you want his somewhat irresponsible influence in their lives.

M going to see one when at home,personally rather he just slipped of the radar which once there baby is born he probably will ,but am trying to do the right thing as he is their dad ds not bothered anyway but trying think more for dd but even she is stopping talking about him

Have been very careful not yo run him down to her figure she will learn for herself soon enough