what is the point of my life?

[without]

This is a bit depressing - sorry.

I've been a lone parent for 10 years and my eldest is off to Uni in a few months and my youngest will be 16 very soon and pretty much independent...and I just wonder what the point of my life is now.

I work silly hours to pay the mortage but have very little spare income and not much spare time (work some evenings as well as days). Not had a BF for over 4 years and really don't have much of a social life; see a married mate for the cinema occasionally, and the rare drink with some people I know. I did join a gym but no-one there talks.

I hate feeling like this; feel so trapped - can't change jobs (not many around anyway) as I need to do the school/college run for the next three years from September. I haven't the money for a holiday and have no-one to go with anyway.

Just what is the point of it all? I'm not really depressed just fed up, and despite the weather, I'm just not happy with my life right now.

yeah,i'm guessing empty nest syndrome will hit me hard one day too!

i suppose the old 'take up a hobby' thing could be a start? any local MNers perhaps?

Hi without, well done for bringing up to dcs on your own for 10 years, its a hard job but very rewarding.

have you tried meeting up with mn members in your area, I am on the lone parents dating thread and was there from its infancy. Now, even though I have a dp I still dip in regularly to catch up with the others and we have met up once but another needs to be planned soon!

MN in general is a life line and it has been my saviour many a time just to talk and rant, which is sometimes all we need!

Where so you live?

yes, where do you live?

would love to meet if its do-able.

if not, am sure others will

nobody is ever near me!!!

milton keynes/bedford area???

I am worried about this too as this will happen to me soon.

Just one comment though, at 16 your child is capable of getting themselves to College/school. Don't tie yourself down to this and look for another job.

There are holidays for single people, but I wouldn't have the courage to go alone. So I'm not even going to suggest it !

I may consider doing voluntary work, although in a busy schedule it won't be easy.

Even when your children are grown up and independent you still need to be there for them.
I have been a lone parent for just over a year and am having trouble with my teenager,and today my seven year old said "I like daddy best, you are no fun mummy", then said to youngest child "mummy has no friends because she is no fun", I just wish my Mum was there to talk to, so most importantly you are still needed as a Mum, but I also agree that Mumsnetters are a good bunch and if you disclose where you are Iam sure a few like minded friends will turn up in real life. In the meantime I think we all benefit from the chat on here.

Thanks for this folks, esp the offers of meeting up. I'm Southampton way (Hampshire).

yes i dont get much time "off" and tied to work etc...complicated with son's needs...have joined local book club which gets me a once a month evening chatting about a book with some lovely ladies.. i see it as a start...

Could you explain a bit more why you have to be around to help out with college/school runs when your children are 16 and 18? It might be possible that some change could be made here and be one less thing for you to do.

Also do your children have part time jobs to help pay their way. Now they are getting older, perhaps they could contribute more and you would have a few more ££ for you. I'm sure you deserve it.

HOpefully now the children are getting older you might have a bit more time and energy to fit in a new hobby?

Regarding going on holiday on your own (if you can save up some money), do you think you could? On a special package? I reckon I could. Could be lovely. You could probably mix as little or as much as you liked with the others. You could choose a special interest one like painting, yoga, pottery etc.

Anyway, I wish you well.

I met loads of people through spanish lessons. Two of the girls became really good friends. You don't need to focus on the singles thing, just do something you feel comfortable doing! Don't forget a new soul mate could be just around the corner.

@Red Leaves - there isn't a regular bus to where they go to school and I couldn't afford to live any closer. I chose to keep them at the schools depsite the divorce, felt it was fairer on them.
We've tried jobs and there just aren't any. My youngest isn't 16 yet and no one will take him on until he's left school, and my eldest is off to Uni and no one local will hire him just for the summer - mind you, he's not done much looking!

Sadly not got the money - single mum so constantly broke and couldn't afford anything more than a cheap break somewhere. I have been on holiday alone; I managed fine and will do it again as I have little choice but it is nicer if you go with someone.

My life just seems an endless round of pointlessness, and it's horrid not to be wanted. Funny how the thing I crave most (to be loved) is the thing I can't achieve.

Hugs to you
I know a virtual hug can't be compared to a proper one, but I hope it helps.

The weather doesn't help, because you see lots of families and friends together all enjoying the sun. It is a reminder of what we haven't got.

I am using this time inbetween the kids leaving home and them being more independent, but not quite there yet to start thinking about me. I have always worked to suit the kids, but the job is awful, it is depressing. so I am studying as I can start to fit my needs in around the kids.

But studying is also isolating though. Could it be an option for you?

How about night school in September, (expensive though). The prospectus has come out for my College.

Perhaps volunteering? Although you have enough demands on your time.

Sorry I can't help any more, but I am aware of the endless brick walls you have to climb

Thanks AmazingW - I could look at an evening course in September but it is expensive and time is also an issue for me. But it's helpful to know I'm not alone in this.

Good luck with your studies... I am now on anti-depressants so am hopeful that in a few weeks I may feel better

In work my married colleague, with 4 kids, had a lucky weekend. His wife went away for the weekend with her friends, and he palmed all the kids off separately.

I think he has them gone for 2 nights!!

But I think it reminded me off how difficult it is if you are a lone parent. You do your very best for the kids, in a way devoting your life to your kids as you have no choice as you are either working, or feeding them/cleaning etc. Obviously the rewards are unbelievable, to have kids who are happy and confident, and to do that in very, very difficult circumstances is a real achievement.

The cost though is that by devoting your life, there is a time when you need to need to start rebuilding your life from scratch.

My colleague and his wife are able to have separate lives, as they have each others support. Its hard to have a separate life with no support.

Just another thought, how about trying to meeting other mums through the internet? Just the occasional coffee is all the time you have now,

"I haven't the money for a holiday and have no-one to go with anyway."

Could you go on a holiday as a volunteer with a charity? I think the National Trust does holidays like this - you can build walls or something. You would meet new people and be outside all day in the fresh air, and do something purposeful within a bigger organisation.

hi without

first thing - well done at bringing up the kids on your own !! is quite an achievement, and one off to uni! you must be well excited, scared, disorganised - i was all those when my eldest went, tho easier with the second.

and well done at sticking it out in work to keep the house going!! not the easiest thing but sure is worth it in the long term. is sixteen years since my ex cleared off and we're still here!

is a couple of years since last proper gf and know all about how pointless/boring it can seem at times. but its not - is just a lull, we all get them. dont want to sound like an agony aunt (i'm a bloke btw) - but when last gf and i split up i was left with empty weekends and so took up racing (cars) and it was brilliant! loads of fun with ds that i couldnt have done otherwise - and looking back i wouldnt have missed it.

the thing is - being so busy, feeeling trapped, going nowhere - its just not true. you've survived, you've made it, done well with the kids. and they'll see that as they get older and itll give them the strength to do what they want and succeed.

so there you go, be patient (advice i never take) and if youve time to study/volunteer then do stuff that interests, that way you meet plenty of like minded people and who knows