son loves his daddy

[Dominique07]

Hi

It is really hard to arrange picking up DS from ex as DS cannot bear to say goodbye to Daddy.

It would be easier if we could arrange to always do a change-over when DS is asleep but this would be really impractical.

It is at the point where I walk away with DS (age 3 yrs this week) in the buggy and he has a hysterical fit, escapes the straps of his buggy usually losing his shoes in the process, and runs down the road back to Daddy. If his Dad brings him home it is still the same struggle to close the door and say Goodbye.

He does no such thing when leaving me, just says "bye mummy". If I ask him why he wants to stay with Daddy he usually says "lollipops"!!!!!

I'm almost tempted to blame it on DS not spending enough time with his Daddy but he usually sees him 2 - 3 times a week and this could be including an overnight stay. I almost think even if he only saw me once a week he'd still be happier saying goodbye to me than his dad.

How should I deal with this changeover time?

third party?
meet in the park so he's distracted?
nursery/pre school?

It must be heartbreaking to see your son get so hysterical. It's lovely though that he loves his daddy so much. Maybe you and your ex can talk to your son about what he feels when he leaves daddy, if he is worried he won't see him again? Good luck.

it could be lollipops you know. my ds gets spoilt at his nanny's and loves going. all he does tehre is play computer games and eat sweets. children are easily won.

And discuss the lollipops.

Awwwww I almost filled up when you described how he esacpes from his buggy crying! I'm sure that is very upsetting for you to see.

You find that part time parents over
compensate, you are the one that he spends more time with so you aren't the 'fun' one, you are probably the one that is making sure that he eats healthy, goes to bed on time, behaves himself, lays down rules etc .... part time parents often think that they have to win their children over to make up for not being there all week, you've said he's giving him lollipops, what other sweets is he 'bribing' him with ( I'm sure it wont seem like bribing to your ex and he is probably innocently giving them out willy nilly), are his rules far more relaxed than yours?, lets face it, he wont be too bothered letting his son get away with murder as he doesn't have to put up with it for the whole week. I'm sure that your ex isn't doing anything intentionally but I would make sure that you are following the same patterns and routines, ie, bed time, when treats are appropriate etc ( lollipops are a treat and shouldn't be giving out all of the time), when your son sees that his Dads house isn't all fun and games and that there are rules there too then i'm sure he will be equally as willing to go back to your house.

I agree with Netteyjc,I think a lot of mummy's are the ones doing the bringing up, which doesn't always include a lot of fun things.
My seven year old said today "I like daddy best, you are no fun mummy", I could have cried, I have been trying my best and daddy makes a ten minute phone call once a week and hasn't even made an effort to see the dc for nearly six months.
Is your ds ok once he is back in your home?

Yes he usually calms down once he has got the 'goodbyes' out of the way and I can get him settled doing some colouring or playing with play do or similar.

I'd be asking about the lollipops as well, if you are able to have that kind of conversation with your ex.

If it doesn't last too long, please don't let it upset you - it's no reflection on you. You are always there for him and he knows that - perhaps (speculating) he fears every time he leaves his daddy that he won't see him again? (assuming that Daddy is the one who left the home)