Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

where are my young children sleeping?

13 replies

martine2 · 21/06/2010 20:04

Where are my young children (4 and 6 year olds) sleeping when at my ex partners' girlfriends house? He refuses to tell me the addresss. They are staying there more reguarly (every other weekend) but will not tell me her address. She has 4 boys of her own under the age of 8. Four boys slept in the same bed last weekend. IABU in wanting to know her address?? We have an inpending court case.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 21/06/2010 20:06

no yanbu and i would refuse to let them go unless I knew where they were

what if anything happend? what if you needed to get in touch with them/him? ffs

Unlikelyamazonian · 21/06/2010 20:15

Of course you are not being unreasonable. You should know where they are. You are almost being negligent in allowing them to go. Fgs do not let this continue.

NETTEYJC · 22/06/2010 17:21

I wouldn't let them go unless you knew the address. I would also want to know all about this woman, does she live with anyone else? have any lodgers etc? how long have they been together? What is she like with your children? When your children stay over how can she cope with 6 children under the age of 8? What does she give them to eat? What are the sleeping arrangements? I think all of these questions need to be addressed, I certainly wouldn't stand for it and wouldn't wait for the courtcase to sort it out, if he doesn't give you answers then don't let him take the children. Could you imagine if anything happenend and the police or social services asked you where you children were and you had to admit that you didn't know?!

Original poster
martine2 · 22/06/2010 18:07

Thank you so much this advice that is desperately needed. i need to know that i am doing the right thing as i am dealing with a bully boy who is stamping his feet and instigating court proceedings. i am not comfortable not knowing where the boys are sleeping. i have contacted my health visitor today and taking further advice. Does anyone know my legal position here? anyone been in the same position and its gone to court?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 22/06/2010 19:32

i can't imagine that any court woulkd think that this is ok tbh, but I have no experience in these things

If I were you I would be talking to a solicitor who specialises in family law ASAP. most will offer a free half hour to start with...

GypsyMoth · 22/06/2010 19:41

um....i have read befire on child contact forums that depending on circs,courts do allow contact to go ahead without an address provided.

not that i agree with that.

however,why is he taking you to court? and also,is there an existing order?

Tanga · 22/06/2010 19:49

Well, the glib answer would be ... with one of their parents.

Do you have a phone number?

GypsyMoth · 22/06/2010 19:52

also,does he live there full time? and does he have his own address if not?

are cafcass involved?

NETTEYJC · 22/06/2010 20:12

Doesn't really matter that the children are with one of their parents or not, martine knows that her house plus her ex's is a safe environment for their children, she knows nothing about this womans house, yes the woman has four kids of her own but that doesn't mean that her house is suitable for martines children, obviously there is not adequate space to accomodate 6 kids otherwise there wouldn't have been 4 sleeping in one bed.

GypsyMoth · 22/06/2010 20:21

at the moment the info is sketchy...but the other parents time with his dc is his. he can do what he likes,where,within reason. and courts wont interfere with that unless there are welfare issues.

if there is a court order,then the op would be in breach of it if she denied contact. and as an aside,op has no rights to know anything about this girlfriend. cafcass can investigate if she has welfare issues.

op has no rights to investigate where he takes them duing his time. that includes his family,his friends homes,holiday locations,hotels or even a new home,should he move....just as he has no rights to impose like this on the mother of his dc.

this is what i've learned from being in the court system for over 2 years myself. courts dont have the time and resources to send individuals out to check on housing standards. cafcass is there though,for welfare issues

Original poster
martine2 · 22/06/2010 20:29

I am so grateful for all your advice!firstly my ex is not registered at living with his girlfriend but he is spending a lot of his time there. i do not have a telephone number. the court proceedings that he has instigated relate to holiday contact he wants 1 week at xmas, 1 week at easter, and 1/2 weeks at summer but he doesnt think i need to know where and who he is going with. also according to him, i dont need to know where he is living with his girlfriend. she has 4 boys under the age of 8. i am very concerned that with 6 boys under the age of 8 that my two cannot be adequately cared for. advice gratefully recieved. i have informed HV.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/06/2010 20:35

Well I would assume they are each responsible for their own dc?
6 dc between 2 adults isn't unrealistic. Neither is all boys
why is he having to go to court for this? Is the fortnightly contact by order?

foureleven · 22/06/2010 20:44

Are there things that are worrying you about how the bys are being cared for? do they come home overly tired, hungry, dirty, cold?

If they do then this is an issue for welfare. But if they dont then I would suggest as horrid as it is, they are fine and you dont need to know where they are. I take it you have mobile phone number for dad?

2BBs talks sense and has the facts as I know them.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread