I must admit I am one to overthink things, hence I am still up at 1230 with this going through my mind, knowing that DD will be up around 5am (so I should really get to bed).
anyway, as the title suggests, I slept with my ex. It was last week and I am confused. We have a 3 year old, split up nearly 3 years ago, got divorced 2 years ago. In the last 6 or 7 months we have got on much better, i.e. from hating each other to tolerating each other to managing to do some things together, ie take DD swimming etc.
This is the only time anything like this has happened. It was not premeditated.
I have been dating a bit over past year, but nothing that has lasted more than a couple of months (i have only slept with one other person in 3 years since we split, and just my husband for the 4 yrs prior to that!). Dating has been quite unsuccessful and demoralising tbh.
I dont particularly like my ex, in fact a lot of the time I think he is an idiot. I definitely dont love him. There is obviously attraction there - I can't really blame what happened last week on the wine as I knew what I was doing (I'd had a couple of drinks, he was sober).
We agreed to speak today (the first opportunity). He'd sent a text earlier saying he didnt want this to change things between us, "unless it was for the better" so I was expecting to have to answer "lets try" questions (particularly as it was my decision to end things when we broke up, based on his behaviour).
Im 95% sure that I dont want him back (100% before last week). However, I now feel the initial guilt I did when I decided to leave my husband, i.e. my decision to leave ex means I am choosing that my DD will come from a broken family, that she will not have any siblings close in age etc.
I have this thought/guilt that if there is any chance of reconcilliation, however remote, then I owe it to my DD to at least try and work. Does that make sense? So the fact that we slept together is an almost glimmer of hope that I could tolerate him, and I could make things better for my DD...
I have not told anyone about this. The break up was really tough (It was days after i had given birth) and my family and friends pulled me though- I honestly think some would disown me if they knew!
Anyway, he started our chat this eve by saying he felt absolutely nothing after we had sex! It did kind of throw me. And tbh upset me (which surprised me). Back to the old "I want him to want me" I guess, but pretty stupid game with ex husband.
That is a very long post! Sorry. I guess I'd be interested in the guilt and "if there is any chance, I should give it a shot, as we have a kid together".
Has anyone else done this??
Thank you thank you !