holiday contact with ex

[martine2]

hi i'm new to this but looking forward to hearing advice about reasonable holiday contact. My expartner wants to take our 4 and 6 year olds away on holiday for a week this summer, 1 week at xmas and 1 week at easter next year. He already has them for 2 nights every other weekend and insisting on litigation unless i agree. i have already spent £1500 on solicitors fees which i cant afford. i have reluctantly agreed 1 week in summer hols and see how it goes. He is very determined to get what he wants. Anyone else been in this boat? am i being unreasonable?

3 separate weeks of holidays sounds perfectly reasonable.

Thanks for that but my reluctance to allow all this holiday is that 1)the boys haven't spent more than 3 days away from me and 2)i have concerns about the level of care my expartner has with the boys, eglack of any routine whatsoever so they come back high as kites etc

I can understand your concern, but he is their parent as well as unless there are specific issues then i am pretty sure that he would get at least that sort of amount of time in court (standard seems to be half of holidays).

Well now is the chance to allow them more than 3 days with him
and lack of routine doesnt matter - they will soon learn that what happens at dad's house is different to what happens at mum's house - neither of which are wrong just different

Be glad that they love their dad and he loves them - he wants to spend time with them

If he took this to Court he would get what he is asking for.

Your arguments wouldnt wash with a Court

his level of care is good enough for the weekends (you've been to court so you had a chance to raise concerns previously)so it should be good enough for a few more days too!

they are 4 and 6....old enough to be in the care of their dad and away from you....and the court would certainly award this,should it get this far

and anyway,isnt 'lack of routine' what holidays are all about?

Martine, unless there's something really wrong with their father, you DCs will love spending time with him, you can't fight this, don't waste money on solicitors..
Bonne chance

Dear all thanks for your messages i suppose that i am going to have to change my mindset and you are right that i should be grateful that their dad does love them i will have to carve out new interests when they are away! Although i didnt hear what i wanted to hear i know that i wont be wasting anymore money on solicitors fees.

yes just let it happen op, see how it turns out. It is good that he want's to invest time and energy on them. I know it should be a 'given' but it's more than often not the case.

He needs to be given that opportuity to 'deal' with them just like you have to on a dat to day basis, and it may just make him realise how it is for us.

They will really benefit from learning someone elses rules too, it will make them appreciate both of you.

thanks for that i just dont think he has any rules/routines which is why i worry about them when they are with him but this is something that i have to deal with both while they are away and when they come back!but i feel heartened that there are mums out there giving me such good advice.

Thing is, if he's going to have them for a week at a time then he will have to develop some rules and routines.

Young children often come back bouncing off the walls from seeing the other parent. It's just One Of Those Things as they mentally shift gears from one house and parent to the other. Keep consistent and it'll pass.