Briefly... H left me end of last year. Rightly or wrongly I am still indulging his confusion and dithering about whether or not he wants to make a go of it - he's in therapy.. I'm due to give birth in 2 weeks so it's all a bit of a mess.
Anyway Its DD's 3rd birthday in 2 weeks and we are getting her a joint present. I just called him to say I think she is a bit young for what we had originally decided on (was my idea anyway) and wondered if he had any other ideas. He did - (an old fashioned rocking horse) but I didn't agree. It will take up too much space, cost a fortune and I think we could get her a few nice things that she will get more use out of - plus she goes to play groups all the time with things like that in. Those comments were greeted with "what you are saying doesn't make any sense".He is quite strong minded and a bit controlling and only sees things from his point of view.
Anyway so I said all this and I got the impression he thought I was automatically saying no just because it was his idea and that I think I get to have more of a say because she lives with me. I ended saying 'errr its up to you - get her one if you want to' (just to make him feel as if I wasn't discounting his opinion )- but then I got really annoyed with myself after the call because I don't want it in the house - it's too big and it's me that will be stuck with it day in day out not him!
This isn't about whether or not he gets a rocking horse as if we were still together I would have said that I disagreed in exactly the same way and had he come up with a good idea I would have welcomed it.. so why do I end up feeling guilty ? And what do others do ? Is it best to keep things separate ? If we had 100% split then I guess that's the way we would do it.. Any ideas ?