Now your a LP have social invitations stopped rolling in?

[mummytowillow]

I'm so p---ed off! I've been a LP for a year now, I don't go anywhere or do anything, the weekends are especially difficult for me, I feel so alone, I have my daughter nearly 3 but there is only so much 3 year old conversation you can have!!

The last time I went out was for a meal for a friends birthday, we were all talking and they started talking about a big night out for another friends birthday to Liverpool which I knew nothing about, posh meal and then trendy pubby/clubby place, its all couples apparently so I wasn't invited?

Found out today, my two best friends and some other girls have gone to see the Mamma Mia show in Liverpool and didn't ask me, I could have got a babysitter and I'm gutted.

Why do the invites stop when you become a LP or single, someone make me feel better please?

I am not sure I can make you feel better, but I agree...

When I first become a lone parent I rather naively thought that the way to deal with the terrible loneliness I was experiencing was to make an effort to build my circle of friends... But of course it doesn't work that way. As a lone mother you are seen as not belongin anywhere - you are not a "fun" single girl/woman, and you are also not part of a couple.

Sorry, I should say something to cheer you up, but I am feeling down about it tonight.

I don't agree with that at all. I don't feel that as a lone parent I don't belong anywhere, what an odd thing to say. I would imagine they are worried about asking you to things as you have to factor in the cost of a babysitter. I know that after several times of me saying that I couldn't get a babysitter certain friends stopped telling me every time they were going out and tbh I am fine with it- it saves both sides some embarassment. Why don't you take the lead? I have a great regular babysitter now and let my friends know the nights I am available, and we can plan around that. Please don't feel that you being a single parent is making others leave you out on purpose. I'm sure they just feel awkward about approaching you to make arrangements, so make the first move and let it be known that you are available

mummytowillow I often have wine nights at my house and invite a few girl friends round, they know that it's easier to come to mine than me get a sitter. I do it every other week at least, nothing special just wine and crisps and gossip, that should keep you in touch with what's going on.

Then drop into conversation that you've got a great sitter, and that you would love to come out soon.

Worth a try, it's what keeps my social life going. I would go insane if I didn't cos I work from home as well so the adult conversation is limited.

I rarely get invited anywhere either, the usual excuse is 'Oh we didn't think you would be able to get a babysitter' if I have ever mentioned it. Though in order to go my sister has to get her DH or a babysitter so why my ds can't go there is beyond me. I have one very good friend who will babysit, or get her DH to do it, but she's as broke as me so we don't often get to go anywhere together.

When my youngest sister (no children) moaned I didn't invite her to the easter egg hunt I held for my ds and nephews (after my other sister had told me she was busy so not to worry about asking her) I very very nearly told her where to go as she never invites me to anything.

I was most severly hacked off to find out the some friends had invited another couple friends and even paid for their babysitter so they could come. But I wasn't invited as was only for couples. Needless to say for that (and other reasons) decided wasn't worth being friends with them any more.

People are generally selfish I find and think that as you're on your own you must be used to it by now. My sister still tells everyone how much of a life saver it was for her that I would come and see her a couple of times a week (an hour's drive when I had a small baby myself) when she was a new mum and her DH was away from home training at his new job for weeks at a time. Yet 11 years on (and now only 20 mins away) she never considers that I am alone and lonely or could use a break. I no longer take her kids out to give her a break as she has never done it for me.

It's true what they say that you find out who your true friends are when you actually need them most.
So you need to say something, and if that doesn't work then you just have to ignore them all and get on with your life and find other people who do care about you like you care about them. You'll be much happier that way!

I've 'lost' a whole circle of 'friends'. Dropped like a hot potato, but then they're all drinkers and childless and regulars at my x's workplace (bar-steward). So no real surprises but still hurtful initially.

I think childless people or couples just don't get why it's difficult for us to make certain nights/events and then don't bother inviting us after a couple of 'can'tmakeits'.

It's strange how people don't make an effort to keep you involved when you need them all the more. But they are leading different lives and perhaps it's time then to make some other friends with more in common. And nicer ones who have a bit more generosity of spirit!!

I have close friends who are married and we go out with the girls, but I am never ever invited to family stuff, bbqs at the weekend or dinner parties. It's amazing really, as I have really 'clicked' with some people with whom I'm great friends with during the week, but no way would they ever include me in their adult coupley stuff at the weekend. BUT I've made a couple of single friends recently who I hope to see more of. They don't live that close to me unfortunately.

It's kind of a depressing eye-opener isn't it!? that in 2010 a single person can't be included in the weekend stuff, when the husbands are around. I don't think anybody seriously thinks I would rob their husband lol, but I don't walk around thinking about being single all the time. I don't feel like a square peg in a round hole, but I wonder if that's how couples see me?! I am the same as everybody else.

ps, I have a single friend who is a man, and recently when we met up with two of my friends (one married and one dating) the married friend of mine kept saying to my male friend that she had such and such a friend she wanted to try and fix him up with! in three years she has never ever attempted to fix me up with anybody. NOT sure i'd want that. I don't think my friend sounded too thrilled at the prospect either tbh, but he'd only been single for ten minutes. I had been single for 3 years!!

Its a depressing thought to think that as a newly single person I may loose some of my friends (who are currently my lifeline).

I find weekends really hard as it can get lonely and I feel awkward asking to meet friends in case I get in the way of their family time. Sounds like I might be right!!

Awww wmp, you don't know, it might not happen.

However... for me it sure did. Prior to seperating from (abusive) ex-h, I had daytime weekday friends with kids (they didn't do anything socially - seems quite common where I live - evenings or weekends so I accepted that I only saw them mon-fri 9-5. Also had best friends/kids godparents which we then saw on weekends occassionally etc.

And now?

The only two best friends/godparents I have left as friends lives 100s of miles away, are very busy, I don't drive, and while they are lovely when I see them that's about it.

The 9-5 friends started seeing all of each other on the weekends/evenings and being very social - as couples. When I suggested we all went camping (as a ploy to be involved!) we all went (I was the only one not in a couple) - and they've all been twice since and not even INVITED me! When I queried this (slightly hurt) they said because they assumed I couldn't get there??? Managed it the first time!!

I now go to Uni - where I also don't fit in as everyone is either mature, married and grown up kids , or young single and no kids.

Fantastic social life here, then.