I posted about this last week and was told I was probably being pranoid, but it is still bothering me - bothering me more this week if I am honest.
XP used to take drugs when he was younger, before he was with me, he told me it was years before he met me, but he lied about other things so not 100% sure on this. Anyway he still occasionally saw the friends he had at this time but every time he did he would end up blowing up and ranting (usually at me, after they were gone) about how stupid it was, how pathetic their friends were etc. On one occasion we went to stay with some of these friends when DS was 2 weeks old, and XP's friends had their friends over, they were smoking drugs in the garden etc and were very open about their drug use while we were there. I was not happy about this drug use so close to my baby but felt that as it wasn't my house (and it was "only" cannabis) I couldn't say anything. We left after a day or so, although we had planned to stay longer, and XP ranted for ages about how rude they were, we didn't want to meet their friends, etc etc.
Another incident that happened when we were together was when XP's friend came over, he uses drugs but as he never used them around us I didn't feel it was a problem. Anyway on this night he was on something (which I only realised much much later) and he ended up almost having a fight with XP, XP went completely mental and his eyes went all weird and blank and he was shouting that everyone thought drugs were cool, including me () I was about to phone the police when our neighbour knocked on the door, broke the tension and he went back to normal, but said he wouldn't have this friend in the house again. I agreed with this but about a year later he did invite him back, without incident (although I wasn't happy about it).
Anyway he is now with this new girlfriend, ever since he has been with her, he has messed me around with maintenence payments and picking DS up/dropping him back late or early or cancelling things at the last minute, using excuses which have turned out to be false. A mutual friend who I trust has said he "doesn't like the influence" she is having on XP and that XP is "living in cloud cuckoo land" and that he is not focusing at work etc. Which I guess could be stress since I left him 6 months ago, he's had a car accident, and his new girlfriend is pregnant.
For the last couple of weeks I've smelt cigarette smoke on DS' clothing and hair when he has come back - now I don't have a problem with this as such, I don't like it, but it's not against the law, so if he wants to smoke around DS he has the right to do that and I just have to suck it up, I know that. I will admit to having the occasional cigarette myself, although I try not to do it around DS if I can help it. It's not the smoking around DS that bothers me as much as the fact that XP was also really anti smoking when he was with me, not as much as he was anti-drugs, but still, he has gone back to one old habit.
Last week XP cancelled on having DS saying "I'm not myself", which I thought was odd. This week I enquired about whether he had got a text message I sent him and he said his phone was smashed, which again is odd - it was an iPhone and he was so protective over it. When he picked him up yesterday and dropped him back there was a dodgy-looking bloke in the car who I didn't recognise - now please don't shoot me down for this. I am not meaning dodgy looking in a snobby kind of way, he just had a "look" in his eyes/about him which reminded me of other people I have known who have been heavy drug users. I can't explain it more than that. Anyway I had a nose on XP's facebook (I know, I know) and found this guy's profile, and half of his pictures include a load of "stoner" slogan pictures, and one of his sword collection. But the other thing which concerned me was that he seemed to be friends with a lot of the old crowd XP used to hang around with when he was into drugs before, and he's added a few people I don't know who are involved with these people.
I know this could all be innocent and I feel a bit like I am putting 2 and 2 together and making 5, but it's just this gut feeling I have which won't go away. I just want to know that DS is safe. And I really hate the idea that these friends of XP know where I live. I didn't give XP my address when I first moved away and he has slowly been moving further and further up the street where he drops DS off until he was right opposite my house and saw me coming out of the door. Now he comes and knocks on the door which I hate. I preferred it when he texted me and I could go and do the handovers at the car.
I should also mention that XP's girlfriend has a DD from a previous relationship who she has only recently regained custody of. I don't know why she didn't have custody before. I mentioned it to my HV in reference to DS' safety being there and she said that if she is back with her now, it's reasonable to assume social services (or whoever) considers that there is no risk.