To tell ex or not....??

[macdoodle]

Some advice please wise LP's!

I have a nasty, unpredictable exH, he was a horrible abusive bully when together and still is He can't bear that I have moved on and am now happy without him, or that I have a DP (who we only see a week every month or so, as he works and lives away)!

We do have a contact agreement, which he cancels last minute if he cant be bothered/somthing better to do/someone else to "help". He sees seeing his children as a chore or a favour to me, despite the fact they adore him He has also now started to work ago, and just goes last minute, so I have to change my childcare and make plans last minute, never get a break etc! He never tells me how long he will be gone for or when to expect him back, but then expects he can pop in and out as he pleases to see the girls!

Oh and he pays NO child support at all, and left me with a massive amount of debt

Anyway.......summer hols are a bit of a nightmare, my CM is away for almost 3 weeks of it They are 7 weeks this summer for some reason!!
I have a fairly demanding job, work 3 and a half days a week, I have taken as much leave as I can, but still have 4ish weeks to sort out!

So we are going up to Scotland with DP for a week to vist his family He will be here for a week to help. My mum is coming for a weel, my sister is having DD1 at hers for a week, then coming here with her baby for a week! Lovely wonderful supportive family and DP

So??? Do I tell XH that I have had to make plans for the summer, and if he is here,he will have to see the DC around my plans (liable to explode and rant and rave), or just not tell him and with any luck he'll be away for most of it ??

I wouldn't tell him for this summer.

But I do think you should not let him pop in outside the terms of the contact agreement - if he can't see them then - tough!

And go to the csa for support.

And do not respond to his texts/nasty emails if he sends them and call the police if he turns up threatening you. And hang up the phone the moment he starts to 'explode'.

You need to strap on a pair and not let him intimidate you now.

Keep all nasty texts/emails if he sends them and record your calls - report to police for harassment.

I wouldn't tell him anything and if he rings to say he wants to see the kids he will have to fit in with you.

Agree with Fab, just tell him as you go along, ie if he says he'll pop over on a particular day tell him 'oh we're away that week, won't be back til Sunday' and so on.

And get child support

Thanks
I am so much better at dealing with him now !! I dont take shit much as it sounds I do, though I wont antagonise him, its not worth it for me or the girls!
I do ignore any abuse and have called the police to the house and would do so again

For me as a normal person , the normal right thing to do, would be to discuss the hols with him, and explain my plans and plan time for him with the girls, but I know any attempt at reasonable with him ends badly!

But ok I think I wont mention it unless he asks, but he wont in case I might ask him to "help" as he puts it, he never actually wants to spend any extra time with his frankly amazing daughters

The child support is a whole other thread He works mostly cash in hand so am sure I wont see anything anyway, at the moment I cannot antagonise him, we are trying to sell joint property and change mortgage into my name, I need him to sign things and behave for a few more months!! Then I will put a CSA claim in but have no expectations of anything

I would just carry on doing what you normally do.
If you change your 'normal' way of doing things then he will know something is up and kick off so to speak.

Carry on making your own plans ans if and when he rings and says I want to seethem on ... then you will have to say um not here on that day but we are the next Don't get into a fight you know that.

dont tell him.

whats point? even if you do arrange the hols with him.. he will only let you down.

arrange it on the being he will be absent as usual. if he so happens to want access. tell him x,y and z the kids are available.