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Disciplining teenagers as a lone parent

11 replies

bluebell26 · 02/06/2010 17:29

Been on my own with two children for 8 years and untill a year ago felt was doing really well. Now eldest is 14 and youngest is 10,finding real challenge.I have to work a lot to support us and both children hate helping me with any jobs at all.Dread the hols as juggling children,work and all.I feel like I do all the giving and they both just take. My ex gives no support at all and will not back up my discipline.Any advice from anyone as to children to help more and to feel less isolated during the teenage years?Bluebell26.

OP posts:
FeelingOld · 02/06/2010 23:33

Hi bluebell

Sorry no advice but am in similar position to you, dd is 15 and ds is 10 and i am having same issues. I work fulltime and just find myself doing everything. Every so often i blow my top and get really upset and explain how the kids dont help etc and for a few days things change but find that things soon go back to normal.
Sorry i cant help but just wanted you to know you are not alone/

kittycat68 · 02/06/2010 23:44

same position my self affarid which i think seems to be normal oushing boundries . one thing i treid was after once blowing my top with with 15 12 10 year olds was "thats it im going on strike" and i did! lasted two weeks i refused to do thier cooking washing ironing etc and if they i charged them taxi rates for lifts in car ( not school though!) well i sat down each evening in my tidy bedroom and just listened to them arguing! as there were no clean plates etc and who was going to wash up etc it was actually quite funny as only oldest could cook and only plain pasta at that! they lived on toast mainly they soon improved and now if they get to bad with tiding etc i tell them i will go on stike again! ( stomaches soon tske over their brains) and they get on with it. best of luck you are going to need it with teenagers1

Meglet · 02/06/2010 23:46

I'm dreading this stage in 10 years time .

Will have to remember to threaten to go on strike!

Niceguy2 · 03/06/2010 08:57

Oh god I am with you. I have one teenager and my youngest is 9. Neither will lift a finger unless I tell them to. They will then only do the minimum.

Sometimes you'd think I was asking them to chew their own arm off rather than tidy up. Obviously asking me for lifts/money etc. I'm expected to pony up cos "you are dad. Thats your job".

DD used to be immaculately clean. Her room was annoyingly tidy. Since she became a teenager, its slipped.

Discipline wise for the eldest I find a complete ban on the TV, Internet & mobile phone soon brings her back into line. Interestingly she also becomes more sociable then reverts again when she gets access to the gadgets again.

AMAZINWOMAN · 03/06/2010 12:20

I also have teens, and struggle with this issue too. I believe they should help around the house as they need to learn the skills when they leave home, but it is so hard getting them to help.

At the moment, they only get pocket money if they do jobs at home. A little job each day.
One night to do the dishes, own ironing, and tidy up their own mess in the living room.
But it's really hard getting them to do and they get money for helping!!

I am starting to look forward to the day they leave home!

GypsyMoth · 03/06/2010 12:26

i'm on my own with 5 dc,2 eldest are teens too.

for discipline,i find the usual grounding and stopping of pocket money works here!

they all have chores to do. daily usual stuff,picking up after themselves etc. if they do this properly,and some extra chores on a saturday,then they get their pocket money

they push the boundaries too far,then it gets cut a little. do it again,it gets stopped for that week.

my 11 yr old always washes kitcen floor,can sort the bins,fold laundry etc. think he enjoys it

the 16 and 14 yr olds can do pretty much anythng,. clean bathroom,ironing,wash car etc. they get no money unless its done to standard either!

i'm strict,but its paying off....

sincitylover · 03/06/2010 14:17

Struggling with my 13 year old atm.

He seems to have become more needy and clingy. Is this a usual phase does anyone know?

He is also in trouble at school for low level disruption and immature behaviour.

Year 8 - again I am not sure how usual this is.

He totally wears me out. He is also is quite the same with his db (nearly 9) who is often quite content to read/do something on his own but ds1 almost seeks him out IYKWIM.

My exh is fairly useless with him and tends to blame it all on me ie they are with him today and I can guarantee I will get an earbashing tonight from him

sincitylover · 03/06/2010 14:54

FWIW some of his peers from two parent families also have the same thing so not sure whether it's age related or particular to single parent.

Just that as a single parent might find it harder to discipline or enforce that discipline.

People like to go on about needing a man's presence/touch but not so sure about that.

Seems to me that fathers and sons can rut like stags (metophorically speaking). Same goes for stepfathers and sons so I've been told.

Niceguy2 · 03/06/2010 16:21

I do think that in general its a teen thing. I have friends who are happily married and having much tougher times with their teens than I am with mine.

The only difference is that often LP's don't have someone to lean on or back them up.

Blef1974 · 08/06/2010 14:25

I can relate. My 12 year old is awful to live with. She actually said to me last week "I'm not bothered. You won't go through with anything anyway!" when I tried to discipline her.

I think I am going to have to make some major changes.

Blef1974 · 08/06/2010 14:25

I can relate. My 12 year old is awful to live with. She actually said to me last week "I'm not bothered. You won't go through with anything anyway!" when I tried to discipline her.

I think I am going to have to make some major changes.

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