Found out ex's DP is pregnant

[mistressmiggins]

Havent posted for a while...used to be lone parent after exH had affair & I finally kicked him out. Ex still with her but as its been 5 years and ex wasnt brilliant dad when with me, I thought they must have decided my 2 DCs were enough.

I found out on the phone to my DS(8) yesterday when he casually dropped it into the conversation. The DCS are on their annual week's holiday with their dad.

I feel overcome with sadness.

I am with someone - been living together nearly 2 yrs and in fact getting married in August. He cant understand why Im so upset.

I think it's because I would have loved to have another baby especially with DP but he has a DD(13) and I have 2 DCs (8 and 6) so we have a ready made family. We cant afford or fit another child into our family and I understand this makes sense.

I also feel that ex is giving my DD something she really wants - a baby and I am going to have to grit teeth and say how lovely it all is.

Perhaps its also cos I worry that it will change how my 2 are treated when they go and stay. Its bound to change things isnt it.

rant over - didnt know where else to rant

I do sort of understand your upset - and think your DP should be able to "get it" as well, in relation to your DC:

1. their Dad is giving them (or your DD) something you can't, a baby
2. it could affect his relationship with your DD and DS
3. you are probably a bit envious that she is getting to have a baby and you can't because you can't afford it/haven't the space (I know I'm paraphrasing what you've written - that's to demonstrate how easy it is to get it!)

It doesn't take much to understand, does it?

I think its mainly the baby thing.
DP's brother had a 3rd child recently and I was very upset when found out they were pregnant.

Aww, it seems like you really want another baby - is there no chance at all for you and your new DP to have one together? Sometimes there are more important things than money (although no doubt I'll get flamed by someone for being irresponsible now)

DP's brother said it wasnt an issue as my DSD didnt need a room as doesnt live with us.

I dont agree which is why we dont have a spare room.

4 kids would mean bigger car and either bigger house or sharing and seeing the ages of the children, I dont see thats possible.

I am happy with 3 and we are finally a fantastic family. The 3 children all get along great and we have fun when DSD stays. TIt also means that we have the odd weekend to ourselves which is important as a couple. If we had another baby we wouldnt have that. I can understand why DP doesnt want to give that up. We are both 40 too so I guess he doesnt want to go through the baby stage again.

I guess you don't have too long to decide otherwise then. I don't know - I see your points re the practicality... and yet you're still upset.

What would be saddest is if you change your mind in a couple of years time, and then find it is too late and you can't have a baby then.

You might need to weigh it up a bit more before you make any irrevocable decisions (Obviously with your fiancé).

I think its just a weird thought that a child who will look like my 2 DCs will be running around and I wont see him/her.

It's just a shock after 5 years but maybe they've been trying and its taken that long or it might have been an accident.

I know I wont have another one and I guess that it just brings it home when others get pregnant.

I don't know what your exH and his DP are like but I'm pregnant with my DH's child and I can tell you absolutely hand on heart that my DSS, his DS, will not be treated any differently whatsoever when our baby comes along.
My DSS has his own room in our house and always will have so I understand your thoughts on that too. I love my DSS unconditionally and I couldn't imagine anything coming along to change that.

Maybe not possible for you but you mention it feeling wierd that there will be a child that you will never see. Is that definitely never going to be possible? My DH gets on well with his ex and although her and I don't have any contact, if she wanted to start a friendship of sorts with me and meet our baby, I'd be more than happy to do that. I'd welcome it, being as we're part of the same family essentially.
In your situation it may be, that as she started out as the other woman, she wouldn't impose this on you and making the first move would be up to you but obviously that's a tricky one and might not be something you'd want to do considering the history.

EMS23 I just wanted to say your attitude is fantastic. As a newly single parent of a 3yo DS it warms my heart to hear women talk of their step-children in such a positive loving way, and to be willing to put the past aside for their kids.

I hope that when EXDP finds someone new they will be as lovely as you towards my DS.

Having had a truly 'wicked' stepmother myself, I forget that there are people like you!!

Thanks wheresmypaddle - being a stepmum is scary but so rewarding and I hope for you too that if your ex and you meet new partners they'll love your children as much as you do.
x

its not possible for me....unfortunately just had a run in with ex Dp - I rang to see when the children are coming home tomorrow as he hadnt replied to my text and she answered his phone

according to her, I am jealous of the new baby, they will be cutting my money and I am nothing to do with exH anymore.

not a lot you can say to that except that my ex leaves my children in her care when she clearly has no respect for me....its 5 years since we split and he left me to live with her so I really dont understand her attitude

Even though I would pity any poor women who foolishly agreed to have a baby with my awful x, I 'get' you because I would feel a bit like I'd lost control at the wheel if my children were going to get a HALF-sibling. That is big to them. Or potentially big to them. And it'd be nothing to do with me. So I can imagine feeling a bit strange if I ever heard that news.

oh mistressmiggins - that's not nice at all. I wonder why she's so mean.
Either he's telling her rubbish about you or she's massively threatened by you.

I'm sorry to hear it's a fraught situation and hope it gets better for all of you.
x