Am I being unreasonable?

[ineedtochat]

h and I seperated a year ago and he moved away. He has seen the 3 children four times since he left. twice when he travelled to come here and twice when I took them to stay near him.
Am I being unreasonable to think he is the one who chose to move so far away (although it was my decision to split)so he could make a bit more effort to come and see them. ?
Sorry if this sounds whingy, I haven't anyone in real life to ask.

YANBU if he was a good caring Dad in the first place - if he was a selfish arse then and that's partly why you chose to split from him then YABU to expect him to suddenly change his ways!

How old are your DC?

He has made efforts to see his children twice in a year?

You are not unreasonable at all.

Just cant imagine how any decent parent could be so utterly useless. Poor kids.

Does he give any reason for his lack of interest? Not that there can be any excuse, but I just wonder how he justifies it...

Why has he moved so far away? If he has a good reason ie job, family I could understand it. I know it makes things difficult. To see your kids only 4 times in a year is not good. Sadly a lot of dads don't make the effort to see their children. Hope you get this sorted as I think all kids need to see their Dad (unless a junkie/alky etc) I do think though the non resident parent needs to make the best effort they can. It not the kids fault when adults split and whatever happened between you he needs to show them they are still important to him.

Thats just it, I feel so sorry for the children, they are 3,6 and 15.
He wasn't exactly an enthusiastic dad when we were together,but he protested about loving his children when I decided it was time to seperate.
He chose to move a long way away to get support for himself from his family. He then got a job, and that is his excuse, limited holiday time, (some of which he says he wants to use doing things he wants to do).
I feel exhausted at the moment, but don't seem to be able to get myself to bed early,silly things like this are winding me up, thank goodness for mumsnet as somewhere to let off steam. Thank you for your replies.

So he is a selfish arse then.
Well, YANBU to be upset on behalf of your DC - it can't be nice for them to realise they matter so little to their Dad (as opposed to the things he WANTS to do )

Oh, this isn't silly at all - this is him being an arse and upsetting your children.

How far away is far away? Too far to come for a weekend? If not, then he is an utter knobend - Friday night travel, see the DC all day Saturday, does what he likes Sat eve, sees the DC Sunday morning, travels back Sunday afternoon. Not hard, really, is it?

It is a long way, 12 hour drive, so I wouldn't expect every weekend, even every month,but he had time off at easter and I know if it was me I would drive overnight to see them even for a few hours.
I'm waiting to see what he offers in the way of maintenance as well at the moment, got a feeling I might be using some of your names for him when I found out thumbwitch.

If you've been on your own for more than a year then maintenance should have been sorted ages ago! Set him a deadline for coming up with a figure (including for the last year!)and if he doesn't meet it then get the CSA involved. He can't opt out of supporting his children.

blimey, I am wondering what sort of man moves 12 hours away from his children voluntarily just to get support from his family. for your DC - in more ways than one. Hope you get the maintenance sorted soon, needtochat. I can offer lots more names, should you need them!

Tanga, it was all a bit sudden and traumatic, Iam now going through a solicitor to get finances sorted so hopefully it might get sorted soon, Iam only just feeling strong enough to face it.
Thumbwitch, thank you, I feel I might be shouting for you in the near future, as for tonight I am on my second glass of red wine and am thinking of a few more of my own. I will probably regret this second glass when it comes to finishing my jobs before it gets dark, but for now it feels good.