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Need some advice..... please help me

9 replies

poopeeplops · 21/05/2010 21:03

background....i had a stressful pregnancy wiv the ex and he wasnt ready so i agreed to go it alone but he cudnt let go nd hassled me thruout and he never supported me and turned up to anything , towards the end he got aggressive and said very nasty things which caused me to move away as i feared him after that. He then tried to threaten me and then tried the nice approach, i tried the whole pregnancy to involve him despite spending the best part of every single day trying to understand what i had done that made me deserve this treatment. I had a alot of issues and they wer down to stress and now baby is here he says he wants to meet baby so after 3mths of thinkin none stop i AGAIN made the effort to get him to see him and he denied going to a contact centre as he didnt want anyone knowing his business. I then drove 200miles to him and he was an hour late to meet us and didnt really utilise the time.

Ive come away feeling good in some respect but have a whole load of other feelings now that wer do i go from here, ive spent so long holding onto those feelings of the pregnancy and now i feel i have some closure but am now left feeling really lost and am no nearer to knowing what the future holds, i really need someone to help me make sense of this, Im so confused now and am right back to feeling like i did before trying to work out my situation!! Any help will do

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glasgowmandy · 22/05/2010 13:34

you want my honest advice? from what you have said this guy dosnt seem to give a rats ass either way, you are amazing for doing this yourself, and my god you did NOT deserve any of that treatment, this stupid piece of shit vdosnt deserve you or this little tot, if it was me i wouldnt contact him or make an effort.. i know every child deserves to know their father but unless he makes a good solid effort HIMSELF to bond with this child, and support both you and the baby i wouldnt give him the time of day.. ive seen it happen to a friend of mine, useless ex who cared more for himself then her or her baby, and she put up with it for a number of years. he too was aggresive and a nasty peice of work when he wanted to be, and 6 years later she has cut contact

her little boy was constantly left broken hearted at his father not turning up or forgetting birthdays or special occasions, and the arguments between him and my friend in front pf her little boy has left him a very hurt little boy, he just wanted to spend time with his daddy, and instead he was left wondering why his daddy didnt come to see him or make an effort with him. she had enough and cut him out, she now has a lovely boyfriend who dotes on her little boy and hes such a happy little thing

he aint worth it, off course whatever you decide to do is entirely your decision but in respect to your sanity and your little tot, i wouldnt make the effort with him,

you'll end up meeting someone really great who repsects you and your little one, and gives you the respect that you definatley deserve, keep your chin up, and maybe try adn move on with your lives, im sure he will!!
sorry i cant be more help xxx

monika11 · 22/05/2010 19:27

agree with glasgowmandy.
please dont upset yourself and your baby.
you worth a lot more than that man.
please dont ruin your lives with that man anymore.

poopeeplops · 23/05/2010 03:45

Thank you very much xxx

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glasgowmandy · 23/05/2010 11:30

let us know how you get on with things, hope your ok xxx

LorFaulk · 24/05/2010 15:42

When I divorced my ex back in Oct 2002, I agreed to a consent order which stated that monthly payments should be made for the benefit of our 2 daughters until the age of 18 or when they finished full time education. I have recently asked if I can have an increase because 8 years on, I am finding it difficult to manage. He has refused. I contacted the CSA and they have advised that because the consent order was issued before March 2003 they cannot get involved. Have I been extremely stupid in agreeing to this back in 2002, is there nothing I can do?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

poopeeplops · 28/05/2010 18:26

i dnt kno much on this to be honest, id rather skint myself to giv my son everything he wants than ask his dad, i dont want to owe him anything and my son gets all he needs and more. I would only say please dont beat urself up over this u could not of known the future, we cud of all done with a portion of hindsight. Go to your local Citizens advice bureau and dig out all details on the subject, what i was told and what i have found out about things are two very differnt things. there are always loop holes in these situations - trust me!!

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poopeeplops · 28/05/2010 18:57

To glasgowmandy

i have been better last few dayz, been gettin on with life and made some plans, its hard and i even think maybe i have put what i feel away in that little box we all have and locked it away until we are brave enough to face it but i definately feel better and dont find myself thinking of what will be everyday. thanx for ur advice and support xx

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SolidGoldBrass · 28/05/2010 21:58

I remembered your (very memorable) username and your previous threads.
Look, don't put yourself out in the slightest for this worthless druggy arsehole. If he wants to see his DS let him make the effort. Keep a diary of everything he says and does, particularly if he's abusive, and remember that you have every right to refuse him contact with your baby if he is using drugs - there is NO WAY he can insist on access when he is on drugs ie you can insist on drug tests etc before he sees the baby. So if he is the sort that starts ranting that he will take legal action for access (but is still taking drugs) remember that the court won't force you to leave your child with someone who is drugged.

poopeeplops · 29/05/2010 11:37

thank u for remembering me!! things have got better, havent heard from him and that kinda proves even more hes happy to hear about his ds wen i tell him but he wont go out the way to find out, this website and all u guys have helped somuch, mucho appreciated!!! xx

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