cant ever imagine not being on my own

[andthatsit]

For lots of reasons i can ever being imagine ever being not single now.
i cant see how im ever going to meet anyone as i never go out.
im always skint
i have so much committment and responsibility that just having the time to see someone would be hard.
and the effort it would take

i cant imagine falling in love.
i cant imagine my house with a man in it. I cant imagine my life with a man in it.

dont get me wrong. i think i would like to be in a relationship i just cant ever see it happening.

anyone else ever feel like that?

yup

Had a 'friend' telling me I should find someone. Apparently there are decent men out there if I would only go looking. I told her I've tried internet dating and that hadn't worked, in fact man I met that way had completely destroyed any faith I have that there are any decent men out there. She laughed and said what do you expect from internet dating and I should get out and meet someone 'real'.

I explained (yet again) that I have no money to go out anywhere let alone for a babysitter. She said she'd babysit, to which I pointed out it had taken 3 weeks to arrange a date to see her to bring over easter eggs for her dss and she was usually out herself, especially on the weekends and I wouldn't send ds over on a school night as he'd be up half the night...

I also pointed out that if she was babysitting who was I supposed to go out with, did she expect me to go trawling bars and clubs!? She said no of course not.

She said I should find a club to join, something I enjoy. I pointed out that I had been looking at that (I live in a very rural area), and the nearest line dancing club was over an hour away, nearest scrabble club over an hour in other direction, both on school/work nights and finishing at 9pm.

And as I'm struggling to find money to pay for my petrol to work with the prices so high right now I have had to cut out all other travel and have zero income that isn't going on essential bills right now.

So I really don't see what else I'm meant to do. Plus I'm so exhausted I wouldn't manage to stay awake or be at all interesting I shouldn't imagine. I have no money to buy anything other than bare essential of clothes, so have nothing nice to wear out (was very embarrased at a recent work training thing where we were told we could wear casual clothes and I had to come in my usual one work skirt as nothing else but tracksuit trousers to wear). I would feel guilty as hell spending money on an evening out when there are so many other things I could easily spend the money on!

I know it probably sounds like excuses to those who haven't had to live on the breadline. But splashing out on a nice outfit or an evening out will take me months to pay for.
So no I don't see myself ever being anything but single, even if I could bring myself to consider trusting another man ever again.

Guess it's just you and me then!

me makes 4

make that 5.

It's the logistics of meeting someone that is impossible. XP doesn't see the kids so I am with them all weekend, I work in the week and the few mornings / afternoons I do get to myself are spent catching up on home admin, housework & dashing to the gym. I certainly don't get evenings / nights to myself, let alone the chance to glam myself up, go out for drinks and have fun.

Make me five and a half........ As I have a boyfriend, but we don't and won't ever, live together!

He's 40 miles away too so don't see him a great deal! I love having my home and dc all to myself!

Another here!!

... and me too. A DS (ASD and ADHD who is being VERY trying this evening) takes up all my time.

Me here too. No date since ds was born nearly 6 years ago, not even a sniff of one. Surrounded by marrieds who could never imagine dating, so no help there.

I struggle with the logistics too - no one readily available to babysit and even if there was I'm not sure I'd want them to know I was out on a date. How do you actually get together with someone anyway? I wouldn't be able to go to their place and they wouldn't be able to come to mine (would only want ds to meet someone I was serious about and that isn't going to happen quickly).

I would rather put it this way: I love not being wh exh. I like being single without him. I like the fact that I am no longer a crazy nut job because he drove me mad*

But I wish it hadn't destroyed every last ounce of desire to be with any other male at all. Or have sex or have any other possible other-dad for my son.

He nicked all those things as well as our money.

So I am in the 'Glad he aint here anymore' camp rather than the 'Could never have a man again' camp.

It was his disappearing and destroying any last bit of faith I may have had in any man, that has made me glad to be surviving alone.

iykwim ?

Count me in too - am on the point of giving up looking as finding the whole process soul-destroying.

Am actually not unhappy at being single - and certainly prefer it to being with twunt of an ex - and the whole internet dating/speed dating thing just doesn't cut it for me as I find I get really quite insulted by the standard of men (or excuses for men) who approach me ....

To be honest I can imagine NOT being on my own - but as I said, it's in my imagination - not to be confused in any way with being a remote possibility!

another one here too!

whenever I read the Friday night sex threads I feel a little bit jealous to start with, then I start to think that it all sounds like a lot of effort and I'd be too tired anyway

Add me to that aswell. Cant see any chance of meeting anybody. Seperated from H last feb and started seeing somebody novemberish. Got stupid and fell pregnant and he did a runner cos he couldnt deal with twins. So i now have a dd(5) and pregnant with twins and totally on my own. Hardly a great catch before but now there is no chance

Hi Starshaker - and sorry OP for a bit of a thread hijack!

just thought I'd let you know that while twins are hard work especially if you're a single mum, it can be done! I've been on my own with mine since they were six months old and they're now nearly six. Never mind a man just try and sort yourself out as much help and support as possible and you'll be fine ... Good luck with the pregnancy - when are you due? If you need any support/advice/shoulder to cry/want to throw virtual things, pop over to the multiples thread.

I pop into the multiple thread every now and again but think im doing the ostrich approach lol. My problem is i dont have r/l support really so it will just be me, dd and the twins. Im due in aug

Is there a college near you that does a nursery nurse course? They're often keen to place trainees with parents/mums of multiples as it's good experience ... or try homestart in your area. Even if you can get someone to keep an eye on the babies/amuse your eldest while you grab a shower/eat something can be a huge help.

luckily dd starts school this year so at least she will be occupied for most of the day and i wont feel like im neglecting her. The college wont help out, ive already asked. I have homestart help at the moment and she is a total star. Ive invested in 2 of the graco sweetpeace swings so hopefully they will love it and will mean the flat wont turn into too much of a bomb site and we will all be fed and have clean clothes lol

sorry andthatsit i seem to have killed your thread

Slightly different for me, I cant imagine myself ever living with another man, been married twice, both had affairs and buggered off with the OW so have lost my home twice and had to start over again twice and as a consequence am too wary to live with anyone.

I have been seeing a lovely, caring, funny, generous, honest, reliable and loving man for 19 months now, he treats me like a lady, he spoils me and we have such lovely times together just the 2 of us and with our kids but I know I can never commit to living with him. He lives 30 miles away so we only get to see each other at weekends or when one of us has a day off work and we both look forward to the time we spend together.

But suppose this means am always gonna live on my own (well me and the kids)

Unlikelyamazonian I could have written your post! Esp the bit about destroying any last bit of faith in any man. Hoping the faith will return at some point. I think FeelingOld's situation sounds ideal. How did you meet him FO? Maybe the faith has to come back then Mr Fantastic will knock my door

Glad - I like the situation I am in too although my man is hoping that one day i will change my mind about living with him, but he says he will never put pressure on me as totally understands why i feel i will never live with him. He is however considering in the future moving to my town so that we can see abit more of other.
And I met him on a night out with some girl friends of mine (all married!!) and he was out with a group of his friends, we got chatting and i thought when the evening was over that i would never see him againa and felt a little disappointed but he had given his phone number to my best friend and asked her to give it to me the next day and to text him with mine if i was interested in seeing him again and that was it.

Yes me too.
On my own for 2 year and now starting to think for the first time that I would like to start seeing people but cannot imagine how.
Trying to get ex to pin down dates and times is a nightmare and he likes to control me by changing arrangements and I can't plan anything.
He was horribly abusive and manipulative and I don't trust myself not to get into the same situation again.
I don't really believe that anyone will truely like me enough and hate my post csx2 tummy!

Also like my independence as never really had it before (controlling parents followed by controlling husband) and like my own space.

Would like to have sex though - but don't think I could have a no strings thing and how would I meet someone and find the time to see them!

Hire a baby sitter and get down that pub -alone if you have to. You don't need super galm clothes or lots of cash. i drink soda water. Iyt will give you a confidence boost just to go out once in a while. Do it for yourself if nothing else. I'm a single mum so I know how hard it is but once in a while won't hurt.