Where do I stand legally?

[mumofGG]

I have never posted before but have lurked many times and now I hope you can help me!

My exh has a brother who is a drug addict who lives with his parents. When we were together we decided that my pils home was therefore not somewhere we wanted our dc to be (ds1 is 2.10 and ds2 is 1.1).
My exh now tells me his brother has moved out and wants to take kids there.
For many reasons I do not believe him and have asked for some kind of proof before I will reconsider. He has promised "paperwork" for last few months but produced nothing.
Last night he emailed to say his brother wont cooperate as he feels it is none of my business where he lives (adding to my belief he is still at my pil house).
My exh is now threatening legal action if I do not allow dc to visit their grandparents home.

Can he do this? and would any court make me send my dc to the home of a drug addict??

Any advice welcomed xxx

depends i think...

presumably your dc would be inc are of your exH/grand parents ? not in the care of the BIL?

so fact of BIL lving there should not matter so much - unelss they being left in his care?

Does your exh live there too now, or is it just to visit?
If it's just to visit why can't the gp's visit them at his home instead?

If your exh was concerned for the safety of your dc before then I'm sure he wouldn't put them at any risk now either.

But he can't force his brother to give him the info. He is entitled to his privacy and may not want to produce a document/bill showing his new address for you. Can you not simply write up a letter which confirms he doesn't live there any more and ask his parents to sign it to put your mind at rest?

If you trust your exH enough to look after the kids then you need to trust he will look after them everywhere. His parents house included.

It really is as simple as that.

Do you have specific worries or is this just a general fear?

You'd be a fool to let something like this go to court and what you are demanding is a little unreasonable.

Can you imagine if your ex insisted you can take your kids to x but not y. Surely he should trust you to look after the kids everywhere?

It is just to visit but would involve overnight visits. They do see the gp's at my exh's house.

I know exh is under a lot of pressure from mil to take kids to their house. She never understood why we didnt want them there in first place.

Niceguy2 i do not see how it is unreasonable to not want your kids in a house with a smack addict????

I do not want it to go to court, what I need to know is if he can take it to court?

Gillybean2, thanks for idea of letter but I wouldnt believe anything they said or signed!

Well if you don't trust them or him enough to accept their word, written or otherwise, for it then you can't trust him to take care of your dc fullstop.

At the end of the day he doesn't have to get your permission to take them there, he is their parent and it's none of your business in reality where he takes them in his contact time.

At the end of the day he could simply take them and just not tell you.

He could take you to court if you stop contact in order to stop him taking the kids there, but as gillybean2 says, he doesn't actually need your 'permission'. Could you discuss it with him and find a compromise?

I would say the 'unreasonable' element is in trying to lay down your rules on the other parent. Your DH has assessed the situation and decided it is safe to have the children at his parent's house. Are you going to let him overrule your decisions about what is safe for the children when they are with you? And if what you actually want is to be able to have a dialogue and come to joint decisions, then you have to do that, not decide by yourself and then inform him.

For many reasons I do not believe him and have asked for some kind of proof before I will reconsider.>Gillybean2, thanks for idea of letter but I wouldnt believe anything they said or signed!