well... i am applying to court for sale of both joint owned flats to sort out financial separation - so i naively thought these meetings could iron out time scales and things so we could go to first hearing in coupe months with agreement to sign and avoid further hearings!
- he does the "i have proposals but i am not going to tell you" line - then comes out with the sugggestion i move into the rented flat. so i cant see any agreement before a hearing...
also on contact issues - he wants to "see them every day" which just wont work. contact with dds is increasing but he believes that i am preventing them sleeping over - is not the case - i ask them if they want to and they say "not yet" "only if someone else does as well". when they do want to i happy for them to go... it's been a long slow road from supervised contact centre in 2009... and i aint gonna rush it for them.
court order is for supervised contact with unsupervised at my discretion...ie was aimed at moving towards unsupervised...but i have option to go back to supervised if it aint working. for dds yes unsupervised is going ok for now; for ds autistic no it isnt...
with oldest ds who is autistic - well first exP attacked his carer making it awkward, he refuses to have any of the carers in his house except one, and few weeks ago ds escaped from his place and was found - several streets away -
so i have said - he goes supervised (as epr court order) until you fit extra security, chains and new locks, (he escaped via a flimsy balcony gate with isecure lock) . he stated in front of the mediator lady "i dont want to fit security chains". "if you want them fitted you come and fit them" . errr no - you want your ds to vsit, you make it safe and secure...
this is also the person who went to sleep leaving dd 10 responsible for DS!
oh and he also brought along PR forms for me to sign as he doesnt have PR.
ultimately i will sign for the girls (and if he goes to court i wont have strong arguments against - other than he makes no financial contribution at all...) but i feel very
strongly he does not have best interests of ds at heart - eg refusing to take responsibility for ensuring his safety.
he does not want to "mediate" - he just wants to bully his point, rehash the past (to his version of how i removed the children from him over a whim to be nasty - rather than because of his violence and agression), blame me for his depression/life etc.
he did a very classic thing - to show how much his ds loves him/make me "submit" - he said "well the other day we were both at a school event, now you (pointing finger at me ) tell her (at mediator) what ds did when he saw me?"
(ie i was supposed to say "ds introduced dad to his teachers, it was so nice; exP is so fantastic!" )
i said - i dont know what you getting at.
he says "tell her! go on! you tell her what happened"
i looked blank...
mediator said - well why dont you say what happened and then she can say if she agrees or not?
he was quite miffed - said "well, ds introduced me to his teachers, signed this is my dad..."
i said yes he did (so what? what else would he do? is no big deal...).
(score to me for not falling for it...- he really wanted to make me say stuff to make him look "good" in his eyes)
i have said to mediator - if you can get commitment from him not to talk about the past and what i said or didnt say , did do or didnt do, in 2009, 2008, 2007 etc - and if he can commit to discussing now and the future - then i will attend again.
otherwise, no. and if he does agree but then starts bullying/finger pointing/shouting/staing "but i want..." rather than "what about...." or "this is my proposal..." or saying "in 2008 you did this to me!!" i will walk out...