Can I join you all :-(

[Daisypops]

Exdp announced he is going to work and live in Bermuda on 14th June I am therefore now officially a lone parent and very frightened.

What do i tell DD, shes 3. What do i tell her when shes older?

Do i still see his family? They never ring or call to see us. Just send birthday cards and we go to their house at xmas? I dont think I could bare seeing them?

Do i ask for more maintenance, hes going to be earning an awful lot or just leave it as it is?

I am VERY angry and upset.

Exdpp was a rotten egg i am better off without him I just wanted the happy ending

Sorry if Im waffling. Ive just found out tonight that hes going so i am all over the place, keep crying and needed some advice. xxx

Poor you, not sure I can offer much advice, i just didnt want to leave this unanswered. I would def ask for mantenance and try to get this sorted before he goes if you can.

Re the outlaws, if they dont ring or call and you are not bothered i would just leave them to it. My exh's parents dumped me like a stone when he left us. they now phone occasionally but I couldnt care lass as they were so unkind when i needed help. If you dont expect anything they wont dissapoint you

You're not waffling, it's scary going through it all.

I would also get maintenance sorted out, if he is earning more he can pay more.

With XP's parents I send the odd e-mail and latest photos of the dc's and they always pop in when they are in town (they live 200+ miles away). We're not close but they are great with the dc's when they see them and they dc's like them. We don't talk about XP.

Not sure what you can tell your DD. With my dc's (3.5 & 1.5) I tell them that daddy was grumpy (that's putting it mildly)and is living somewhere else. They haven't seen him since last summer.

Does your ex see your dd much at the moment? How much parenting input does he actually give?

Did your ex say how he intends to fulfil his parental responsibilities from that distance? Is he going to be coming back to see her (if so how regularly), does he expect you to take dd out there (in addition or instead of him coming here), or is he simply going and that will be it now (is he cutting all contact or will he write, talk to her online with webchat etc)?

On the plus side Bermuda is one of the countries covered by REMO. So if you can't agree a reasonable amount of maintenace you will have that route open to you
www.officialsolicitor.gov.uk/os/remo.htm

Hi thanks for your messages.
I dont feel too bad today. Didnt sleep much. Started to tell family and friends which is hard but none of them are suprised and are been very supportive.

He can go weeks without seeing DD, 5 weeks was the most. We've been on abroad holiday for a week and he phoned her last night before texting me to tell me the news. Before that he saw her 4 days before we went away so he hasnt seen her for 2 weeks this time.

He hasnt been a parent, Ive done it all since day 1.

He has just said he will continue to pay but he oays £100 per month at the moment and is well paid but says this is all he can afford. When he goes he will be earning double what hes on now, apparently.

He asked me to get Skype but i said no. DD will ask where he is and if daddys coming to see her etc and i just cant bare that.

He said he will be coming back here 3 times a year and asked if he could stay at my house I said no.

He said would me and DD go and see him out there if he paid, I said no. The way I feel at the moment I dont want to see him again for aslong as i live. I have never and would never stop DD seeing him but he isn't bothered about seeing her and that has become evident over the past weeks, I think he has sort of weaned himself off her, not that he had a bond with her anyway.

His family dont ring or call and see us. We went there a few weeks ago and they are lovely to me and DD but dont make the effort to contact us.

I have thought about asking him if he will allow me to change her surname (in time) because I dont want any association with him. I think this is just initial anger. I want to erase him from my life but understand he cant ever be erased from hers.

So I really dont know. I think hes just going and walking away from all his responsibility.

Meglet, how long ago is it that you and your ex seperated/divorced? How do you feel about him not seeing your dc since last summer?

Gilly-he pays me voluntarily, there is no court order. Do i ask him for more and if he is difficult about it is the next step to see a solicitor or ring the CSA?

Scared by all this talk, its not how I wanted it to be at all.

daisy We split up in January 2009, although we had split for a month in Spring 08 but managed to get through it by going to Relate. I'm sad he doesn't see the dc's anymore but he saw them for 6 months after we split and continued to be abusive and agressive so I had to stop him coming to the house.

I sorted out a mediation session but the officer had to stop the meeting as XP was getting angry, and she told him off and to get counselling. I arranged for him to see the dc's at the local contact centre but he refused to go along, so he's pretty much had his chance now. He is a tosser though, I think most men are more mature than he is. TBH I'm just relieved the dc's are safe and not in the line of fire anymore, he could be very nasty at times.

The dc's seem to be ok. DD doesn't even know him as she was 4 months when we splut and DS doesn't ask about him very often. Nursery said they both behave just fine so we'll see how it goes. If XP was still here and behaving badly then I think they would have problems .

Sounds like its best they dont see him if he is so nasty and abusive.

I feel like I will never get over this.

I just dont understand how he can leave DD. Will he miss her? I keep thinking about if he sees her before he goes and his 'last goodbye' will he cry..etc.

I have told him not to come to my house because I cant bare to see him. If he wants to see DD i have said he can contact my mum. I have to protect myself and seeing him will screw me up even more.

Still in shock. There is so many things flying round my head I am exhausted and cant think of anything else.

Going to leave the maintenance for now. He hasnt offered anymore so I am not going to mention it again.

If he pays does it give him more rights? If and when he comes home to visit I dont want him just turning up and taking DD, he has done this before and pulled her out of my arms crying.