50/50 shared residency

[mummylou85]

I just read a thread that the new government want to give the father 50/50 care. 3 and a half days. I know my ex will jump at this because who will get child benefit and child tax???? would we share it. bare in mind my daughter is nearly 5 and have never had a penny in child support. we went through courts for 2 years and it only resulted in supervised contact because his parenting skills but no doubt next time I wont be so lucky. he don't give my daughter any food, a drink nothing at contacts I take my daugthers own snacks etc and she is always starving after. I would never trust him 3 and a half days.

he never paid penny csa been contacted num of times and keep loosing the info. if I had to hand over the child tax credits and child benefit too him my poor daughter would go short I wouldn't mind if she was provided for when he looked after her. really stressful and I am pregnant same dad after too much too drink I was stupid as he is not a good dad and he really took advantage as I don't drink, I sound awful. please any advice I am so stressed new government and handing my babies over when they going too be beglected or new government cutting benefits is such a stresser xxx

so can they really do that and make you give your kids 50/50 what about schools and routine. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

ANYONE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!1

if courts have only granted supervised contact then it wont be in the childrens best interest to suddenly give 50/50 would it? every case is different.

wanting to give 50/50 is a noble idea - and in best case scenario could work depending on children their ages etcetcetc - but of course it wont always work in practice when there are other considerations. each case has its own quirks.

You're worrying about nothing.
And really, if the reason he'd want to see her is a 50% cut of some paltry benefits he sounds like a bit of a shit who should get a job.
Do you actually know anything about the government or are you believing every scare story you hear?

A link to the thread you read that on might be helpful.

I do not believe that any government would come in and impose 50:50 residency regardless of circumstance. It's not going to happen.

But do note that "shared residency" is not the same thing as 50:50 residency.

I think I read it was a lib-dem idea so not sure the Con part of the Gov would go for it. I did read that they want better rights for fathers and grandparents though. It already worries me that the courts sometimes let violent fathers see their kids and the trend to fathers rights. 50/50 doesn't always work, kids can't be split in half and need one home for most the time.

no,i think it was a proposal,and ne that the lib dems wanted....not a case of giving 50/50,but a case of making it default for separating parents,like when you divorce.

obviously then it can be contested as every family is different....it wouldnt just be a case of all change,you've now got half the childcare!

From lib-dem manifesto
'Introduce a Default Contact Arrangement which would divide the child?s time between their two parents in the event of family breakdown, if there is no threat to the safety of the child.' Another one says that the mother would not be assumed to be given residency. Scary stuff.

it happens in austalia and other countries.....

dads do get a bad deal with regard to divorce and separation,why do we assume the mother should take charge of every situation??

i've been through 2 years of court with my ex,and seen alot on the way. i have seen fathers in tears in court waiting room,heard horrible stories of not seeing their kids for years....its heartbreaking.

Read between the lines.
Noone is going to be made to hand their children over for half the week. It makes no sense.I think there has been a lot of scaremongering by people not really understanding the new government proposals. Why is it scary that it wouldn't be asumed that residency should go to the mother? I know a father who is accumulating enormous legal bills to get residency of his daughter. ANd the mother doesn't even want residency, she has pretty much abandoned the child. Yet he is still havign to jump through hoops because it is assumed the child should be with her mother. That is the kind of madness that this legislation, should it ever get passed, would be tryign to address.

50/50 residency doesnt have to mean a 3.5 day week with each parent tho

it just means both parents have equal rights and responsibilities. time can be split between the two whichever way suits

smallishsheep....yes,i agree

I must say from my experience with ds dad...the fathers will all be emigrating like my situation to escape the responsibility esp 50% most men are going to be bricking it! It is mum's like me who laugh and say 'yeh cant wait to see dc dad face when made to do this' wont see ds dad for dust...oh yes forgot the sperm donar never sees ds anyhow...waste of space waste of even trying to make them even take on 50% as will cost the tax payers setting this system up which will fail just like CSA has for the hundreds of thousands of us in UK!

want2sleep no one is forcing them to take 50%, it's just a starting point to negotiate from when both parents want to be actively involved.

In your (and my) situation the 'father' has vanished and so wouldn't be wanting any involvement. No one would be forcing him to take on 50% because it would not be in a child's interest (and/or safety) to spend time with a parent like that. No child will be made to any (let alone half) the time with a parent who refuses to take up their parental responsibilities.

And 50/50 time doesn't mean 3.5 days a week each either. One parent may have every school night and every other weekend, the other has more of the school holiday time perhaps which can still equate to around half the time each.

50/50 is about a fair starting point to negotaite from, you then agree to a deviation from that depending on your situations and what is best for the children. In much the same way that when a couple divorce the house is usuallysplit 50/50, but then varied depending on the needs of each parent. Whoever has the children usually gets a bigger 'half'.

The situation now is that whoever is left 'holding' the children also holds all the cards and can dictate to the other parent how much or little they see the children should they decide to be difficult. They also may try and limit the number of overnights purely on financial basis as they lose maintenance every time their child stays with the other parent. If you have never been involved in family courts and seen the pain inflicted on the other parent by the one who has the children (and it's not always mum's) then I think you'd have a different perspective on it all.

A presumption of 50:50 shared residence isn't covered in the Con-Lib-Dem coalition document. The Conservatives aren't in favour of a presumption, partly because of concerns in Australia that it prevents the negotiation of practical arrangements and the focus should be on the best interests of the child rather than on parental fairness, equality and rights. I suspect when it comes to debate it will be an issue where the Lib Dems will compromise.

ok thank you for all the opinions.
alot of scaremongering is going around. I think it would break my heart handing my 4 year old and a newborn baby too someone who not got a clue. He lives in a one bedroomed flat so not sure if that be taken intoaccount. this have stressed me terrible this weekend.

I am reasonable with contact and let him pop in when he wants too see his daughter etc.. give him photos which I pay for. keep him informed of anything that goes on in her life. if he wanted them because he cared then fair enough but he admitted the only reason he took me to court was to punish me and hurt me, xxx

Really baffled by this.

As far as I understand, the new Government (in line with the previous government) want it to be in principle 50:50 between father and mother. The presumption of shared residency of both parents rather than the current weighting in favour of the mother with the father having to go through a lengthy and costly court case to prove that he is worthy.

What the Government (and there is a move to do this) is proposing is fair. It supposes that children are not OBJects, extensions and possessions of one parent but need both parents to grow. There was a wonderful series of documentaries on the role of fathers in child development on the BBC recently that captures mich of this.

I see too many women seeing parenting as the domain of the mother rather than as a joy shared by both parents, which has been encouraged in the past by numerous legislation. This is a real pity for child development and might explain alot of anxiety issues seen in children in the UK. I am always reminded of Ford-Maddox Ford's quote "how do I father my thoughts?" -the father is a key to managing aggression, and emotional outbursts... in childhood development is it not?

My partner (a wonderful dad) and his children underwent an extremely painful and extremely wasteful and time consuming divorce with his ex-wife (who instigated the divorce) where he had to demonstrate that he was fit to father while the presumtion was that she was ok (which it later transpired she was not). They now have a shared residency order, but not with much pain and suffering on the chldren especially.

From a economic point of view an awful lot of court time is wasted on a lot of nonsense over all of the above which includes

1. mothers thinking it's ok to deny their children access to their fathers when the father (in this case) worked from home and was the main parent at home
2. mothers making faslse allegations against fathers (85% of accusations made against fathers are proved false)
3. mother's denying passports to fathers
4. denying holiday acess

By making a presumption of 50:50 I think evidence from othe countries means that the above time wasting by mothers is cut so that courts can investitage children in distress e.g. Baby P... and it also encourages fathers to be active participants in parenting, which is good for kids as they can "father their thoguhts" and good for mums who can thanks to feminism, liberate themselves from the kitchen sink ...

My hubby and I have a lovely relationship with his two girls but his ex will not let them have an overnight she says she just doesn't want it yet she is now taking them away abroad for two weeks... how nice it would be to have the opportunity for a night time cuddle and story. the system has been too one sided for too long if this move brings more awarness of the injustice around and dosn't allow mums to presume they have control this would be an advantage for good dads that are missing out and would kick into shape some of the mums who need it dads have good parenting ideas too.

Good thoughts kids first!

ALL Parents no matter what their previous agreements or thoughts on money should put the needs of their children both now and in the future first happy healthy and strong hearted individuals. as soon as children come into the world even if couple are no longer lovers they still are jointly responsible for the parenting of their children.