Hurting

[onlyone]

How much is it possible to hurt?

As some of you will know, less than a week ago, my other hald walked out on me and our beautiful 2.5 yr old dc with a family friend.

For a normally decisive person I am paralysed with indecision.

to move or not to move
Where to move
Start again /stay put
Be a bitch/not to be a bitch

Today he tells me that the past 20 yrs he has been unhappy in all his relationships, 13 yrs of that with me and the last three years have been hell - ergo our beautiful gorgeous happy contented dc. I have pics of fun and laughter and happiness but these are apparently an illusion.

I hurt like I never thought it was possible to hurt and I wnat it to stop.

so unbelievably sad at the moment.

so sorry.

It will hurt a lot but it won't be for ever. Have you got anyone who you can talk to?

You are not in any fit state to make serious decisions right now so don't feel you have to.

You sound as if you are in shock which is perfectly understandable.

Thank you - family and friends around.

Still having made all major family decisions together for 13 yrs, it kills to suddenly ahve to do it all on your own.

I don't want to - still love him etc etc etc

I want to curl up in a ball and sleep and sleep and sleep but you can not becuase a beautiful gorgeous child needs you and that stops you doing anything stupid.

Am tired, so tired of hurting and know it is going to get worse.

Sorry for what has happened to you. The fun, laughter and happiness were not an illusion, they were real at the time, but something has happened to change the status quo. Please don't torture yourself with the need to make decisions now, it's been less than a week. There will be a time for decision making down the line, when you are stronger, but now you are probably still reeling from what's happened and need time to process it before you move on. Don't even think about the future right now, try to concentrate on the day to day, looking after your DC, looking after yourself.

My other halfs job has always involved him being away 3-4 days per 10 days.

Our dc has always phoned daddy in the evening to say good night- hello and chatter down the phone.

I do not want to deny dc that as dc loves doing it, but how do I cope till dc is old enough to phone Dad on their own - sometime away as is only 2.5yrs old.

Also, as he is away so much, I will still need to know his schedule for co ordinating visits etc - seems like I can not get away.

One good thing, dc is used to dad being away so the reality of what has happened is still sometime away.

I'm so, so, sorry to hear this has happened to you. My fiance of 3 years left me on the same day we found out I was pregnant. I'm now 22 weeks gone & I haven't seen him since he left me 4 months ago.

It's hard when you love someone & miss them. You miss EVERYTHING, you miss the companionship, the laughter, cuddling them, making love to them.
And I know 3 years aren't quite the same as 13 years, but I was so heartbroken that I fell ill putting my baby in distress.

At the time, everybody kept me giving me that crap old cliche; "time heals all!"
And I thought; "get lost with that patronising bull!"

But they had a point. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day was agony. But in the last month or so, it's gotten better. I forced myself out of my bed, wiped my eyes & took a shower. That was step one. The next day I put on some clothes & walked to the park for some fresh air. That was step 2. A few days later I went as far as putting on my makeup & going for lunch with some girlfriends. That was my step 3.

I slowly began re-introducing the things in my life that I enjoyed. It's taken me 4 months to feel up to just nipping to the shop for milk, but I'm managing it, bit by bit. I fantasize about a life away from where I am, of escaping somewhere where nobody knows me, where I can re-invent myself & be whoever I want to be, make new friends & meet new people & find myself a new happiness where I can bring up my baby son in bliss & peace. And that is my ultimate goal. But first, one step at a time.

It must be so much harder for you given the length of time shared with your partner & having your child to look after. But that's all I can think to suggest to you. Take small steps each day. Pamper yourself, surround yourself with friends & loved ones (I became almost pathologically afraid of my own company after my split) & take joy in your baby. Maybe you'll wake up one day like I did & find that this day feels somehow more ok than the previous ones. And who knows, maybe one day you'll feel ready to think of a big goal for yourself too, whether its moving or meeting someone else or bungee jumping or god knows.

You & your baby come first now. Thats what matters.