Share your tips for coping with single parenthood!

[BEAUTlFUL]

I've been a single mum since September and it has been the toughest part of my life ever. But no more wallowing in victimhood and squalor for me! I want to make it awesome from now on. I want to be so amazing at it that previously happily married women take one look at my and my DC's amazing life and immediately tear off their wedding rings and hurl them at their husbands.

Well, not literally, but you know what I'm going for here. Fabulosity.

But I need your help. Can you share any tips for not just coping with single parenthood, but excelling at it? Anything you've learned, from the smallest thing (like bathing them together, etc) to huge (how to get along with your Ex).

Also, if any other single mums want to join my quest for positivity, please sign up here. I've wallowed in self-pity and played the victim for 6 months and it has to stop. I want us all to embrace the good bits of this situation, and work through to a place where we feel we are out of the dark place and into the sunshine, with happy kids, a welcoming home, money, and maybe even a boyfriend (if we want to go and muck it all up again...).

Single Mums unite! And, yes, all you clever single mums and Dads, please post your tips here. No tip is too small. ANYTHING you have found that helps your life run more smoothly is welcome. Thanks!

Only two top tips:

1. lower your standards, you will have much more fun and be more chilled, though your house may look like squatters have moved in.

2. take out a contract on your ex - my life without one looks so much more simple than those of you dealing with ex's

Vouchers for days out. I think Tesco's clubcard ones are worth 4x their value, and Nectar points are worth 2x their value. Haven't tried them yet, but my mummy friends have been a wealth of knowledge on top tips like this and Kids Cinema for £1 that has already been mentioned.

I also agree about Sure Start. They have been great for free activities.

Buying new bed linen, and making my home feel softer with furnishings that I like, that are a bit girly

And remembering every day how grateful I am for the peace I feel now I am on my own. DS drives me nuts frequently, but its never as bad as the day in day out grind you down that I used to have.

Bloody fantastic thread Beautiful.

Ive been a single mother (still sounds so wierd to say that) for 2 years.

I thought I would die. The pain and devastation was so great........I really didn't think I'd survive. BUT I HAVE !!!!!

What got me through it were antidepressents, counceling, a new hairstyle, my wonderful friends, mumsnet, my kids (teens), my dog, tv in the bedroom, retraining so that I have cash and the choices that it brings.

Finding a good solicitor,

and just knowing that I'm the best I can be and the best mother I can be.

I have no regrets, no guilt,

my house is a mess but it's full of sunshine and people and laughter.

My dc appriciate me even more knowing what crap I've been through.

It's all a ballancing act of priorities.

I should be doing a million chores now instead of being on here, but the chores can wait.

I was so lucky in that my twunt left when my dc were teens. I don't know how you cope with babies and toddlers and being dumped.

It is without a doubt the hardest job in the world.

I hate the term Single Mum /Lone parent.

We are single handedly bringing up the next generation of doctors, lawyers, nurses, binmen, builders etc etc and we should be praised and thanked and rewarded and awarded bloody MBEs for our sevices rendered.

THERE IS NO HARDER JOB

We are all bloody amazing and we need recognision for the amazing work that we do. Some of us also have to work outside of the home and also have effing wanky twunts to cope with too.

Before I was left, I was very happy with my H and my DC and had a nice lifestyle in every way.

I had no idea what life as a single mther was or meant. To me they were just other people in a different world I never thought I'd be part of.

Now that I am part of it I see the hardship and the loneliness and suffering and mental anguish that so many women go through all the time.......and it's not right.

It breaks my heart to see women on here every day whose husbands have walked out on their families without so much as a backward glance.

better stop now but well done Beautiful and thankyou for this wonderful thread. I don't post much anymore as I CBA but you really have inspired me.

My main tip is to look afer yourself and do what you can to feel good about yourself. If you're happy with youself then you'll be more serene as a mother.

I'm really sorry Beautiful,

i didn't mean to kill your thread, really I didn't.

I'll give it a bump pinksmarties (I remember your first thread on here, glad you have found your own ways of adjusting and getting through things.

These tips are so helpful, I am enjoying being single with DS rather than with ex but do sometimes feel lonely or overwhelmed that it is all down to me.

I do the following things to help:

• spend a lot of time with my other single mum friend who gets it, our kids play, we chat and laugh, it does us all good
• take DS out and about park, library, £1 cinema tickets, etc
• I am learning to drive so I can be more independant and have more opportunities
• I decorated my new house exactly how I wanted it and it's lovely
• ask for help. This is the one I struggle with most but everytime I ask somene thy are always happy to help which is nice
• treasure my alone time when DS is at his dad's rather than mope about and do something nice for myself

Ahhh, thank you so much LifeofRiley,

I love your profile too, you seem so sorted and grounded and level headed.

Why has this thread just stopped dead ?

Maybe it would have done better in "relationships" where it's bussier and there are unfortunatley quite a few soon to be single parents.

I have been having a few really crappy days recently. And this has helped me to feel better just by reading. I will be using some of the tips sggested on here.
A few small things which i feel good abt is i can have my mobile superglued to my hand if i want, without anyone teling me off.
I can play the type of loud and fast music i like listening to.
I go to bed when I want...
I can leave my handbag, money, mp3 players sunglasses etc lying around the house without them getting nicked or tampered with.
I feel better for writing that down.
Its abt a yr snce we separated and i know he has moved onto others where i havent as such. Still looking. That hurts...but im sure i dont want him back.
I am definitely better off without HIM...

Less than a week in, so no tips yet from me, but thanks for this thread, feeling a bit shitty and deflated now, but with hope it will get better I'll let you know what my tips are just as soon as I know what they are myself!

About to embark on life as a single mum - once bump becomes baby (due next week!) - this thread and tips are great...

I am currently trying to make the house "mine" as EH lived here until 2 weeks ago. It was already decorated etc by me because he didn't do anything to help when we moved in. But I think some new furniture etc would be great. Trouble is, when you are skint thats a bit more difficult! Keeping an eye out on freecycle though! Think some new bedding or something would be nice. And I am going to try and dig out some nice photos to put up to remind me how lucky I am to have 2 lovely children and a great family, even if I do live away from everybody.

My favourite things about being a single mum: I get to decide EVERYTHING! What she wears, where we go, what to feed her. It can be scary, but it's lovely not to have to consult with anyone unless I want to.

This is a great thread, lots of useful and smile-making tips...

I've found that bribing my little sister with bath bombs from Lush buys me an hour or two of wine/book/chocolate time for a very reasonable price!

I don't have to put up with exh wretching everytime he picked up a dog or cat poo. I don't enjoy doing it but I hated the sight and sound of him wretching like he was scooping up the remains of something out of CSI. Plus, I can sit having a fag and just look at the poos if I don't fancy picking them up straight away

I no longer have to worry if he is going to 'disappear' for a few days and come back having blown hundreds of pounds on fine clothes for himself 'because he thought the marriage was over.' Which it was but I didn't have the courage to finish it those times.

I don't have to lie in bed listening to him fart as though his body was going to explode, then come into the bedroom and want sex.

I don't have to have sex at all. Ever again. With him.

I can stay up til 3am singing tunelessly to my ipod in the kitchen and guzzling as much wine as I bloody want.

His miserable cheating face doesn't appear each afternoon after 'work' (he wasn't actually doing any work though I didn't find that out til after he had farked off)

I can eat garlic bread, cheese and onion crisps and raw red onions til I am sick

I no longer have to worry about folding up the washing when it is still a teency weency bit damp.

I don't have to see his god-awful sister or hear from his absolutely hell-on-earth-nightmare of an ex-partner EVER again.

I can burn my own christmas dinner. In fact I can cook anything I bloody like without thinking that the Gordon Ramsay of the house is going to sniff at my efforts.

And I am now quite a decent cook!

Oh yes I had forgotten about not having to spend time with his family that can't stand me but go mad if I don't go round there all the time . His family are horrible people and I am so glad I don't have to see them much anymore!

Camping in the back garden with friends x2 and kids x6 all under 7! And no dh moaning, telling me I cant and pouring negative thoughts on the whole idea. Cant wait, doing it tomorrow (with lots of wine to numb the mummies!!!!)

i do a day in a charity shop which keeps me mingled with other people.

me and my kids sit down and sing really happy songs when we feel down

chat on facebook a continually now and then.

save all the pennies

go for picnics in park with dds

have a fab vibrator er things to do in eve if i need it.

chant buddist chants seriously i am not a buddist but my buddist friends showed me on youtube all the chants.

talk to my cats all the time whenn dds arent here. xx