New but need advice.

[Greeba13]

Hi everyone, just hoping someone can give me some pointers as how to deal with my feelings at the moment.

I'm a single mum to 3 wonderful boys, and I've been on my own with them for the past 3 1/2 years. It's hard but I never expected it to be easy.

I've always managed okay being on my own but just lately I'm feelig more and more like I don't exist outside of the role of MOTHER!

My ex has a new partner and has completely cut contact with our children which hurts the kids, but that's another issue!

I just feel as though I get no time for myself, no time to be a woman.

I know that being a Mum is a rewarding job but I am still a person in my own right.

I've found that any friends I once had have all drifted away as I am unable to engage in any adult social activity.

I love my kids but I really feel like screaming 'WHAT ABOUT ME"

Does any one else have these feelings or am I just being selfish!

You're not being at all selfish! It can be very tough on your own. I've been a single mum for 2 years now but my exDH does see the DCs twice a week. This gives me a bit of a break.

What a shame your exDH has cut contact with your DCs! He's the selfish one, not you! Do you have anyone who can help you out with babysitting every few weeks? Might give you a chance to go out and do something for yourself.

No great advice from me, sorry...but lots of sympathy.

You need to find yourself again. You are not just your children's mother. Remember that.

Have you considered a college course or some other kind of re-training? I know it's hard trying to balance everything, but it can be done, if you put your mind to it.

When I split up with my daughter's father, in 1999, I found myself in awful, low paid, shitty temporary administrative work, simply to keep a roof over our heads.

After two bloody awful temporary jobs, I decided to pursue a full-time university degree, if only, to say 'up yours' to the temping agency and all those bastard employers they sent me to.

Suffice to say, I now have a postgraduate qualification and two years experience in my chosen field. I can command more than the minimum wage. Nor, will I allow myself to be bossed around by anyone.

The little dears will grow up. Do not be left on your own, never knowing what you were capable of achieving. Education may not be your panacea, but something else might be.

Thanks for the replies, it's good to know I'm not going completely insane!

Unfortunately I don't have anyone to babysit for me at the moment. for some strange reason people think that 3 boys are too much to handle! LMAO!

Hodie, I understand your situation completely, when my ex first left 3 1/2 yrs ago I continued to work full time but soon found it too much, my youngest was still only a baby at that point, and although I considered p/t, the wage wasn't enough to cover child care and living costs so I ended up giving up work.

I have applied for a college course to begin in September when my youngest will be going into reception. I've only applied to do level 2 GCSE course this year as I'm worried about finding the time to study and complete course work so I thought a top-up GCSE course may ease me into it without being too daunting!

I agree that I need to find myself again, I'm just not sure how to do it when I don't get any time at the moment, I know, to a certain degree, I'm stuck in a rut and need to climb out of it!

I think I just need to know that it's okay to put me first sometimes and not feel guilty for it. lol

But again thank you for the replies I really appreciate it

Good luck for September! You will climb out of your rut.