Feeling so alone all the time, and no one to talk to - I have a great friend but he's never been through it/has no kids so doesnt know what to suggest, and is just trying to keep my spirit up as much as he can.
Relatively new to being single mum of 4yo son (ex-H left just over 2 months ago), and ex-H started new relationship 2 weeks after moving out. Each time that he has my son overnight, he doesnt maintain structure/bedtimes despite me asking him to ensure that he is in bed no later than a certain time(mainly because son's life is changing elsewhere - he is going full time at playschool now, and one day it was just cos he'd woken really early in the morning so knew he would be tired/overtired by bedtime), he's filling them (son and daughter from a previous relationship) full of sweets/pringles (whole packets of stuff, not small ones but the big bags of sweets), he's not cleaning them properly (no baths/washes), not discipling them when they are naughty, so after every visit, I get the whole having to reassert boundaries things. I know that we all have different parenting styles and he's always been very hands off/anything for an easy life type.
The problem is that with this new woman on the scene, I don't know whether I have less tolerance for our different parenting styles because of her or because I'm being a reasonable parent - I know that I am hurting badly and so am quicker to get angry than usual, but don't know if I'm giving them too much of the benefit of the doubt and believe problems should be dealt with sooner rather than later and not left to fester/develop.
I originally asked to new woman to be introduced slowly (as per our seperation agreement) has been introduced very quickly with no regard to impact on children, on the first week, they took my son to her house, second week she stayed at ex-H's overnight. She has also been slagging me off in front of the kids (She originally slagged me off before she met my son, and at that point I said I didnt want her to meet him if she couldnt keep her opinions to herself at least while the kids were there, she agreed that she would in future, but has now done it again - nothing major (commented how fat and ugly I am in a photo she came across and asked if she should put it in the toilet so they could piss on it according to step-daughter but husband said she was exaggerating although refused to say exactly what was said and had huge grin on his face), but enough for my step-daughter to relay back because she knows it will upset me), I haven't done anything to her - but starting to wish I had - so far I've made it easy for her (agreed to forego the 3 month dating before introducing to children which we agreed in sep. agreement because it was causing problems with her childcare, have continually boosted her to the children, not saying anything bad, but making sure that they know as far as i'm concerned she is important to Daddy and Daddy loves her very much so you must be nice to her, even going as far as threatening to take away son's favourite toy if I heard he was being rude to her). She's never met me, despite me asking to meet up several times so we can clear the air - I'm sure half of her behaviour is that she thinks i'm some kind of threat - I want to make it clear there is no way either of us would go back there if you know what I mean. I think this would help me too, as at the moment, I'm inclined towards thinking her behaviour is malicious...but trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.
The other difficulty is that she is not going to be adding any benefit to the children in terms of good parenting from what I've heard from my ex-H, her own son has no structured bedtime, spends all night on the playstation (online), swears at everyone (yes to quote step-daughter "she swears like a trooper" too), has diabetes that he is apparently too lazy to control himself, preferring to lapse into unconsciousness than check his sugar levels and give himself insulin as appropriate all at 13 years old.
I can feel myself slipping to the bitter/resentful dark side and trying hard to stay away from it, but hate feeling so powerless and being shown so little respect by adults that really should behave better with the kids.
I know that time will heal the hurt (mostly caused by him moving on so quickly after making the last six months when he was living at home whilst we got finances in order so hellish and making it all me who ended everything and had to take the blame/guilt/doubt of what I was doing to my son/step-daughter telling me every day he loved me and there was nothing wrong and that i didnt really want him to move out, was still asking if i regretted my decision and wanted him home on the day he told me he'd been dating this new woman for 2 weeks - to which the answer was a firm no, I'm glad you're gone)
Sorry just needed to vent somewhere that has people that might understand. Thank you if you got to the end of this. If anyone has any suggestions of how to stay away from the dark side, or things that have worked for them in setting ground rules between parents when one side doesnt want to listen (agrees whilst i talk to him, then disregards everything as soon as I'm gone) then gratefully received.