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Ex introducing DC to new partner - advice needed please

1 reply

pollyh · 09/05/2010 17:57

My husband walked out on me after 10 years, leaving me with a 3 week old, an 18 month old and a 3.5 year old. This was 10 weeks ago. The children have been obviously very upset and unsettled and have by no means adjusted yet. Despite how I feel about him, I have never come between him and the children, in fact I offer him lots of contacts he turns down, as I feel it is in the best interest of the children. He has always denied there was someone else. I have always suspected there was. After my children's last visit to his new flat last weekend, they came back talking about daddy's friend 'laura'. I was furious that he would introduce a new girlfriend without consulting me first. He can do what he likes, but I don't think the children are ready for that yet, they're still so confused, however as I only had the word of my two little ones to go on I thought 'laura' could also be a figment of there over active imaginations. However, they've just comeback talking about 'laura' again. I didn't ask, they volunteered the information. I'm furious at him for not thinking about what they are able to deal with, and for not telling me so I could give them the right kind of support in adjusting, it's like he's too big a coward to tell me himself so he's using his children to do his dirty work. I don't think she should be there when the children are there, not yet anyway. Like I said he's free to have a girlfriend (good luck to her), I just think he needs to be thinking about how this effects his children. Do you think I would be unreasonable to insist that she's not there when they are until they're more settled? How has anyone else handled this situation? Your advice would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 09/05/2010 18:04

Hi polly,

This is a really common thing and it's hard to go through - I had similar feelings when my ex started dating after only a few weeks, and introduced his new girlfriend to DS straight away.

Unfortunately though there is nothing you can do. He is also their paret nt and can do what he wants, providing it doesn't cause them harm. The only thing you can do is have a word with him, but it might not go down well and could cause more problems. The best thing to do IMO is let him get on with it and just make sure that your home environment is as stable as possible for them.

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