Doesn't look like he'll sign the birth certificate, what to do?

[mumtotwoboys]

My son is almost 2 weeks old and his hate to use the word 'father' hasn't bothered visiting despite saying he would when informed of the birth, he hasn't responded to me asking when he can come to sign the certificate either.
I need to get it done by week 6 I believe, I'm holding out incase he turns up for now, but if I have to go alone then will the registrar have to put 'father unknown' as he's not there. I know if we were married then I could have signed his name, but we're not..

No there will be a space that's all
also means you have parental responsibility not him, he would have to apply for it
my ex was always too busy to come so my dd has this, I quite like it actually

As someone with an utter twunt for an ex-husband, be thankful he won't sign it. If i were in your shoes, I'd be racing to apply before he changed his mind.

And in all honesty I had my doubts when at the time we were together and he looked to be the model of perfection (HAH!). There's clearly problems already, see it as a lucky escape.

All in my opinion, of course

He sounds like a complete idiot. As previously said, be thankful he doesn't want to sign the birth certificate! I was in the same situation as you after my DS was born but my sons father turned up on the day I went to registry office - so he ended up signing. Boy, do I wish he hadn't! If he signs he has parental responsibility and if his behaviour continues to be as problematic you could find yourself with a fight on your hands and with him having PR he can take full advantage. I'm not implying that he will cause you and you DC problems but based on him being pretty useless from the get-go he sounds like he has potential to be a complete ass. I, personally (with hindsight) would sign without him. Anyway, it's not fair that he has PR when he has no interest in actually being a father and he's shown no interest in signing, so ultimately it's his decision not to sign.

Other things to take into account if he signs- if anything were to happen to you (god forbid) your ex would possibly get custody of your child. He can oppose you moving abroad etc - really think about his character and of what the possible consequences of him signing may be. It's not just a signature on paper.

I agree - with sole parental repsonsibility your life is going to be a hell of a lot easier.

My experience and that of many women on here is that absent (arse) fathers pick and choose when to execute their 'parental responsibility' and the rest of the time you are left bewildered and penniless. They pick up the baton when it suits them, not you or your child, and drop it whenever they feel like it.

Parental 'irresponsibility' is more apt.

He will be able to fight you for access, stop you going abroad and even having your travel docs siezed, and I bet you won't see any dosh without a fight.

Without his signature you are free from all this hassle and if he's being an arse now trust me he'll get a lot worse.

Not all men are like this, just the ones who don't bother to reply to messages about signing birth certificates.

ps and don't feel any guilt - it's his loss and his fault, not yours.

a subdued thank you

Just to clarify a couple of things - an unmarried father who is not on the BC can apply to court for contact and/or to prevent the mother removing the child from the country in exactly the same way as one who is on the BC. (And PR does not mean he can prevent you leaving the country)

He also doesn't have to be on the BC in order for the CSA to be involved with the collection of maintenance.

It's still a bit gutting that he doesn't seem to want anything to do with your beautiful baby, though. There are other ways you can get him on the register - the Registrar can give you a form to get him to sign, for example. (I don't like the idea of the space, either, although I absolutely understand everything everyone else is saying)

thanks for the information!

we'll see what happens..

when my ds1 was born OH was a prick and we were separated. i registered him without OH and told him he could go on it when he proved he was a responsible parent.

we got his name added last year after 18 months of being a solid, dependable, responsible dad. so dont fret that it is irreversible.

your ex is a grown up, he knows he can be on the birth certificate. he chooses not to.

btw, him being on the birth certificate doesn't guarantee he will pay you any maintenance so dont let that sway you at all.

i think you know what you are going to do. i felt very secure in the knowledge that i was totally responsible for ds and didn't feel i had to consult anyone else on any issues, especially when that person isn't known for making great decisions

How important to you is it that his name goes on the certificate?

For me it was very important. I wanted him to acknowledge and accept this was his child, even if he chose to then ignored him in every other way. I also wanted my son (and everyone that the certificate would ever be seen by) to know that he had a father and who he is.

The way I got my dc's father to agree was by involving his mother. I pointed out to her how I felt, what I thought it would mean to my ds in the future etc. She was instrumental in getting him to sign up. However this was before automatic PR if father was on certificate, so I may well have thought differently if I was doing it now.

Please be assured the certificate will not say 'Unknown', it will simply be blank.

Also the details can be entered in the future if agreed/ordered by a court, so don't worry that this is something that is permanent and must be solved now.

Also you will still be able to claim maintenance and/or involve the CSA without his name on the certificate. Your ex may well be thinking he can avoid paying maintenace if he isn't on there, but that is NOT how the CSA work.

However, as others have said you should be aware that with his name on the birth certificate he will automatically get PR (parental responsibility) and he will then have responsibilities to his child should he wish to fulfil them. These include access to medical records, choices on school, giving permission to go abroad on holiday to name a few.

Some difficult ex's simply pick and choose which 'responsibilities' to fulfil and it may seem to you that he chooses the ones that make your life most difficult. However any issues like this can be resolved in court should it come to it. For example if you go to court and get residency of your child then you can take them abroad for up to 28 days without needing the permission of others with PR, as long as you inform them.

If your ex wants PR later a court would most likely grant it to him anyway, assuming there is no good reason that he shouldn't have it. If he has shown no interest and suddenly wants PR he would most likely need to show to the court that he was serious about being a parent and it wasn't just whim or purely to make your life difficult.

So the most relevant question on this issue is why is it important to you that he be on there?

Also if he's not responding to you I would suggest, instead of asking him when he can come simply tell him when you are going and that he is welcome to join you. Put it in writing so he can not deny receiving it, and can not say he was unaware of your intentions. Make sure he is unable to say you didn't give him the chance to be there now or in the future (in court or if your ds asks).

And if he is still being stuborn then think about involving his mother and set out your reasons to her and to him why you feel this is important to your child.